budlight

I didn't even drink till I was 27. Now I'm a functioning alcoholic if that is what you want to call it. I don't even drink liquor or even enough wine to mention but I am powerless over beer. If I drink 1 I'll drink 20. I don't know what to do, I can't stop and I don't know why. I feel horrible when I drink more than 2 or 3 but I do it anyway. When I don't drink I feel great. My life is falling apart and I'm too scared to get checked by my doctor for fear of liver disease. I'm not aggressive or abusive in any way and I treat my wife and kids great. I do think my wife is cheating on me and it just makes it worse.

I'm fading fast and I'm losing hope.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum budlight!!

You can turn this around, you get to write the new chapter to your life.

You'll find loads of support here on SR!!

sprout50

Well, you just made the first step by coming here and admitting that you need help. I can relate to the if I drink one, I drink 20. That is why i don't drink ANY. We fool ourselves into thinking we can control it-only drink 1 or 2 etc....but it always ends up the same way.

I am not a Dr and don't give medical advice. I don't know if you will need medical assistance to detox so I suggest talking to your Dr or looking into rehab clinics. If you think you can just stop, maybe look into AA? Definately, keep posting here. We have all been where you are.

Alynn

Hey Budlight!!!

I found hope here yesterday! Everyone is really nice. Get onto the September class forum and we will all keep each other accountable. Check in everyday. I absolutely think this can help. I'm on the same path. Beer was my poison also and I'm only a couple days ahead of you. We CAN stay sober!!!

Soberwolf

Hi budlight welcome

Stay on this site and make posts on what you feel and what your experiencing

Alcohol is ruining your life now is the time to get sober

Don't be another statistic you can do this reclaim your life

budlight

What does the class do? I don't know anything about any of this. I just know that I need to change my life.

sharpdistance

Those sober days feel great. The best thing for me about getting sober is feeling physically well every day. Good luck.

budlight

Funny thing is that when I got a DUI 2 years ago, I had to enroll in that program where they ask you to call in everyday and come in for a test randomly. I was in that program for 6 months and didn't so much as sniff a drink! They very day I was out of that program I drank an entire case of beer.

If I can go 6 months without a drink under fear of going to jail, why can't I stop now? I just don't get this. I really don't. It's like someone is controlling me. Even though I KNOW I should not do this, I do it anyway. Like in those movies where the person is possessed by a demon. He knows what he is doing but is powerless to stop it because somebody else is pulling the strings.

doggonecarl

You have just described alcohol addiction. It will do anything to maintain its hold on you, do anything to convince you that you should drink.

The good news is the addiction can be defeated, or at least put into remission.

ru12

I really feel for you here. It is terribly confusing when keep drinking past when we planned to stop. I've found that the easiest way for me to control my drinking was to just not start in the first place. I'm sorry that your wife may be stepping out, but I can guarantee you that drinking won't make that situation better. Living with a drunk will stress any relationship.

Charlie117926

Hang in there BL:

By the writing of your post, you and I are a lot alike. I am (trying not to be) a heavy beer drinker. Also, I have no aggression. I am the "happy drunk" (what an oxymoron) but like you everything is (and will continue if I don't change) falling apart.

Also Like you, I have a wife and kids and even though I feel unworthy of giving advice, I will say one thing I know to be fact, nothing will get better with that can / bottle in your hand. I struggle everyday. Give it everything you have and get all the support (SR and more) that you need to be there for your kids and wife. I wish you the best and SR can be of great help.

You ARE NOT alone

biminiblue

budlight, The "demon" is addiction. You are feeding it. You can starve it.


Here's the link to the September thread:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...er-2014-a.html

It's good to make some eFriends

Welcome to the site, you can do it!

FreeOwl

I have some really good news for you;

Your life can be amazing.

Without beer.

Without any alcohol at all.

You don't have to "give up" anything except shame, guilt, frustration, hangovers, vomit, DUI's, fights, fallouts, damaged relationships, wasted money, wasted time, health problems.....

The only thing you have to stop doing, is pouring poison down your throat.

And with the time you reclaim from that, you get to START doing a whole lot of new things that will lead to but not be limited to; Joy, happiness, fun, laughter, reality, emotions, intimacy, celebration, discovery, growth, meeting challenges head on, responsibility, accomplishment, good health, strength, awareness, clarity, trust, preparedness, oh... and JOY!!

Wow, are you gonna be stoked.

Welcome.

herradura

There are a lot of people on here who cant stop after one( I am one of them). Don't focus on the 2-20, focus on not having the first one. Lots of support here and good luck to you. Just know you are not alone.

budlight

Thanks

budlight

That's great advice. Once I start I just can't stop until I fall asleep. Also I'm scared to death of getting checked by the doctor. They say anything more than 2 drinks a day can give you liver issues. I've been drinking at least 12 a day for 10 years. I'm terrified to go get checked!

biminiblue

Only way to overcome fear is through it.

The liver can heal from quite a lot of abuse. You have to stop, though.

Go to the doc. Then you will know. You need to know. Don't keep drinking just because you think it's too late. It isn't.

It's a simple blood draw. Not expensive, not painful.

budlight

I'm scared to death but I'm trying to get up the courage to go. I think if I go and the doctor says I'm ok it may give me an even bigger boost to kick this thing.

Mrrryah1

Welcome Budlight. I feel your pain, I am suffering too. I have both the blessing & curse of being able to say that I have tried sobriety & relapsed many times. I can say with absolute sincerity that with recovery & time things do get better. We get to be the people we were always intended to be. Free of the shackles of booze & addiction. Are you going to try checking out meetings or anything? They've really helped me in the past.

biminiblue

I drank about that same amount as you did for at least that long and I don't have liver damage from alcohol, and I'm a woman. My liver numbers are in the normal range.

Just go.

Call right now