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-   -   The first step is admitting your an alcoholic right? (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/343941-first-step-admitting-your-alcoholic-right.html)

drunkinnumber2 09-03-2014 10:33 AM

The first step is admitting your an alcoholic right?
 
Or so i hear in films....
I've been on this slowly unravelling experience of realisation for about 18 months now.
Yet I still don't fully FEEL I'm an alcoholic, even though all the online tests say i probably am.
Does anyone actually ever accept 100% they are, or is it more just persuading yourself you are in a semi reality to justify why that bottle of tequila is staying closed??
christ, i'm not sure i'm making any sense, does it?
What i'm trying to describe is so hard to verbalise..... but it's a very real, distant feeling to me.... Like I'm up in the clouds talking about Bella the alcoholic that i'm looking down on. rather than in my own skin.
I must sound bat s*** crazy. just wondered if any one else had a clue what i was on about????

Sulu1 09-03-2014 10:40 AM

Hi and welcome to SR!

Personally I'm not a huge fan of the 'alcoholic' term, but many are. Either way I know that I have an awful relationship with booze and the only way for me to stop it completely is through abstinence.

'Alcoholic' is obviously a subjective term, but if you're drinking when you know you shouldn't be then there's a good chance you might find it a good idea to stop!

I battled with the idea for a long time... Am I.... Aren't i? Eventually I realised that what I labelled myself wasn't the issue.

I've still a long way to go myself and am still 'feeling' my way. Usually if someone is posting on a recovery forum I think they know something is wrong, whatever they want to call it :)

biminiblue 09-03-2014 10:42 AM

The word isn't really important. What's important is if alcohol is causing you problems in your life.

It will get worse, never better.

doggonecarl 09-03-2014 10:46 AM

First step in what? Quitting?

drunkinnumber2 09-03-2014 10:47 AM

Sorry, how bloody rude of me! Hello to you all too. so nice to meet you xx
Yeah i suppose its not so much the label "alcoholic" i'm having issue with, more of the realisation "you have a problem" rather than "aww I'm just an ex model/party girl who knows how to let her hair down still, keeping it youthful"
but i think as i'm getting older, falling over in public, not a good look.
I think my biggest challenge will be the next traumatic event i go through (they happen more often than you could believe)
Usually thats when the shots into oblivion happen
i suppose the idea is to work yourself into a place where these things don't happen anymore i guess?

drunkinnumber2 09-03-2014 10:48 AM


Originally Posted by doggonecarl (Post 4876751)
First step in what? Quitting?

well i have quit, and it's early days and baby steps, i don't really know what i'm saying, this, much like sex was a taboo subject in my house. I'm just trying to enunciate feelings that now i've sobered up, cried my eyes out for 2 days, i'm now getting
i've got a general knot in my stomach, guilt. I have no idea what about?

drunkinnumber2 09-03-2014 10:49 AM


Originally Posted by doggonecarl (Post 4876751)
First step in what? Quitting?

gorgeous pupp by the way x

biminiblue 09-03-2014 10:50 AM

Yeah, well you could say your life is pretty unmanageable if you're falling down and describe yourself as the party girl and are having regular "traumatic events". It really isn't a good look at any age.

Stopping completely is really your only option. You can't "work your way into" moderate use.

drunkinnumber2 09-03-2014 10:52 AM


Originally Posted by biminiblue (Post 4876763)
Yeah, well you could say your life is pretty unmanageable if you're falling down and describe yourself as the party girl. It really isn't a good look at any age.

Stopping completely is really your only option. You can't "work your way into" moderate use.

No i don't think so either.

I just don't know what part of me is left anymore
The friends
The places I go
The way I cope with things
On this application it asked what my hobbies are, I have spent so long trying to forget who I am I guess it's kind of worked!

How to build a human being from scratch, huh?

PurpleKnight 09-03-2014 10:53 AM

Welcome to the Forum!! :wave:

What does an alcoholic feel like? for me alcohol was causing problems in my life, whatever that was called the solution was the same regardless, sure I tried to rationalise the problem away by comparing myself to "definitions" of alcoholic, but still the solution remained the same, change my relationship with alcohol!!

You'll find loads of support here on SR!! :)

doggonecarl 09-03-2014 10:53 AM

I think once you admit you have a problem with drinking and alcohol--call it alcoholism, call it alcohol dependent, call it whatever you want--you can then address the solution properly. Few of us could just "quit" drinking. We had to learn how to tackle life sober, which is a whole lot different than just not drinking.

Good luck.

drunkinnumber2 09-03-2014 10:57 AM


Originally Posted by Purpleknight (Post 4876766)
Welcome to the Forum!! :wave:

What does an alcoholic feel like? for me alcohol was causing problems in my life, whatever that was called the solution was the same regardless, sure I tried to rationalise the problem away by comparing myself to "definitions" of alcoholic, but still the solution remained the same, change my relationship with alcohol!!

You'll find loads of support here on SR!! :)

Hi, thanks

From when you first quit for good, how long was it until the pangs started setting in? I've just spent 5 days in bed going through all sorts. the sweats only just stopped last night. It was dreadful, and the dreams.
At the moment I'm too on a high that that is over to want a drink.... when does the "urge" set in again.... and how do you not give in.
I feel like a bit of a wally but i'm scared. I like me sober....

drunkinnumber2 09-03-2014 10:57 AM


Originally Posted by doggonecarl (Post 4876767)
I think once you admit you have a problem with drinking and alcohol--call it alcoholism, call it alcohol dependent, call it whatever you want--you can then address the solution properly. Few of us could just "quit" drinking. We had to learn how to tackle life sober, which is a whole lot different than just not drinking.

Good luck.

I must sound like such a wimp.... but it just seems like an impossible wall to climb

Nonsensical 09-03-2014 10:59 AM

Welcome to SR!


Originally Posted by drunkinnumber2 (Post 4876765)
I just don't know what part of me is left anymore

There's a way to find out. :)

It's a dastardly predicament, isn't it? Alcohol robs us of the best parts of our humanity and the addiction convinces us to call it friend.

I was in that same state for many many years. There is a better way. I had to stop drinking to find it.

Best of Luck on Your Journey! :ring

LBrain 09-03-2014 11:05 AM

welcome to the forum, I have nothing to add except that I agree with everything that's already been said.

PurpleKnight 09-03-2014 11:06 AM


Originally Posted by drunkinnumber2 (Post 4876770)
From when you first quit for good, how long was it until the pangs started setting in? I've just spent 5 days in bed going through all sorts. the sweats only just stopped last night. It was dreadful, and the dreams.
At the moment I'm too on a high that that is over to want a drink.... when does the "urge" set in again.... and how do you not give in.
I feel like a bit of a wally but i'm scared. I like me sober....

I had to keep reminding myself that the body can't heal years of drinking in a matter of days, the body needs to adjust, but it's going to take time, the initial period can be rough, but hang in there!!

Then after a week or 2, I had the thoughts of I feel better and so maybe 1 drink won't hurt, because the mind is great at forgetting all the bad stuff, everything seems great and so maybe I didn't have a problem in the first place!!

It's very important to get a support structure in place in preparation for those moments, I could convince myself of anything in isolation, alone with my thoughts on a friday evening was only going to end one way, instead I needed something outside of myself to short circuit what my mind was telling me, whether it's checking out SR on a regular basis, meetings, community groups etc, whatever it is, it needs to get you outside of your own mind, help you to keep pushing through when the bad side of drinking and the withdrawals fade into the past!!

You can do this!! :)

drunkinnumber2 09-03-2014 11:06 AM


Originally Posted by Nonsensical (Post 4876775)
Welcome to SR!



There's a way to find out. :)

It's a dastardly predicament, isn't it? Alcohol robs us of the best parts of our humanity and the addiction convinces us to call it friend.

I was in that same state for many many years. There is a better way. I had to stop drinking to find it.

Best of Luck on Your Journey! :ring

its funny when you're 16 and you've snuck into a nightclub and you're drinking a glass of dry white wine coz thats whats your mum ordered you think your so damn glamourous... wish i could shake 16 year old me now and slap her in the face! ha

drunkinnumber2 09-03-2014 11:07 AM


Originally Posted by LBrain (Post 4876785)
welcome to the forum, I have nothing to add except that I agree with everything that's already been said.

thank you x

drunkinnumber2 09-03-2014 11:09 AM


Originally Posted by Purpleknight (Post 4876786)
I had to keep reminding myself that the body can't heal years of drinking in a matter of days, the body needs to adjust, but it's going to take time, the initial period can be rough, but hang in there!!

Then after a week or 2, I had the thoughts of I feel better and so maybe 1 drink won't hurt, because the mind is great at forgetting all the bad stuff, everything seems great and so maybe I didn't have a problem in the first place!!

It's very important to get a support structure in place in preparation for those moments, I could convince myself of anything in isolation, alone with my thoughts on a friday evening was only going to end one way, instead I needed something outside of myself to short circuit what my mind was telling me, whether it's checking out SR on a regular basis, meetings, community groups etc, whatever it is, it needs to get you outside of your own mind, help you to keep pushing through when the bad side of drinking and the withdrawals fade into the past!!

You can do this!! :)

so alcohol abuse is like leaving an old bad boyfriend? once the pain wears off, and the loneliness and the boredom sets in, it's very easy to forget all the bad things and make the decision to get back together. been there on both counts
:S lol

Mangoes 09-03-2014 11:10 AM

I know of no "alcohol enhanced" people, whether alcoholic or problem drinker, who have looked back after a period of life change and sobriety and said "wow, life was so much better when I was drinking".

I can find quizzes online that say my drinking is fine, and others that say I'm a full blown alcoholic. A lot of it has to do with whose quiz it is, and how brutally honest you are in answering the questions.

I don't need a label. My drinking affects ME and my happiness. That's enough. The grass in this case really is greener.


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