SolitaryThinker

Naturally some days are better then others, but lately is been the underlying theme of my life

SolitaryThinker

I don't like being me...

SolitaryThinker

I need to start tho...it's critical...

Dee74

Part of my recovery was learning to like who I was. Noone expects you to get that done in a few weeks

I think it's really important to try and not fall back into those old behaviours tho. It's important to strive to keep moving forward, not back...even if feels like it's only a millimetre forward, that's ok - it soon adds up

Soberpotamus

I learned to accept myself in the first year. It was tough. Taking away the alcohol can be brutal but its necessary to remove any illusions.

Altoids

I'm glad you are posting, ST. Reaching out is a great step in the right direction. You mentioned that you see a therapist/counselor on Fridays. Call them in the morning to let them know what is going on. Please take care of yourself. This world needs you.

Soberwolf

You need to work out a plan that you can stick to when you drink your cconsciously choosing to

Your not a looser but I see no real action from you

All i See is drinking and problems

If you want to stop then go thru WD and clear it out your system but there needs be action

All your doing is relapsing and berating yourself

Don't you want more ? Keep fighting eventually youul win

SolitaryThinker

I just feel really childish...but I have an extremely unhealthy relationship with booze and drugs...
I'll call them....
I don't even know what to so with myself when I'm sober...it's really not good...I donno what to do anymore...I'll sober up and do good for a while and cave every damn time...and each time is worse then the one prior...I'm just sick of feeling sad honestly...I'm trying to get to the bottom of it thru therapy...I don't even have anything really going on in the particular moment in time...I just think too much...thank you for listening...I hate to sound so cliche but nobody understands me

Soberwolf

It addiction and maybe you have to find out the hard way keep posting others will learn from this as I have

What u seem to forget is that we were all once you

Your not special like ur no different your in denial bigtime

Stop now and stop saying I can't I'm tired of can't if u don't want to stop that's different


Sounds like u don't want to stop

SolitaryThinker

Part of me dosent still honestly but a huge part of me does...

SolitaryThinker

I've hit rock bottom years ago, I've been off drugs for a long time now, but booze is the pest that I can't get off of me....

Soberpotamus

Have you thought about writing out a Pros and Cons list? Pros of getting sober, pros of drinking, cons of getting sober, cons of drinking. Make a grid on your paper, a horizontal line intersecting a vertical line. That's the way I did mine. I know that sounds simple and cliche, but it's enlightening.

SolitaryThinker

Yes I have, and gratitude lists as well...perhaps I should do it over

Coldfusion

Someone shared at a meeting the other day that when feeling troubled, one should do a verbal gratitude list.

SolitaryThinker

Yes they do help, I need to do an updated one

Soberwolf

you need serious hardcore help no offence but iI'm speaking to the big part that does

Go to a doctor hospital say you need professional help

Its obvious your going to need help

So why havnt you done that if a big part wants to change then use all of that part to get help

I was in that hell for 3 months my life could be yours and vice versa


I knew i didnt want to live like that and I done everything I could to get help

I realise the hell your in but here I am advising a good way out of it

Go to your doctor pls post about your recovery you can do it

Alynn

Yep drinking causes depression and anxiety for me. The longer I distance myself from it the Bette I feel!

I can do all things through he who strengthens me

Sulu1

Hey ST,

Welcome back. I know the feeling don't you worry, been there countless times. Things always seem much worse when you are withdrawing - add to that the guilt and shame you are probably feeling and it's no wonder you feel so down.

There are many more things you can try in your recovery though I'm sure? I didn't like AA either it wasn't for me. I'm using rational recovery now and it seems to fit with me as a person much better, have you looked into that or SMART maybe?

Take care

Jupiters

it is tough. This is a lot harder than I ever anticipated and draining on every level. When you spend the majority of your life running or hiding from your TRUE self, and trying to drown yourself away - when you wake up and take the booze away...wow. I don't even know who I am. I'm almost 38 years old and just learning (albeit slowly and with counselling) who I am. When you start drinking at an early age, you've totally changed the path and now it's time to navigate in the right direction (hopefully)...

nobody said it would be easy! LOL

PurpleKnight

Slow it all down ST!! Rome wasn't built in a day as they say, small steps!!

When I quit drinking I still disliked myself, that's why I drank, or didn't see a problem in drinking, what was there to live for? but alcohol I came to realise wasn't going to create that life that I wanted, I didn't know what that was at the time, I needed to take a leap of faith into the unknown, but I wasn't going to find it in a bottle, surely there had to be something better than this?!!

But for the next few months, I still disliked myself, it was never going to fix itself overnight, it was going to take time, a learning curve, alongside the learning curve of living without alcohol, it was a working progress, and still is!!

Hang in there, there are people here that have fought those same battles!!