No drinks 4 out of 5 days...
 

So I had 3 days in a row after a fun weekend, but Wednesday night I ran into my ex in the elevator (first conversation we had since he ended it 4 months ago), and needless to say I felt the need to drink that feeling away.

I'm pretty new here, so I'm not sure what 'level' of dependence I have. It used to be when I'd go out 2-3 nights a week I would drink a lot an enjoy it, but last fall I was feeling lonely at a new university and place, so it turned into going out a couple times a week with other days during the week, maybe 4 days a week of being drunk at night. Then when my relationship ended it really spiraled and I could tell it was getting worse. Most of this summer (he ended it in May) I spent about 6 out of 7 days drunk.

So while 4 out of the last 5 days doesn't seem like much I feel I'm turning a corner. I've always been into exercise but now I get up at 6 am for the gym, and often go again at night after school to help me relax. I'm going to bed at 9 or 10, right around the times I would want to drink because everyone else is out and I'm home by myself.

I guess I just wanted to post because it is Friday and feel the pull of it today at school. I feel so LAME and pathetic going home and going to bed at 9 tonight, everyone else is out having fun (i'm at a big party school for grad school) and I'm just home reading or playing some random video game to pass the time till I can sleep and fight through another day. Doesn't seem like much fun...

Anyway, not sure what I'm looking for here, but just figured I'd share my story for now.

Edit: I should mention I have issues with anxiety and depression (take meds and see a therapist weekly), so that is always in the mix of my drinking too. I get lonely at night, so might as well drink and watch bad movies or fool around online, wake up feeling ****** for myself and sleeping like crap - Then I debate if I can stretch it one more day... what's one more day, it's the weekend right? better than being anxious about school or being depressed because of my very lonely life.

Well good job on those four days. Everyone starts someplace, and I think most people have some good days and some not so good days, but you keep working at it and it comes together. It's a process with a learning curve like anything else.

I used to just try to get more days sober than not sober, and those started collecting in bunches, and then it was weeks sober, and months, and now it's hmm fourteen? months .. so yeah it can take some time.

Good luck on grad school!

4 out of 5 is better than 0 out of 5. You win little battles here and there and honestly I'd feel proud of yourself if you can at least stay in the same direction. Good job!

I'm glad you're making changes in your life. That's great! I wonder if you can add something to your life instead of sitting at home and playing video games? You might meet some sober friends if you tried an AA meeting, some people to hang out with. Also, it seems like you think not going out to the school parties is punishment, and it isn't. It's also good to remember that alcohol is a depressant so if you're drinking at all, you will still feel the effects of it.

Good for you for seeing a therapist to help you get through this.

Welcome to the Forum!! :wave:

When I got Sober I realised that "fun" is not all about alcohol, it's not the centre of the "fun" universe, instead we get to have whatever fun we want, and especially the next morning hangover free, we just need to figure out what we'd like to do with our time!! :)

When I got sober my problems started to go away