This is for all or nothing day 1 down
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 2
This is for all or nothing day 1 down
Hey Everyone,
Well for once in my life I am going admit I am an alcoholic. That was not easy, but I finally am ready to admit it.
I will tell you all a bit about myself. First off, I was always just a once and a while drinker only drank when going to the bar or out with friends. I always had a problem with having a few too many and forgetting basically what I did the night before.
My husband always says it is not a sprint it is a marathon. Back than, maybe we went and got drunk like every few months. And I never thought about it at home.
Well about 2 years ago in the winter I started buying beer, staying up all night playing games etc. I have no idea what triggered it. My husband worked nights 11pm to 7am so basically I could do whatever I wanted, and as long I did my online job and farm work. I thought I had it pretty made.
I only drank the 5 nights he worked and was the perfect person on weekends. But I was dumb and was always hiding it, so I would be careless and leave empties everywhere! I mean hidden in every nook and cranny in the house. You think I would be smart and throw them in the garbage...No pretty much not!
Well, it did not take long for my husband to pick up the scent. First thing was him telling me please do not drink in house. I hid drinking in the house of course because I did not want to try and quit. Heck, Drinking is fun to me. It calms me makes me feel happy etc. Well I never quit. All our fights are because of my drinking issues.
About every month or so I get drunk and become beligerent to him and whoever we are around. I would much rather drink alone than even see my friends. I have now distanced myself from family and friends. All I think about that first beer I am going to sneak while I cook supper or go check the cows.
or how am I going to get beer tonight without him knowing about it? That is my big question that rolls through my head first think in the morning. Or will 6 tall 16 ouncers be enough for me tonight or how many can I have before he notices.
I forgot to mention a bit earlier that my husband quit his job a year ago so we can be self employed together. So it is much harder to hide now. But, if I don't quit I will lose my marriage. He is a good man and I do not want to lose him at all.
Before drinking I used to read at least 5 books a week, spend time with good friends, go to the movies, go to church often etc. We did things that were fun. I quit smoking 04/23/14 and that kind of triggered even for me to drink more.
I still do my job and drink only in the afternoon/night. Never drink and drive. But drinking 12 beers a night is bad and I need help. I can not blame being German anymore. No one in my family knows I have a problem at all. I am one day alcohol free.
I know I should go to AA but I live in a small town in know EVERYONE. I feel ashamed..Thanks for reading my big story..Have a great night
Well for once in my life I am going admit I am an alcoholic. That was not easy, but I finally am ready to admit it.
I will tell you all a bit about myself. First off, I was always just a once and a while drinker only drank when going to the bar or out with friends. I always had a problem with having a few too many and forgetting basically what I did the night before.
My husband always says it is not a sprint it is a marathon. Back than, maybe we went and got drunk like every few months. And I never thought about it at home.
Well about 2 years ago in the winter I started buying beer, staying up all night playing games etc. I have no idea what triggered it. My husband worked nights 11pm to 7am so basically I could do whatever I wanted, and as long I did my online job and farm work. I thought I had it pretty made.
I only drank the 5 nights he worked and was the perfect person on weekends. But I was dumb and was always hiding it, so I would be careless and leave empties everywhere! I mean hidden in every nook and cranny in the house. You think I would be smart and throw them in the garbage...No pretty much not!
Well, it did not take long for my husband to pick up the scent. First thing was him telling me please do not drink in house. I hid drinking in the house of course because I did not want to try and quit. Heck, Drinking is fun to me. It calms me makes me feel happy etc. Well I never quit. All our fights are because of my drinking issues.
About every month or so I get drunk and become beligerent to him and whoever we are around. I would much rather drink alone than even see my friends. I have now distanced myself from family and friends. All I think about that first beer I am going to sneak while I cook supper or go check the cows.
or how am I going to get beer tonight without him knowing about it? That is my big question that rolls through my head first think in the morning. Or will 6 tall 16 ouncers be enough for me tonight or how many can I have before he notices.
I forgot to mention a bit earlier that my husband quit his job a year ago so we can be self employed together. So it is much harder to hide now. But, if I don't quit I will lose my marriage. He is a good man and I do not want to lose him at all.
Before drinking I used to read at least 5 books a week, spend time with good friends, go to the movies, go to church often etc. We did things that were fun. I quit smoking 04/23/14 and that kind of triggered even for me to drink more.
I still do my job and drink only in the afternoon/night. Never drink and drive. But drinking 12 beers a night is bad and I need help. I can not blame being German anymore. No one in my family knows I have a problem at all. I am one day alcohol free.
I know I should go to AA but I live in a small town in know EVERYONE. I feel ashamed..Thanks for reading my big story..Have a great night
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Glad your here!
When I made a decision to quit drinking, I was ashamed to go get help. After many tries at bootstrapping sobriety , I knew for me I needed face to face support.
I told my wife - if I go to AA everyone will know I am a drunk ( small town ).
She said - Honey, they already know.
At AA I found a message and process that has kept me sober for almost 90 days - which for me miraculous. 35 years of drinking.....
SR is great and helps as well. The combination of both really is a gift of grace.
Keep posting !!!
Again, glad your here....
When I made a decision to quit drinking, I was ashamed to go get help. After many tries at bootstrapping sobriety , I knew for me I needed face to face support.
I told my wife - if I go to AA everyone will know I am a drunk ( small town ).
She said - Honey, they already know.
At AA I found a message and process that has kept me sober for almost 90 days - which for me miraculous. 35 years of drinking.....
SR is great and helps as well. The combination of both really is a gift of grace.
Keep posting !!!
Again, glad your here....
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome farmerlady, and congrats on day one. I did most of my drinking alone, hiding from my family and drank beer exclusively so I get where you are coming from. For me it got to the point of needing to drink every day and I hated it.
Regarding AA, if you know everyone, then that's even better-you'll know everyone at the meekting. And they are all alcoholics just like you, so the will welcome you with open arms.
Regarding AA, if you know everyone, then that's even better-you'll know everyone at the meekting. And they are all alcoholics just like you, so the will welcome you with open arms.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Originally Posted by farmerlady 
Well for once in my life I am going admit I am an alcoholic. That was not easy, but I finally am ready to admit it.
Welcome to SR. And hang in there.
Although I do not attend AA, I grew up in a rural setting. You may find that AA in a small town is not as hard as you think. One alternative: going to a different town.
Remember this: You *can* do this. I also live in Minnesota. If we can endure our winters, we can do anything we set our minds to.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
Welcome farmerlady, and congrats on day one. I did most of my drinking alone, hiding from my family and drank beer exclusively so I get where you are coming from. For me it got to the point of needing to drink every day and I hated it. Regarding AA, if you know everyone, then that's even better-you'll know everyone at the meekting. And they are all alcoholics just like you, so the will welcome you with open arms.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 2
You all, do not even know how good you made me feel. With the Good Lords help and you all I am going to quit this nasty habit. I was sent here with one Google search for help.
Thank you all you wonderful people and I hope I can help others someday like all you do.
ScottfromWI you are absolutely correct. Pride comes before a fall.
I will try to gain some some courage and just go.
Thank you all you wonderful people and I hope I can help others someday like all you do.
ScottfromWI you are absolutely correct. Pride comes before a fall.
I will try to gain some some courage and just go.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Arizona
Posts: 14
I am on day 2 of being sober after making a wholehearted realization yesterday that I just need to surrender to the fact that I am a full-blown alcoholic. And not that I didn't really know that in the back of my mind before - I guess I just wasn't ready to let go of my cling to alcohol just yet - until waking up yesterday morning with another horrendous hangover after yet another time starting out thinking that I'm just going to try to moderate.
I can totally relate to what you mention about drinking alone. Although I really did love going out with people and going to bars, I think I did enjoy drinking on my own more. And I never would drink and drive, so when I would go out, it would always be somewhere I could walk to, take public transit, or catch a ride home. But I guess drinking alone always felt the easiest, safest, and least expensive. I would love drinking all night, listening to music, watching concert videos, etc.
After a personal tragedy happened over 3 1/2 years ago (which basically led me back to drinking afterwards unfortunately), I have lived alone, so it was just so easy to come home from work and just drink. But it sure makes for a lonely existence, and there's certainly nothing rewarding about it!
So yesterday, I decided that I have two groups of options:
Option 1) I will quit drinking. I will become healthier in body, mind, and spirit. I will open my mind up and motivate myself toward using the tools I have found and work on the things that I need to work on to truly recover and find peace, so that I will not feel the need to self-medicate with alcohol. I will maintain constant vigilance against the cravings to use alcohol. I will seek out healthy things to do with my time. I will seek out healthy relationships that do not revolve around alcohol.
OR
Option 2) If I continue to drink, I will ruin my body, mind, and spirit. If I continue to drink, I will continue to come home day after day, sit on the couch, and drink myself to oblivion, which in turn will continue to prolong my loneliness and isolation. If I continue to drink, I will basically continue to spin my wheels in a direction that leads me further away from happiness and takes me away from a having a productive life. If I continue to drink, the years will continue to pass me by, and maybe 5 or 10 years from now I will have ended up drinking so much over the years that I have given myself cirrhosis of the liver, and I may end up in the hospital swollen and bloated because they have to drain yet another round of fluid accumulation in my abdomen. How would I feel then? Sick, suffering, in pain, and full of regret.
Yesterday, I really had to come to terms with these harsh realities, and I realized that I had come to a crossroads. I realized that I needed to follow my heart and my true self and realize that I don't need to live this kind of alcoholic life. There is so much more to life than sitting on the couch drinking all the time. I realized that there is no more need for me to run and hide from life, and that everything is manageable. I felt hopeful. I felt the need to make a better life for myself, and that I would not tolerate living like this anymore - that I needed to work toward creating happiness in my life through healthy behaviors and practices.
Option 1 that I describe above is so much better than option 2. So, I asked myself why, in all logic, would I want to follow option 2?
This alcoholic addictive craving will control me no more. It will not fool me, entice me, and make me cover up all logic with its illusory painted rosy picture of lies. There is no friend in another bottle of beer. Alcohol has been destroying me, and it is time for me to come back to life.
Instead of putting alcohol up on a pedestal and glorifying it as I would do in my alcoholic mind, I am going to look at wine, beer, whiskey, etc. for exactly what it is to an alcoholic: a cunning poison that destroys lives. There is no good to be found in a bottle of it.
I feel wholehearted and steadfast in my decision to start and maintain recovery. I am strong, and I know that I can do it.
Wow, I didn't mean to be so lengthy, but I could really relate to your story, so I thought I would share mine. The words just kept flowing out.
Thank you for your insight, and keep moving ahead with your sobriety! You have made the right decision in deciding to become sober. And soberrecovery.com is a wonderful place where you will find tons of support.
I can totally relate to what you mention about drinking alone. Although I really did love going out with people and going to bars, I think I did enjoy drinking on my own more. And I never would drink and drive, so when I would go out, it would always be somewhere I could walk to, take public transit, or catch a ride home. But I guess drinking alone always felt the easiest, safest, and least expensive. I would love drinking all night, listening to music, watching concert videos, etc.
After a personal tragedy happened over 3 1/2 years ago (which basically led me back to drinking afterwards unfortunately), I have lived alone, so it was just so easy to come home from work and just drink. But it sure makes for a lonely existence, and there's certainly nothing rewarding about it!
So yesterday, I decided that I have two groups of options:
Option 1) I will quit drinking. I will become healthier in body, mind, and spirit. I will open my mind up and motivate myself toward using the tools I have found and work on the things that I need to work on to truly recover and find peace, so that I will not feel the need to self-medicate with alcohol. I will maintain constant vigilance against the cravings to use alcohol. I will seek out healthy things to do with my time. I will seek out healthy relationships that do not revolve around alcohol.
OR
Option 2) If I continue to drink, I will ruin my body, mind, and spirit. If I continue to drink, I will continue to come home day after day, sit on the couch, and drink myself to oblivion, which in turn will continue to prolong my loneliness and isolation. If I continue to drink, I will basically continue to spin my wheels in a direction that leads me further away from happiness and takes me away from a having a productive life. If I continue to drink, the years will continue to pass me by, and maybe 5 or 10 years from now I will have ended up drinking so much over the years that I have given myself cirrhosis of the liver, and I may end up in the hospital swollen and bloated because they have to drain yet another round of fluid accumulation in my abdomen. How would I feel then? Sick, suffering, in pain, and full of regret.
Yesterday, I really had to come to terms with these harsh realities, and I realized that I had come to a crossroads. I realized that I needed to follow my heart and my true self and realize that I don't need to live this kind of alcoholic life. There is so much more to life than sitting on the couch drinking all the time. I realized that there is no more need for me to run and hide from life, and that everything is manageable. I felt hopeful. I felt the need to make a better life for myself, and that I would not tolerate living like this anymore - that I needed to work toward creating happiness in my life through healthy behaviors and practices.
Option 1 that I describe above is so much better than option 2. So, I asked myself why, in all logic, would I want to follow option 2?
This alcoholic addictive craving will control me no more. It will not fool me, entice me, and make me cover up all logic with its illusory painted rosy picture of lies. There is no friend in another bottle of beer. Alcohol has been destroying me, and it is time for me to come back to life.
Instead of putting alcohol up on a pedestal and glorifying it as I would do in my alcoholic mind, I am going to look at wine, beer, whiskey, etc. for exactly what it is to an alcoholic: a cunning poison that destroys lives. There is no good to be found in a bottle of it.
I feel wholehearted and steadfast in my decision to start and maintain recovery. I am strong, and I know that I can do it.
Wow, I didn't mean to be so lengthy, but I could really relate to your story, so I thought I would share mine. The words just kept flowing out.
Thank you for your insight, and keep moving ahead with your sobriety! You have made the right decision in deciding to become sober. And soberrecovery.com is a wonderful place where you will find tons of support.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Ga
Posts: 1,511
I'm on day one as well. I hid the beer from my husband but he would find empties everywhere as well. I would try to sneak it in the house in my purse. I've left beer cans in ladies rooms everywhere so I could order 2 at dinner and pop women in the bathroom (I know so gross). I'm not going back. I had the worst black out a couple if days ago. Now I have bruised knees. Stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: london
Posts: 49
Alynn, dito! I'd take a bottle of wine out with me, hide in my bag (always had a large slouchy one), and go off to the ladies frequently to top up or drink, pretending I wasn't drinking at dinner. I once caught a glimpse of myself necking back a bottle. I looked at myself and thought 'wtf am I doing'. All of my family are in the Resteraunt, my girls, my beautiful little girls, and I'm in here, the toilet, drinking booze. So ashamed, don't ever want to go back there, to that behavior. Good luck everyone above. Day four for me and its feeling great. X
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: London
Posts: 204
Originally Posted by farmerlady
Hey Everyone,
Well for once in my life I am going admit I am an alcoholic. That was not easy, but I finally am ready to admit it.
I will tell you all a bit about myself. First off, I was always just a once and a while drinker only drank when going to the bar or out with friends. I always had a problem with having a few too many and forgetting basically what I did the night before.
My husband always says it is not a sprint it is a marathon. Back than, maybe we went and got drunk like every few months. And I never thought about it at home.
Well about 2 years ago in the winter I started buying beer, staying up all night playing games etc. I have no idea what triggered it. My husband worked nights 11pm to 7am so basically I could do whatever I wanted, and as long I did my online job and farm work. I thought I had it pretty made.
I only drank the 5 nights he worked and was the perfect person on weekends. But I was dumb and was always hiding it, so I would be careless and leave empties everywhere! I mean hidden in every nook and cranny in the house. You think I would be smart and throw them in the garbage...No pretty much not!
Well, it did not take long for my husband to pick up the scent. First thing was him telling me please do not drink in house. I hid drinking in the house of course because I did not want to try and quit. Heck, Drinking is fun to me. It calms me makes me feel happy etc. Well I never quit. All our fights are because of my drinking issues.
About every month or so I get drunk and become beligerent to him and whoever we are around. I would much rather drink alone than even see my friends. I have now distanced myself from family and friends. All I think about that first beer I am going to sneak while I cook supper or go check the cows.
or how am I going to get beer tonight without him knowing about it? That is my big question that rolls through my head first think in the morning. Or will 6 tall 16 ouncers be enough for me tonight or how many can I have before he notices.
I forgot to mention a bit earlier that my husband quit his job a year ago so we can be self employed together. So it is much harder to hide now. But, if I don't quit I will lose my marriage. He is a good man and I do not want to lose him at all.
Before drinking I used to read at least 5 books a week, spend time with good friends, go to the movies, go to church often etc. We did things that were fun. I quit smoking 04/23/14 and that kind of triggered even for me to drink more.
I still do my job and drink only in the afternoon/night. Never drink and drive. But drinking 12 beers a night is bad and I need help. I can not blame being German anymore. No one in my family knows I have a problem at all. I am one day alcohol free.
I know I should go to AA but I live in a small town in know EVERYONE. I feel ashamed..Thanks for reading my big story..Have a great night
Well for once in my life I am going admit I am an alcoholic. That was not easy, but I finally am ready to admit it.
I will tell you all a bit about myself. First off, I was always just a once and a while drinker only drank when going to the bar or out with friends. I always had a problem with having a few too many and forgetting basically what I did the night before.
My husband always says it is not a sprint it is a marathon. Back than, maybe we went and got drunk like every few months. And I never thought about it at home.
Well about 2 years ago in the winter I started buying beer, staying up all night playing games etc. I have no idea what triggered it. My husband worked nights 11pm to 7am so basically I could do whatever I wanted, and as long I did my online job and farm work. I thought I had it pretty made.
I only drank the 5 nights he worked and was the perfect person on weekends. But I was dumb and was always hiding it, so I would be careless and leave empties everywhere! I mean hidden in every nook and cranny in the house. You think I would be smart and throw them in the garbage...No pretty much not!
Well, it did not take long for my husband to pick up the scent. First thing was him telling me please do not drink in house. I hid drinking in the house of course because I did not want to try and quit. Heck, Drinking is fun to me. It calms me makes me feel happy etc. Well I never quit. All our fights are because of my drinking issues.
About every month or so I get drunk and become beligerent to him and whoever we are around. I would much rather drink alone than even see my friends. I have now distanced myself from family and friends. All I think about that first beer I am going to sneak while I cook supper or go check the cows.
or how am I going to get beer tonight without him knowing about it? That is my big question that rolls through my head first think in the morning. Or will 6 tall 16 ouncers be enough for me tonight or how many can I have before he notices.
I forgot to mention a bit earlier that my husband quit his job a year ago so we can be self employed together. So it is much harder to hide now. But, if I don't quit I will lose my marriage. He is a good man and I do not want to lose him at all.
Before drinking I used to read at least 5 books a week, spend time with good friends, go to the movies, go to church often etc. We did things that were fun. I quit smoking 04/23/14 and that kind of triggered even for me to drink more.
I still do my job and drink only in the afternoon/night. Never drink and drive. But drinking 12 beers a night is bad and I need help. I can not blame being German anymore. No one in my family knows I have a problem at all. I am one day alcohol free.
I know I should go to AA but I live in a small town in know EVERYONE. I feel ashamed..Thanks for reading my big story..Have a great night
our drinking habits are different, but the long term prognosis is the same for us. pain & heart ache, ill health, relationship problems & ultimately an early grave. its as serious as that.
i read your story & couldnt help but think of my mum. my dad worked nights & she also drank while he was out and she would recover while he slept in the day. she'd hide drink, she'd lie, etc, it got worse & worse
fast forward 20 years & we buried her with an alcohol related problem.
i wish you all the luck & strength & hope we can all support each other through these next few weeks & beyond.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Middle of Nowhere, Canada
Posts: 144
Welcome, farmerlandy. You will find so much help and support here.
And ScottinWI hit it right on.. The folks that you will meet in AA are just like you. You may even be surprised at first that the members will be a representation of all the people in your community - from stay-at-home-moms to business men. Alcohol doesn't care about who you are.
If you're not ready to attend AA yet, maybe seek some assistance from your pastor or religious leader. Again - no reason to be ashamed. They are there to help guide you in your time of need.
And ScottinWI hit it right on.. The folks that you will meet in AA are just like you. You may even be surprised at first that the members will be a representation of all the people in your community - from stay-at-home-moms to business men. Alcohol doesn't care about who you are.
If you're not ready to attend AA yet, maybe seek some assistance from your pastor or religious leader. Again - no reason to be ashamed. They are there to help guide you in your time of need.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Ga
Posts: 1,511
Originally Posted by Tiffyw12
Alynn, dito! I'd take a bottle of wine out with me, hide in my bag (always had a large slouchy one), and go off to the ladies frequently to top up or drink, pretending I wasn't drinking at dinner. I once caught a glimpse of myself necking back a bottle. I looked at myself and thought 'wtf am I doing'. All of my family are in the Resteraunt, my girls, my beautiful little girls, and I'm in here, the toilet, drinking booze. So ashamed, don't ever want to go back there, to that behavior. Good luck everyone above. Day four for me and its feeling great. X
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 334
Originally Posted by farmerlady
I know I should go to AA
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html
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