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I Screwed Up

Old 09-02-2014, 10:12 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Thumbs up All we have is now!

You only have today along with only having this very moment. You did all that was in your power to do regarding the incident and that's all that matters; you did your part.
Take a second and breath. Focus on one day at time; so simple yet we seem to make it that much more complicated.
Regarding your situation with your ex: "relationships can be a terribly painful area. We tend to fantasize and project what will happen. We get angry and resentful if our fantasies are not fulfilled"
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Old 09-03-2014, 07:47 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Wow. A lot of stuff to address here. I'll just start from the start. I'm not in denial about my drinking. I didn't just buy that bottle of wine for the soup. I bought it because I had one drink after the incident with the guy bonking his head (he isn't epileptic - I overheard him on the phone with 911) and was overwhelmed with this crazy urge to keep drinking. So I bought wine. Like I said, I screwed up.

An excuse to drink? Yeah, I'm willing to buy that. I was genuinely rattled though.

Non alcoholic wine...for cooking...doesn't bother me at all. The variety I used to be able to find also contained salt, so you can't drink it. Cooking with that stuff is in no way a trigger for me. Drinking it? Ew. Out of the question. That statement may cause some controversy, but I'm telling the truth here. I cook with wine from time to time, but it is very dangerous to bring a bottle of regular wine home because I will drink it. No danger with the other stuff. Vanilla extract also contains alcohol sometimes, and I wouldn't drink that either.

So - how do I feel today? I feel like drinking. Immediately. Now. Fortunately, there's no alcohol in the house because I put tomatoes and garlic in it, so there you go.

Not feeling great about myself today, though. There's a very strong urge to give up for a while and come back later. When I'm ready. I realize how stupid that sounds, because I don't think I'll ever feel ready.
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Old 09-03-2014, 09:51 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Hi Avice,
You are feeling frustrated. I get that, we all do. We have all been at day 1. Me, more times than I care to count. Make it day 1 and you don't have to feel like this again. Tomorrow
Will be day 2 and little by little you will begin to feel better.
Take soup off your menu for now, unless it comes in a can
(((Hugs)))) you can do this
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Old 09-03-2014, 09:56 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Avice View Post
There's a very strong urge to give up for a while and come back later. When I'm ready.
Quitting tomorrow is easy. I drank for ten years with plans of quitting tomorrow. It wasn't until I quit today that I had success. Sober today and have been for four years.

If you don't drink today, you are on your way to many more.
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Old 09-03-2014, 10:14 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Avice View Post
I don't think I'll ever feel ready.
I had to get to the stage of not looking forward to the day I WANTED to quit drinking, I realised that day would never come either whilst I was still drinking, instead I had to look at the NEED to not drink in the here and now, what is alcohol doing to my life? what road is it leading me down?

Sobriety will turn that on it's head after a while, as we learn the benefits of leaving alcohol behind then in hindsight it will look like a great decision, but not from the viewpoint when still drinking, my mind didn't want me to quit either!!

We all needed to take a leap of faith and believe that alcohol was doing us no favours!!
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Old 09-06-2014, 06:17 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Back again. Starting Day 3 sober. I would have posted, but I've felt too messed up over the past couple days.

Something occurred to me...I think that the guy falling down and having what appeared to be a seizure drove me to drink in part because I'm terrified of having a seizure from withdrawal myself...I live alone, which adds to the fear.

However, I did some research on the net to find out what kind of risk category I fall into, which made me feel somewhat better. Yesterday, I started having 'tongue shocks' and brain zaps whenever I turned my head. So...I gave myself permission to take up to 2mg of Xanax (4 of my pills). As it turned out, I only needed to take 0.5 and the brain zaps didn't come back.

So. No seizure. Day 3. I feel like I've been hit by a truck, but no brain zaps today.
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Old 09-06-2014, 06:20 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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By the way, I'm making CAULIFLOWER soup today.
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Old 09-06-2014, 06:35 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Welcome back and congrats on day 3. Please be safe and see a doctor if your symptom worsen though, self medicating with benzos based on internet knowledge is a very risky proposition.
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Old 09-06-2014, 07:51 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Scott, don't worry. I've been prescribed Xanax for quite a while. Never abused it - 0.5 mg is an extremely low dose.
I will go to the Dr. if anything weird happens though. Promise!
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