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A new bottom.

Old 08-28-2014, 09:06 AM
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Unhappy A new bottom.

I hit a new bottom the day before yesterday.

I stuck a needle in my arm for the first time. Something I'd never done before. And the problem is, I loved it. Way, way, way too much. Way too much.

I didn't show up to work all week until today. I'm lucky to still have a job.

Feeling extremely ashamed, disgusted, and horrified with myself.

Happy to be on day 2 sober.

I confessed to my fiance that I have a real problem and need help. Said I'm going to try AA one more time before going to treatment. I can't keep doing this back and forth.

I stared at the HR number at my workplace for half an hour but couldn't get the guts to call them.

I hate this disease and who it makes me.
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Old 08-28-2014, 09:09 AM
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sorry to hear it Mrrryah, I actually shuddered thinking of a needle in the arm. I saw someone do it once and had to turn my head.
Please, make that call!
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Old 08-28-2014, 09:12 AM
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Oh, Mrrryah; your post brought tears to my eyes.

I am glad you are on Day 2 and posting. It sounds like it is time to do WHATEVER it takes to stay clean.

Call HR; call inpatient.
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Old 08-28-2014, 09:13 AM
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Wow I'm with the brain. Make the call!!!
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Old 08-28-2014, 09:15 AM
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I'm sorry you are in this situation. Make the call..bring in all the help you can.
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Old 08-28-2014, 09:19 AM
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Yep, during my heaviest partying, drinking, and snorting days I shot up meth, and the feeling way off the charts. Of course the feeling fades, and you want more and more. Woke up one afternoon after a few day binge and the needle marks on my arm were obvious. I freaked out. Had to wear long sleeves for a couple of weeks in the heat of a Texas summer til they healed and went away..... wasn't easy to explain. Yep if that aint bottom, it's pretty damn close, injecting poison into your body...My God, keep that damn needle AND THE PEOPLE THAT USE IT out of your life. Dis associate yourself from that crown, nothing but bad news there. That is Important. I know, easier said than done, I know. Be strong, lots of support here.

Last edited by NorMar; 08-28-2014 at 09:26 AM. Reason: spelling
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Old 08-28-2014, 09:23 AM
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I have to add one more vote for calling HR and calling ASAP.
you're fighting for your life right now.
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Old 08-28-2014, 09:50 AM
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I'm terrified to call them though. What if they tell me I have to go to treatment right away or something? I don't think I'm prepared for that. I'm scared. I have no idea what will happen if I call them.
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Old 08-28-2014, 09:52 AM
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I am very frightened for YOU, sweet Mrrryah. YOU are important, Mrrryah; please take action.
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Old 08-28-2014, 09:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Mrrryah1 View Post
I'm terrified to call them though. What if they tell me I have to go to treatment right away or something? I don't think I'm prepared for that. I'm scared. I have no idea what will happen if I call them.
but what will happen if you DON'T? that's what I am worried about
you have reached a "new bottom" you called it. What happens if a 2nd time if just around the corner b/c you didn't call for help?
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Old 08-28-2014, 09:57 AM
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Please call. Don't wait till it is to late.
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Old 08-28-2014, 10:10 AM
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Not sure how your system works in your area but in the states for most of us the reality is that if you don't want to go to residential treatment....you don't have too. Rather than going through HR, could you call up someone who provides this service in your community. Could you find yourself a counselor, or another type of outpatient treatment? Perhaps starting off with a call to your medical doctor would be a good starting place.
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Old 08-28-2014, 10:20 AM
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I'm going to see my family doctor tomorrow. Maybe he can help me in some way. I've been burned by informing my employer of my "problems" in the past, so I'm really hesitant to go that route again. I should be able to do this through just AA.... I mean that's how the founders & original people first did it right? I want it pretty bad right now. Or am I really just fooling myself? Thanks for your love and support guys.
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Old 08-28-2014, 10:58 AM
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Originally Posted by Mrrryah1 View Post
I'm going to see my family doctor tomorrow. Maybe he can help me in some way. I've been burned by informing my employer of my "problems" in the past, so I'm really hesitant to go that route again. I should be able to do this through just AA.... I mean that's how the founders & original people first did it right? I want it pretty bad right now. Or am I really just fooling myself? Thanks for your love and support guys.
You are most likely still fooling yourself if you don't accept that you will need to do whatever it takes to beat this. You can't be hesitant, you must make sobriety your absolute #1 priority over anything else.

You have clearly crossed the threshold where your common sense or sense of self preservation can stand up to your addiction. Rehab or inpatient treament may very well be needed - and you will need to accept that and follow through with it.
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Old 08-28-2014, 11:07 AM
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dang.... I'd be scared to death right now if I were you.

Get yourself to treatment BEFORE you need it too desperately to do it.

This would be a fantastic time to go all-out against addiction before you're all-in with it.
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Old 08-28-2014, 11:20 AM
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It doesn't even feel like it really happened to be honest.

Why am I more afraid of getting help than I am of using again?

My brain isn't working right. I know, logically, that it doesn't make sense. To use is to die. To get help is to live.

But when I think about confessing everything and getting honest, I get soooo scared. When I think of using again I also get scared, but not nearly as scared as the thought of getting help.

Maybe its just taking comfort in the familiar.
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Old 08-28-2014, 11:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Mrrryah1 View Post
It doesn't even feel like it really happened to be honest.

Why am I more afraid of getting help than I am of using again?

My brain isn't working right. I know, logically, that it doesn't make sense. To use is to die. To get help is to live.

But when I think about confessing everything and getting honest, I get soooo scared. When I think of using again I also get scared, but not nearly as scared as the thought of getting help.

Maybe its just taking comfort in the familiar.
We can't make you get help Mrrryah. But in my opinion, that is your only option. I hope you seek it.
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Old 08-28-2014, 11:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Mrrryah1 View Post
It doesn't even feel like it really happened to be honest.
but it did happen. which means, it can happen again. And from the sounds of it, probably quite easily.
You really, really need to be honest with yourself right now.. BRUTALLY honest. Before it's too late.
I hope you decide to get help and get it soon.
xo
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Old 08-28-2014, 12:14 PM
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I definitely do want help. That’s why I’m here and that’s why I’m posting. I called my sponsor and told her what happened…. Staying close to SR… and I’m going to a meeting tonight. Most importantly though I haven’t drank or used in the last 36 hours. It might not be calling HR or going to treatment, but at least it’s better than nothing.
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Old 08-28-2014, 12:20 PM
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Just hang in there if the mtns help just start going more and you always have us just know its from care and experience that ppl ask for you to seek help

Just hang in there
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