pinklinzangel

mystified, I am the same, bottle of wine a night most days, sometimes (usually)2 on a weekend night, it is, NO, WAS my way of life until Thursday. after 5 years drinking nearly daily, for all sorts of 'normal' reasons (I thought!), you know, cor, hard day at work, have a glass of wine. ahh, great day at work, crack open the wine. oooh im tired, gonna chill with some wine. have a glass of wine and cook dinner. I feel down, have a glass of wine. bad news, wine, good new wine, no news wine. didn't notice my enjoyment had become habit then had taken control until I lost control thurs and made myself very poorly. scared the crap out of me and I told my other half I was an alcoholic and I needed help. his response? I know, love. I didn't even know. I certainly didn't know that he knew. I very certainly didn't know he knew where I hid the extra bottles in case I ran out. ah well. today is day 3 for me, and I am struggling tonight. im drinking an orange juice and lemonade and its not the same. but im sober, and 3 days is the longest ive managed in 5 years. good luck to you my friend, you can do this. hour by hour, day by day, you go girl, we're rooting for you xxx

whalebelow

I was the last person to know I was alcoholic, those close to me had known for years and those who weren't so close had their suspicions.

The only people who thought I wasn't were the hard drinkers I had in my life.

But all the "normals"had me sussed.

spia

Hi, my heart breaks for you. I have watched my husband go through this cycle over and over again. He has been sober for a few months. I am having to learn to deal with my own issues. But, I hope that you do not give up on your sobriety. I hope that you keep trying until you finally beat this. I lost my mom to alcohol. As in SHE DIED because of her drinking. I hope you find support and strength here in your darkest hours. You can do this! You should do this! Hugs!

least

I'm glad you found us and joined the family. You'll find lots of support here.

mystified

[QUOTE=Tiffyw12;4870010
.... rather than sinking back two bottles of wine and convincing myself I was functional i.e getting my family their meal, playing with my kids, nigh time routine etc. I actually ate at the same time as my family, sat and had coherent conversations with my kids/partner, took them for a nice evening walk to the park (safely), took them to bed without booze breath reading their story and then watched a film with my partner without falling into a drunken sleep. It may all sound trivial, but to me right now it feels great. I know that evening is going to come around again all too soon, where the AV starts telling me a bottle of wine would be nice. We just have to find the strength to know it will not end up pretty![/QUOTE]

I so relate to this.

Thanks so much for your input. I thought I was alone.

It's good to know I'm not

Myst

mystified

I don't.

That's why I'm here.

I know I can't get to the bottom of why I drink while I'm drinking.

I need my hand held so I can work on the why


Myst.

mystified

I hadn't thought of it this way before! That'ss really helpful

Thank you

Myst

mystified

This could also be me.

I hope you are Ok.

Myst

soberjuly

10am used to come around and I needed a drink. I also used to buy 7 bottles for the week (one more than you) and it was hard to wait until a decent time, preferably in the evening, to start. Then it never felt like enough and I would be grinding my teeth trying to get through the day. The only thing that has felt different in my story is that I had 2 drinking periods and they both started with postpartum depression. One period was 2.5 years, the next and last, was 4.5 years. I never drank in HS or college and barely touched alcohol in my 20s. I grew up in a no-alcohol household and my social worker mother used to mention from time to time how horrible alcohol is, how there were too many alcoholics in our family, how I should never drink because she's seen too many people ruin their lives with it.

Now sure what affect that had except I got the message and I never saw her ever drinking alcohol and it was just something that my mother never wanted in the house.

So, that may be different from your history, I don't know, but I have had bad drinking periods and I am so amazingly thankful that something really bad never happened. I got lucky there but I am absolutely aware that I just got lucky. Ok, midnight here...gotta sleep!

Good luck. Oh and not sure if I could do it without my husband being on board and in agreement to remove all alcohol from the house. That has really helped things.

One more thing. After my first drinking period, of 2.5 years, I quit very easy. I had just moved and I just decided, I don't want to drink anymore and I didn't. There was almost a 6 year gap where I didn't drink. Then I had another baby and PPD again and started up again. The 2nd time quitting was hard, very hard. I had to go through a very intense mental shift. A realization that alcohol was going to destroy my life if I didn't quit. I could see that was around the corner.

mystified

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and for your warm welcome.

It's coming up for 9am and this, for me, is day 1.

I know I've got a few clear hours until the desire kicks in so I'll be checking in with you guys later to keep me sober.

Have a great day everyone.

Myst

Tiffyw12

I'll be around at 4pm. This is my worst time. I'm in the honeymoon period on day 3, determined to not drink again. But, its scary how quickly that b@stard AV comes backs with all their promises and excuses. Try and not focus on the early evening, change your routine, if you can, for a few days. Be somewhere you would not drink or be able to drink. Early evening swim perhaps, or meet a friend with kids for early dinner. Good luck, we are all in the same lifeboat ��

martina12

Hi Mystified...I came on this site when my AH left me to sit and drink vodka with his alcoholic girlfriend. I couldn't stand vodka and thought wine was fine to drink. However like you my wine drinking has now escalated to every night at least one bottle of wine. I usually open the first one around 5pm when cooking the tea. I am horrified with myself because it now seems to be 1 1/2 bottles and even 2 sometimes.

I have reached the point where I am sick of it. I have decided that this is my day one as well so maybe we can do this together! I have just posted on the 24hour recovery connections to help with my motivation later on today.
Feel free to pm me if you want to later on today..we can do this!

Sarah1975

You sound a lot like me last month when I realised I needed to suit drinking. I simply couldn't envision a life devoid of alcohol. I am not a success story, I am a 'still working at it' story. And mine, like you've already said is one where it can be done, but it's easy to slip up again.

I'm tackling this by trying to build up a life that doesn't involve alcohol. It's hard, all of my actions were overshadowed by a bottle, if not literally, it was in my mind waiting in the wings. Get support. And get educated about alcohol & what it does etc.

I've a list in my head - all the reasons not to drink, hangovers, blackouts, injuries, guilt, depression. I've another list - avoidance tactics, goto bed, refuse social invites, avoid the shops, get support, a mentor. However, i do have a life to live, I want one that worth living, one that isn't consumed by alcohol or the paranoid avoidance of alcohol. I have to create a new list! We can do this!!

mystified

Thank you. I'll do that. It's good to know we can get support when we need it. I'll catch you later.

Isn't it scary how easily that one bottle becomes 1 1/2 (or two)?......

Myst.