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Life is getting best of me

Old 08-29-2014, 06:33 AM
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Life is getting best of me

My husband and I have had many many size able challenges the last few years. Too long and extensive to summarize. Our last year has been extremely difficult but we are making many changes and each of us is in individual therapy to overcome and work on our specific issues, alcohol being one of my "biggies". We are coming out a lot different then we were a year ago. After his session he approached me and suggested we go to counseling to reconnect to each other since so
Much has happened and we are living very differently. He said our marriage always came behind children and work and it's time for us to work on being a couple and finding what we had again. Even though my head knows this is true and I am more than willing to reconnect to this man who I adore beyond words, my soul is tired and beaten and slow to get up. He knows this too. I feel down for the count today. Why do some of us have so much pain and adversity to walk through and others only worry about matching their Lululemon outfits and booking court times? I don't get it. There are so many mountains in front of me, I don't know which one to climb first. In my heart I am also deathly afraid of what if we don't reconnect? What if I am now not enough or boring? Being sober still scares me and I don't know how to do it yet! Plus we are raising three busy boys, we have a gay son who just came out at 14 who we support and want to protect, are fighting against his depression due to PTSD, prescription abuse, alcoholism, oh and life, sports homework.......I am preparing to pull myself up mentally today, to get ready to jump back into the journey.....thanks
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Old 08-29-2014, 06:46 AM
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I try to compartmentalize. I try to make lists, too. Sort out the big things from the little things. Create some kind of schedule or method, if you are able. We know we struggle with drinking, but we cannot include that in our "moving forward" agenda. It's hard not to include it, but we know we're better off without it. Think of your children and what you can do TODAY to be there for them the best you can. I know for myself, it's not easy setting my future-oriented mind aside to focus on the here and now, but we need to try. Our children deserve that much, as well. The mountain appears to be too large. We all feel that way, at some point. But it's the next step up that's important today, not agonizing how we're ever going to make it to the top.

Much love to you and your family. You can do it. Don't let the pressure of accomplishing over burden you. It's too easy, I know. Say to yourself, "I am in this moment, and in this moment, I choose _______", and let it be so. It's a moment-by-moment journey, this one.

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Old 08-29-2014, 06:54 AM
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EJ, sometimes it's a tough road. But it is always better with a sober mind. Be open minded throughout the process of "reconnecting" with your hubby. Try not to be judgmental. Our thought processes change as we grow in sobriety. Being able to accept things as they are is one of the challenges. No matter how much we want to or wish we can, we cannot change another person. We either accept and adapt or we struggle.
He suggested counseling which means he wants your life to improve. Be willing to compromise and be understanding. The coals are still warm. Sometimes just some kindling on the coals to get the flame started is all it takes. Don't throw on the heavy wood and start fanning furiously hoping for it to blaze up. Take it slow and deliberate.

You have a lot on your plate. You are doing great. Try not to let everything overwhelm you. Remember to focus on yourself first. Keep that sober foundation and it will make you stronger to deal with all else life throws at you. We're all behind you.
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Old 08-29-2014, 06:56 AM
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Great advice. Thanks. My kids are
My world and today we have NO schedule, so we are going to relax together. One step, one day. What can I do today....
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Old 08-29-2014, 06:57 AM
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What Restorative said. Wise advice. You don't have to climb the entire mountain today.
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Old 08-29-2014, 06:59 AM
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Thanks Brain.....I am one who would throw a whole tree! I know I have great coals too, so that helps. It's so great to have this place.
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Old 08-29-2014, 12:20 PM
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I can sure relate! I like what Restorative said, it is important to remain in the moment and take slow steps up the mountain if that's all we can do, and also to be gentle with ourselves. Take Care!
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