Forever is scary to admit
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
At first, I vowed I would 'never now' drink. All I have is now, and I decided that if it were now, I wouldn't be drinking. That came from me learning that now is when things happen, the only time I have within my control. Since I control 'now', and I can easily decide not to drink this moment, I stretched that into all of the nows. I will never now drink.
Very soon though, I latched on to the positive side of my decision to quit. I can decide to never ever go back to that darkness and shame and misery. I can decide to always be free. Looking at it like that, why the heck would I ever decide to drink again? The realization hit me that this is all over with now, my drinking is done and finished. When I understood that, the feeling of relief was like a giant weight had been lifted from me.
I was giving myself a fresh start by deciding to never drink again, and to never change my mind. I have never wavered in my choice of freedom from alcohol, I am never going back. Ever.
Very soon though, I latched on to the positive side of my decision to quit. I can decide to never ever go back to that darkness and shame and misery. I can decide to always be free. Looking at it like that, why the heck would I ever decide to drink again? The realization hit me that this is all over with now, my drinking is done and finished. When I understood that, the feeling of relief was like a giant weight had been lifted from me.
I was giving myself a fresh start by deciding to never drink again, and to never change my mind. I have never wavered in my choice of freedom from alcohol, I am never going back. Ever.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
Originally Posted by Oswin 
At day 26 and although I'm still determined to stay sober. I was asked today how long I was giving up drink for and I couldn't bring myself to say for good. I've never made it over 30 days when tried giving up before. I had a craving in the super market yesterday but I wasn't thinking about sipping a nice glass of wine slowly, I was thinking about necking a glass of wine and continuing until wrecked. So the problems not going away. Just finding it hard to think I'm done drinking forever.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,417
Forever for me. One day at a time sounds like I can change my mind, and I'm not. When the enormity of deciding hit me, the freedom came washing over me and I never want it to go away. So, never drinking forever is me now. One less decision I have to make.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
It's forever here too although I still find the "just for today" really helpswhen I get worried about a future trip to Las Vegas or a cruise. I haven't even planned these trips yet! Isn't it amazing how our addiction seeps into everything? I'm worried about imaginary trips. Oh, the humanity.
When I think of forever I also think of never having to suffer a hangover again. In the end, like many of you I'm sure, my hangovers went from annoyance at a headache and dehydration to deep darkness and doom. When I was hungover I thought about death, the end of the world, wondered how I could go on living another day. NEVER again.
Roger Ebert, a recovering alcoholic, wrote once that if drinking didn't cause hangovers he wasn't sure if he ever would have stopped. He also wrote about crying and pulling the covers over his head during his last hangover.
I'm going to think of forever with no hangovers. Glory Holy Hallelujah!
When I think of forever I also think of never having to suffer a hangover again. In the end, like many of you I'm sure, my hangovers went from annoyance at a headache and dehydration to deep darkness and doom. When I was hungover I thought about death, the end of the world, wondered how I could go on living another day. NEVER again.
Roger Ebert, a recovering alcoholic, wrote once that if drinking didn't cause hangovers he wasn't sure if he ever would have stopped. He also wrote about crying and pulling the covers over his head during his last hangover.
I'm going to think of forever with no hangovers. Glory Holy Hallelujah!
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
You don't have to never drink again. You just have to not drink today, everyday. I have no desire to drink but the thought of a forever without alcohol is daunting. I prefer to eat my elephant one bite at a time.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Forever is an overwhelming word no matter where you apply it.
Olive hit the nail on the head. That scariness goes away and you just don't drink anymore.
I've also found that the scariness that I felt in the beginning about never drinking again has been replaced. Now the thought of ever drinking again scares me. I love what I have far too much to ruin it. One drink is all it takes.
Occasionally the AV steps in, not in a craving but a passing thought. I wonder what would happen if I ever had a drink. Reality quickly follows and says "Silly you! You know full well what would happen!"
Olive hit the nail on the head. That scariness goes away and you just don't drink anymore.
I've also found that the scariness that I felt in the beginning about never drinking again has been replaced. Now the thought of ever drinking again scares me. I love what I have far too much to ruin it. One drink is all it takes.
Occasionally the AV steps in, not in a craving but a passing thought. I wonder what would happen if I ever had a drink. Reality quickly follows and says "Silly you! You know full well what would happen!"
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 117
Originally Posted by Oswin
It's the love/hate relationship with booze that is so hard. I am thinking of it more and more as a poison and remembering so many bad/painfully embarrassing situations alcohol has been a big player in. But at the same time I remember drunk me as being fun and having fun. Unfortunately fun drunk me went away after about 3 bottles of wine or 10 pints or a bottle of vodka and became ranting/blacked out or morally questionable me. I suppose I'm going through a kind of mourning process for the drunk me that I actually liked. If that makes sense.
I understand. Back in the day, I had fun drinking, dancing, socializing. I am not sure when exactly it crossed over into blacking out, turning mean, becoming embarrassing, stumbling (not always, but once is too much, IMO). It just happened, to both of us, apparently.
The thing is, there is no point in looking back. It's over. It may be nice to visit once in a while but we can't live there. Try living in the moment and not thinking too much about what you can't do anymore. Every day is a new opportunity to be a better, wiser, calmer, and sober person.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
I thought of this thread at the gym this morning. A young girl walked by with 'unappealing' tattoos across her upper body. Now that is forever.
How many got a tattoo in a moment of drinking or during a certain phase of their life not truly understanding what forever means?
Or that I am making this statement - FOREVER! That there is a commitment.
How many got a tattoo in a moment of drinking or during a certain phase of their life not truly understanding what forever means?
Or that I am making this statement - FOREVER! That there is a commitment.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Originally Posted by lionhearted1
We can only stop for today now because that's all you ever have is this moment.
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
Oswin, 26 days sober is FANTASTIC, congratulations. At 26 days sober a war was raging in my mind. What I have done more than anything else is just suffer through the cravings and at 4 years sober they have vanished. Now it's easy to conceive being sober forever, rootin for ya. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Sheffield, United Kingdom
Posts: 208
I was feeling very low last night when I made this post. The advise and support offered on here really picked me up. I went to a pub today with some friends. They had beer and I had a cup of tea (typical Brit). I realised I was laughing a lot and relaxing and still having fun. Although still going to take one day at a time. But the future seems a little bit brighter. Oh and 27 days sober as well
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Athens, Georgia
Posts: 962
Congrats on 26 days Oswin. For me the question about how long would I have to stay sober...forever?!?!...was a telltale indication of my condition, which I had not accepted. The question itself turned out to be upside down.
I found out I did not have a drinking problem...I had a drinking solution....I automatically drank if life was bad, or if it was good...drinking was the solution to everything. I now realize the question of real importance was....how long was I going to have the OBSESSION to drink? How long was my plan for life going to be centered on me drinking....I realized I could not, and did not want, to consider anything to do without my Plan for drinking being front & center...so...the question really was how long was I going to be enslaved to that???
There is much more to the story,
RDBplus3
I found out I did not have a drinking problem...I had a drinking solution....I automatically drank if life was bad, or if it was good...drinking was the solution to everything. I now realize the question of real importance was....how long was I going to have the OBSESSION to drink? How long was my plan for life going to be centered on me drinking....I realized I could not, and did not want, to consider anything to do without my Plan for drinking being front & center...so...the question really was how long was I going to be enslaved to that???
There is much more to the story,
RDBplus3
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: London
Posts: 7
Hi Oswin, I thoroughly get where you are coming from in mourning the fun drunk version of you. I'm the same - I know I am great fun...until I'm not any more - then I'm a drunken mess that someone has to look after, and I am ball or regret and shame the next day. I have tried to restrict my drinking (I'll only have 3); change my drinking (drinking guiness because it takes longer to drink...not any more); inhibit my drinking (eat more, drink a lot of water) - but drunk me gets crafty and ignores the rules, so fun drunk me can no longer be trusted, only sober me can be. I now will be fun sober me instead.
I also am struggling with the idea of forever, and I thank everyone for there advice on taking it one day at a time. I am sober now, I will choose to be sober tomorrow etc.
I also am struggling with the idea of forever, and I thank everyone for there advice on taking it one day at a time. I am sober now, I will choose to be sober tomorrow etc.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
The forever concept kept me drinking. ...no way was I going to give it up forever. But then I gave up thinking of giving up drinking forever and tried one day at a time. The days started adding up and I started feeling way better. I began to feel the benefits of not drinking. Tomorrow makes 7 months for me, and I'm still taking it one day at a time. 
Pressure makes diamonds
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 521
The first few attempts I made I always had that spark of hope that "one day" I was going to be "fixed" and that I could moderate. Each time I tried to moderate the withdrawals were worse and my self esteem sunk lower. This time I feel differently. I know I can't repeat that behavior or my life will continue to go in the wrong direction. I got really honest with myself and created a plan. I do feel like I mourned it in the past year and now I'm ready to move forward.
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