My road is different and i am sorry
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
If I may Chill, although Carl may have used the term "card", I think what he is saying is you note "trauma" as your reason to justify utilizing alcohol as some sort of solution..some way to not make the pain so piercing perhaps? But does it really work? Is it the pain/trauma causing you to pick up that drink or is it in fact, addiction?
And admittedly, I too wondered why you don't perhaps think about sharing your trauma here...with us...in this anonymous forum? It is only a thought..perhaps you feel it is "unspeakable"...
Please get to a therapist on the double..someone you can work through this trauma with. And if money is somehow at issue, perhaps a "recovery support group" may be another answer.
What is at hand is our desire for you to in fact DEAL with what you say is causing you to drink...what you feel you cannot deal with and would rather smother with the drink.
My fear (and I believe it is likely shared by others) is that you will not in fact DEAL..but instead just keep procrastinating and drinking.
If you wish to continue drinking that is indeed your perogative, but if so..at least with caveat..get yourself HELP...NOW. You have mentioned this trauma when you have that month of sobriety.
If you are in fact going to continue to drink...please, please, please demand of yourself action towards dealing with the reason you note as why you cannot sober at this time.
Just DO SOMETHING.
We will remain in your corner Chill. That's what this place is ..so many of us ..at times..have sobriety hanging by our fingernails. We do get it. We do understand. It is up to you to allow for the possibility that WE do.
Trust someone to speak to ... Please do not allow whoever or whatever the power to continue destroying you with the liquor.
And admittedly, I too wondered why you don't perhaps think about sharing your trauma here...with us...in this anonymous forum? It is only a thought..perhaps you feel it is "unspeakable"...
Please get to a therapist on the double..someone you can work through this trauma with. And if money is somehow at issue, perhaps a "recovery support group" may be another answer.
What is at hand is our desire for you to in fact DEAL with what you say is causing you to drink...what you feel you cannot deal with and would rather smother with the drink.
My fear (and I believe it is likely shared by others) is that you will not in fact DEAL..but instead just keep procrastinating and drinking.
If you wish to continue drinking that is indeed your perogative, but if so..at least with caveat..get yourself HELP...NOW. You have mentioned this trauma when you have that month of sobriety.
If you are in fact going to continue to drink...please, please, please demand of yourself action towards dealing with the reason you note as why you cannot sober at this time.
Just DO SOMETHING.
We will remain in your corner Chill. That's what this place is ..so many of us ..at times..have sobriety hanging by our fingernails. We do get it. We do understand. It is up to you to allow for the possibility that WE do.
Trust someone to speak to ... Please do not allow whoever or whatever the power to continue destroying you with the liquor.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,501
ChilledIce, I am so sorry for what you've had to go through to get to this point. I know for certain that not one of us ends up here easily. We come in battered, beaten, lost and alone and we try to find our way.
Whatever you've been through, we can support you. We do understand how hard this is.
Whatever you've been through, we can support you. We do understand how hard this is.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Chilledice 
Pull the trauma card?............ CARD?????
But you had your reasons, just like you have reasons for leaving. I wish you the healing you need.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
If I may Chill, although Carl may have used the term "card", I think what he is saying is you note "trauma" as your reason to justify utilizing alcohol as some sort of solution..some way to not make the pain so piercing perhaps? But does it really work? Is it the pain/trauma causing you to pick up that drink or is it in fact, addiction?
And admittedly, I too wondered why you don't perhaps think about sharing your trauma here...with us...in this anonymous forum? It is only a thought..perhaps you feel it is "unspeakable"...
Please get to a therapist on the double..someone you can work through this trauma with. And if money is somehow at issue, perhaps a "recovery support group" may be another answer.
What is at hand is our desire for you to in fact DEAL with what you say is causing you to drink...what you feel you cannot deal with and would rather smother with the drink.
My fear (and I believe it is likely shared by others) is that you will not in fact DEAL..but instead just keep procrastinating and drinking.
If you wish to continue drinking that is indeed your perogative, but if so..at least with caveat..get yourself HELP...NOW. You have mentioned this trauma when you have that month of sobriety.
If you are in fact going to continue to drink...please, please, please demand of yourself action towards dealing with the reason you note as why you cannot sober at this time.
Just DO SOMETHING.
We will remain in your corner Chill. That's what this place is ..so many of us ..at times..have sobriety hanging by our fingernails. We do get it. We do understand. It is up to you to allow for the possibility that WE do.
Trust someone to speak to ... Please do not allow whoever or whatever the power to continue destroying you with the liquor.
And admittedly, I too wondered why you don't perhaps think about sharing your trauma here...with us...in this anonymous forum? It is only a thought..perhaps you feel it is "unspeakable"...
Please get to a therapist on the double..someone you can work through this trauma with. And if money is somehow at issue, perhaps a "recovery support group" may be another answer.
What is at hand is our desire for you to in fact DEAL with what you say is causing you to drink...what you feel you cannot deal with and would rather smother with the drink.
My fear (and I believe it is likely shared by others) is that you will not in fact DEAL..but instead just keep procrastinating and drinking.
If you wish to continue drinking that is indeed your perogative, but if so..at least with caveat..get yourself HELP...NOW. You have mentioned this trauma when you have that month of sobriety.
If you are in fact going to continue to drink...please, please, please demand of yourself action towards dealing with the reason you note as why you cannot sober at this time.
Just DO SOMETHING.
We will remain in your corner Chill. That's what this place is ..so many of us ..at times..have sobriety hanging by our fingernails. We do get it. We do understand. It is up to you to allow for the possibility that WE do.
Trust someone to speak to ... Please do not allow whoever or whatever the power to continue destroying you with the liquor.
Im not even scratching the details here im really not!
Just booze DOES numb me for a while!
Im sorry I really am! Just a wee bit messed up right now!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Perhaps my use of the term "card" wasn't wise, but my intent wasn't to insult. Guess what I should have said was this: That keeping a secret about something that you say is the root of your drinking was not the best way to leverage this site as a recovery tool.
But you had your reasons, just like you have reasons for leaving. I wish you the healing you need.
But you had your reasons, just like you have reasons for leaving. I wish you the healing you need.
Carl I am very sensitive right now, in times such as these I take things the way they should not be taken, im sorry!
And thank you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
If I may suggest Chilled, if you are drinking and you are also actively thinking about your trauma because it is mentioned as a factor here, please do what you need to do to take care of your safety. I know when I was drinking and thinking about dark things that happened in my past, I developed dark thoughts. Reach out to your go to people, or to a family member, or to a professional person if the darkness becomes too much okay? I know your thoughts are a little wonky right now too and this may not be what you want to hear, but drinking won't make things better right now. Your drink mind may think so, but your logical mind know that isn't really true. Stay safe Chilled, I look forward to hearing more about your journey 
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by Chilledice
There are things which Im scared to go into detail about! sexual abuse, alcoholic parents, violence, suicide attempts infront me ( no child should go through that ) even my foster parents HATED me and all I needed was love, im ANGRY im HATE FILLED im in agony inside!!!
Im not even scratching the details here im really not!
Just booze DOES numb me for a while!
Im sorry I really am! Just a wee bit messed up right now!
Im not even scratching the details here im really not!
Just booze DOES numb me for a while!
Im sorry I really am! Just a wee bit messed up right now!
I was happy when your returned.
There are awful beings in this world..who just ain't born right. There is something wrong with their heads..and their hearts and their souls. It is beyond tragic when they get their hands on innocent beings like yourself.
YOU are your parent now. It's up to you to love you the way you were meant to be loved. Those people were buggered up beyond repair.
You are not. You are a lovely soul capable of knowing right from wrong and taking responsibility..
Which is why you reached back out to Carl...
You are worth it Chill. We see and feel that...know that in what I feel is a spiritual sense.
I have no idea the hell you have suffered...but its time to stop that suffering. It is time to claim a life that is rightfully yours...
We need you here. I know I do.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Just booze DOES numb me for a while!
drinking on past trauma is like an aircraft circling round in a holding pattern...we never engage with the trauma or the reasons behind it, we just experience it over and over again.
There's no progression through the trauma to the other side,. just more picking endlessly at a wound so it remains raw and sore...and requires more booze to numb us out.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
I care about you Chill. I think you know that. I have been following you since your month stint. And I was sad when you decided to go...
I was happy when your returned.
There are awful beings in this world..who just ain't born right. There is something wrong with their heads..and their hearts and their souls. It is beyond tragic when they get their hands on innocent beings like yourself.
YOU are your parent now. It's up to you to love you the way you were meant to be loved. Those people were buggered up beyond repair.
You are not. You are a lovely soul capable of knowing right from wrong and taking responsibility..
Which is why you reached back out to Carl...
You are worth it Chill. We see and feel that...know that in what I feel is a spiritual sense.
I have no idea the hell you have suffered...but its time to stop that suffering. It is time to claim a life that is rightfully yours...
We need you here. I know I do.
I was happy when your returned.
There are awful beings in this world..who just ain't born right. There is something wrong with their heads..and their hearts and their souls. It is beyond tragic when they get their hands on innocent beings like yourself.
YOU are your parent now. It's up to you to love you the way you were meant to be loved. Those people were buggered up beyond repair.
You are not. You are a lovely soul capable of knowing right from wrong and taking responsibility..
Which is why you reached back out to Carl...
You are worth it Chill. We see and feel that...know that in what I feel is a spiritual sense.
I have no idea the hell you have suffered...but its time to stop that suffering. It is time to claim a life that is rightfully yours...
We need you here. I know I do.
Sorry im now just bring up random painful things. Thank you so much for listening, I feel like such a WIMP for crying out!
Having a cup of tea and a ciggeratte to calm down!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
Originally Posted by Dee74
what it also does is keep those wounds fresh...
drinking on past trauma is like an aircraft circling round in a holding pattern...we never engage with the trauma or the reasons behind it, we just experience it over and over again.
There's no progression through the trauma to the other side,. just more picking endlessly at a wound so it remains raw and sore...and requires more booze to numb us out.
D
drinking on past trauma is like an aircraft circling round in a holding pattern...we never engage with the trauma or the reasons behind it, we just experience it over and over again.
There's no progression through the trauma to the other side,. just more picking endlessly at a wound so it remains raw and sore...and requires more booze to numb us out.
D
Thank you mate, all I can say right now, thank you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
Originally Posted by soberclover
If I may suggest Chilled, if you are drinking and you are also actively thinking about your trauma because it is mentioned as a factor here, please do what you need to do to take care of your safety. I know when I was drinking and thinking about dark things that happened in my past, I developed dark thoughts. Reach out to your go to people, or to a family member, or to a professional person if the darkness becomes too much okay? I know your thoughts are a little wonky right now too and this may not be what you want to hear, but drinking won't make things better right now. Your drink mind may think so, but your logical mind know that isn't really true. Stay safe Chilled, I look forward to hearing more about your journey
I put the bottle down
put the kettle on and having a cuppa tea.Sorry for the total meltdown tonight but I AM safe and somewhat sobering up , no need to worry for me
hugs to ya Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
I see no reason for you to apologize Chilledice. It is your life to live, and you get to make the choices you feel will work for you. However, I do hope you are able to deal with the trauma you've experienced. I don't know your history, and I don't know if you've sought treatment for the trauma, but I do urge you to take whatever steps you need to take to deal with the pain. You deserve to reach a point where the trauma no longer overwhelms you.
Most of all be safe.
Most of all be safe.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Chilledice, there is nothing that is worth drinking over... nothing. Not a racing mind, not flashbacks. Plenty of us here have had trauma. You are cheating yourself out of a real chance at life here. Please don't excuse yourself as a special case. Because someone out there has had it worse than you and tackled their addiction problems. That is why I know without a shadow of a doubt you have within you what it takes to get and stay sober. We believe in you.
Added: Please open up and talk to someone you trust. Letting the secrets out will heal you.
Added: Please open up and talk to someone you trust. Letting the secrets out will heal you.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
The problem is alcohol only makes our problems worse. Losing my daughter is up there on the trauma scale but I knew and know that alcohol was not the solution and never would. I am so sick of being in pain I want to scream but as bad as I feel I know it will be worse if I add alcohol. I am not minimizing your situation but alcohol is not going to make it better. I know this reality is not what you want to hear but it is the truth.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
Originally Posted by MIRecovery
The problem is alcohol only makes our problems worse. Losing my daughter is up there on the trauma scale but I knew and know that alcohol was not the solution and never would. I am so sick of being in pain I want to scream but as bad as I feel I know it will be worse if I add alcohol. I am not minimizing your situation but alcohol is not going to make it better. I know this reality is not what you want to hear but it is the truth.
Im sorry for your pain I truly am!
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by Chilledice
Just because I MAY not want to hear it doesn't mean I don't NEED to hear it!
Im sorry for your pain I truly am!
Im sorry for your pain I truly am!
This life stuff is really fricking hard sometimes but other's have gotten through it. I know I will and I know you can
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,563
Please Chilled - you never have to apologize for sharing things that need to come out. We're the walking wounded to one degree or another - and we hold each other up. We strengthen and encourage each other. That's the beauty of this place. 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Chilled, very simply, we are all here for you. We might be miles apart in proximity, all of us harboring different scars that life has dealt us without our concent. But we are just seconds away, at any moment, from being at your side.
Your life, your being, your spirit has led you here to this family today for a reason. It is up to you in how you will move forward into tomorrow.
I am truly sorry for the hurt that has been raining down on you for so long. Drinking will only make the rain never ending.
Please get the help you need and deserve.
You are in my thoughts tonight.
Your life, your being, your spirit has led you here to this family today for a reason. It is up to you in how you will move forward into tomorrow.
I am truly sorry for the hurt that has been raining down on you for so long. Drinking will only make the rain never ending.
Please get the help you need and deserve.
You are in my thoughts tonight.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hey Chilled
You're not the first person to haul out the 'if you had my life you'd drink too' line.
I used it with my cerebral palsy - but the truth is there are people around with far more severe disabilities than mine - and they don't drink to deal with 'stuff'.
I'm sure, if you think about it, you'll have to admit that's the case for you too.
I think you need to take a step sideways and really think about what you've tried to stop drinking and how hard you've tried to do it.
Can you really say you've given it you all?
Don't settle for second best Chilled. You deserve better.
D
You're not the first person to haul out the 'if you had my life you'd drink too' line.
I used it with my cerebral palsy - but the truth is there are people around with far more severe disabilities than mine - and they don't drink to deal with 'stuff'.
I'm sure, if you think about it, you'll have to admit that's the case for you too.
I think you need to take a step sideways and really think about what you've tried to stop drinking and how hard you've tried to do it.
Can you really say you've given it you all?
Don't settle for second best Chilled. You deserve better.
D
This exactly
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