Chilledice

Hey guys

Firstly I hope this message finds you all safe and well! And I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all the support you have given me!

I have not come to this decision lightly believe me I have not! I have tried over and over and OVER to head down the route of total abstinence and I have fallen flat on my face. There are issues that I need to deal with, trauma , SEVERE trauma that I have not spoken of! Things I need to work out in my own mind etc These are not excuses but merely my own thoughts typed out!


I will do my best to heal from my past hurts and the deep sorrowful pain I carry within my heart, but for now I can not stop my drinking totally. The best I can is somewhat moderate which I have managed to do with SOME success, which by the way you guys have helped me with


So thank you all for the support, the friendship, and the times I need you guys you were there

I will still be around but this is my journey and thank you all!

PurpleKnight

Not succeeding in Sobriety is not an excuse to give up or justify continuing to drink, you've tried and slipped a few times now, but the trying indicates there is something you think needs changed!!

If alcohol is causing you problems in your life, then at whatever cost it's time to sort out your drinking, not give in and accept this is the way things are or will be, if there are other factors in your life that need attended to then seek help for those, not put Sobriety on hold, as alcohol isn't the answer to much in this world!!

SR is still in your corner Chilled no matter what you decide!!

trachemys

One of the stalwarts here has a great signature which I may misquote here:

Not my circus, not my monkeys

It's your life.

Dee74

Hey Chilled

You're not the first person to haul out the 'if you had my life you'd drink too' line.
I used it with my cerebral palsy - but the truth is there are people around with far more severe disabilities than mine - and they don't drink to deal with 'stuff'.

I'm sure, if you think about it, you'll have to admit that's the case for you too.

I think you need to take a step sideways and really think about what you've tried to stop drinking and how hard you've tried to do it.

Can you really say you've given it you all?

Don't settle for second best Chilled. You deserve better.

D

Chilledice

Dee I respect you mate I really do!

I HAVE tried it all, well most of it anyway!

And no not too MANY people have had the trauma ive been handed just trust me on this! ............. Look ive said all I have to say............. If only you truly knew!

I respect you Dee and I thank you for the support you have given me!!


That's all I have to say.

suki44883

Good luck! We'll be here if you decide to try again.

Confuzd

I'm also a survivor of trauma, I don't think I would be able to remain sober without seeing a counselor, trauma and other issues can definitely complicate recovery. I hope you consider seeing a counselor (if you have not done so already) to deal with your issues due to trauma. I hope you eventually choose abstinence but it's your life and I wish you good luck no matter what you do!

Mairie

Try having a stalking ex throwing bricks at the window, when your mum is in the final stages of cancer.... Move on a few years and try sleeping while another abusive ex, has stolen your kids and there is nothing you can do about it.

If I can quit drinking, so can you.

Peace.

nigey1

Hey chilled.

I struggled a lot with the trauma and heartache I would process daily. It was my ultimate selfish justification to drink. All my colleagues do, that's how we cope.

If you saw what I saw and did what I did you would drink too eh.

I know for me I had to admit it wasn't solving any problems and change my perspective to - dealing with what I see and do, there is no way I should be drinking. This little mind trick has helped me immensely.

Good luck.

Dee74

I have no idea what you've had to deal with Chilled. Sorry if I sounded dismissive.

I live with a lot of other disabled people in my block now. It's opened my eyes to how lucky I am.

I meant no disrespoect.

But...seeing as this may be my last chance to speak to you for a while, I'll lay it out.

What I do know for sure is no matter what trauma you've had to deal with, drinking is a really crappy way to deal with it.

I think we've hurt enough yeah? it makes sense to me to look for solutions that don't hurt us more.

I know waiting for appointments is rough. I once had to wait 2 years to find the right help.

I used that as an excuse to drink more....and then didn't keep the appointment anyway.

I think to abandon yourself to drinking until you get help is a very short term solution to a long term problem.

There are avenues out there - recovery groups, helplines - that require no waiting.

Until you've tried them all, you really haven't done all you could.

I'm not beating you up. I know right now drinking seems like the solution, but I wouldn't be your friend if I let that pass unchallenged.

We'll be here whatever you decide now or in the future.

Best wishes,

D

Hevyn

Hello Chilled. The thing that haunts you won't be resolved by drinking, but I understand why you think it helps.

We'll always be around when/if you want to talk things over. You are cared about.

doggonecarl

So the day you decide to give up you pull the trauma card. Didn't think that mentioning that during your struggles to stay sober might have helped you?

I don't know what your past traumas were, doesn't matter. Your current trauma is your drinking. Hope you figure that out...before it's too late.

Chilledice

Pull the trauma card?............ CARD?????

Chilledice

I am deeply offended by your comment I truly am! I cant help but think how rude this is of you!

Kaneda8888

Hey CD

You sound like you're in a very tough space right now. Let's put the drinking to the side and look at these traumas. Are you truly dealing with these trauma feelings in ways to heal and resolve them or are you looking at ways to avert the feelings ? Avoidance or aversion doesn't make the trauma go away. That was my old pattern in dealing with emotional distress. Always running away. However, the issues will always return until you deal with them. Have you seen a counsellor of some sort ? I would think that therapy and support would go some way to assist in dealing with your issues.

As far as drinking goes, in what way does drinking resolve the trauma ? It may assist in avoidance but that is a short term solution for what appears to be a longer term issue. As well, I would say that drinking would only exacerbate the situation you are in ! My experience has certainly taught me that drinking was a poisonous placebo which had extremely poor consequences.

In any case, pls do stay at SR and seek support.

Lionhearted1

I think all alcoholics live with trauma some might be by others some my be even trauma to oneself.

The bitter truth is that there is no trauma on earth that justifies poisoning yourself to death! And there is no excuse for not seeking the help you may need to deal with that trauma.. You owe it to yourself and family.

Good luck, peace

Thepatman

This is about you Hilledice. Take the posts that inspire you and leave the rest.

I can understand that bad trauma ca be the root of ones problems with Alcohol.

Hope you can get help with counsellor to work things out. Rooting for you, stay strong, there is a way out. Just keep working it.

ScottFromWI

Your road is no different than ours Chilled. Thinking your past somehow exempts you from the destruction alcohol will cause you is purely your addiction talking.

You can choose your path from here, no question about that. Just know that if you work at sobriety, you have a chance to overcome your other issues. If you drink, it's an100% guarantee that things will get worse.

Chilledice

I have an appointment with an association called '' Mind'' but I think that's like 7 weeks away, the thoughts in my head keep racing and racing and RACING flashback after flashback. The only thing that calms it is the booze, and yes I feel a warmth in my heart when I drink although sometimes it ends in disaster!

The very best I can do for now is just try and cut down to moderate levels, its all I have left in me!

Thank you for taking the time to reply, I appreciate it!

courage2

Chilledice, I haven't seen you around the boards before so we have no history. I expect you're angry right now. If you can set it aside, please try.

No matter what your past experience or current hardships, if you have a drinking problem -- and why would you be here if you didn't? -- drinking will only add to them. You must know that.

Maybe a few feels like a comfort now. I understand totally.

I personally can't handle only a few. Yes, maybe once or twice, but that's just gritting my teeth and waiting for the opportunity to drink like I really want, which is an uncontrolled and uncontrollable binge, to hell with the consequences.

If you can handle moderation, and enjoy it, and it works for you, I salute you and wish you well. I don't think moderation will help you cope with whatever traumas you've alluded to, but that's nothing to do with a sobriety website.

Moderation will not bring you sobriety.

If you haven't succeeded at moderation before, I don't see any reason why you would be successful at it now.

I hope that if you pursue the plan you've described, nothing very bad happens to you -- most of the alcoholics I know have had very bad things happen to them through drinking, and I hope you are spared.

We'll be here for you.