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A new bottom.

Old 08-28-2014, 12:20 PM
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Old 08-28-2014, 12:21 PM
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Just keep doing the next right thing. As far as confession - you can go to a therapist or a priest if you aren't comfortable sharing with your sponsor. You can do it on your schedule, too. You may have been told that sooner rather than later is necessary in your case, but the whole 'confession' thing is not a dealbreaker/block to sobriety unless you believe it is. Immediate total Confession is not required to stay sober.

Is that what set you off this time? There are a lot of threads about Step 4 and Step 5 in the 12-Step forums here. Maybe reading them would ease your mind a bit?
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Old 08-28-2014, 12:31 PM
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I'm so sorry you're going through this.

We can all appreciate how scary going to inpatient treatment is, especially those who have gone ourselves. I was terrified, tried to back down even after I had already started the process. Fact of the matter is, living in the throes of this disease, not knowing if you're going to even survive another night is far scarier than inpatient treatment is. It's no walk in the park, that's a given, but laying awake in a stiff bed beats the crap out of laying around waiting to die in your own bed. That's what it ultimately came down to for me.

If you don't decide to call, I'm glad you're at least being forthcoming with people in your life that can offer help and support and it says a lot too that you've stayed sober for two days. Whatever your path, I wish you the best of luck on this road. We're all here for you, every step if the way.
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Old 08-28-2014, 01:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Mrrryah1 View Post
It might not be calling HR or going to treatment, but at least it’s better than nothing.
There is a big difference "at least it's better than nothing" and "doing everything you can". No offense intended, but if you TRULY want to get sober you'll do whatever it takes Myyyah. I hope your meeting goes well tonight.
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Old 08-28-2014, 01:30 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
There is a big difference "at least it's better than nothing" and "doing everything you can". No offense intended, but if you TRULY want to get sober you'll do whatever it takes Myyyah. I hope your meeting goes well tonight.
I agree hope the mtn goes well
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Old 08-28-2014, 01:57 PM
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Should I just do nothing then? If I'm not willing to drop everything right now?
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Old 08-28-2014, 02:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Mrrryah1 View Post
Should I just do nothing then? If I'm not willing to drop everything right now?
I'm definitely not suggesting that you do nothing, no one is. Calliing your sponsor and going to a meeting tonight is a great idea, and coming here to SR is as well.

What I am suggesting is that it is a very real possibility that you WILL have to drop everything and focus 100% of your time to recovery in rehab at some point. For some of us that's is the only option - 24/7 rehab for a while until we can get back on our feet. The alternative is even lower bottoms than you have just experienced, much lower.
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Old 08-28-2014, 02:54 PM
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I know that things is so much easier said then done. I think reaching out in any form is a start. Only you can really be the judge on what's best for you. Just know we care.
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Old 08-28-2014, 04:54 PM
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Myrryah I was so like you, very reluctant to take that step into the unknown. I had tried many times to get sober with the help of AA and visiting this site. But none of it worked long term. In the end I was so frightened at how things would end up that I did take the plunge and went to rehab. It has without doubt saved my life.

We're all here for you not matter what you decide.
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Old 08-28-2014, 05:20 PM
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Get hold of a Big Book or download one from the net (loads of free PDF's , just google)

Start with the Dr's Opinion and just keep reading. Read the prayers aloud when you get to those pages.

Hopefully you have the "Gift of Desperation" necessary to "go to any lengths"

All the best
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Old 08-28-2014, 05:26 PM
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Your AV (Addictive Voice) is why you are so scared to commit to sobriety RIGHT NOW. Consider reading Rational Recovery by Jack Trimpey. It may give you the insight you need to make the decision to stop, no matter how you choose to do it. All the best to you.
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Old 08-28-2014, 05:35 PM
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So what happened at the meeting? What did they say if anything, did you talk to anyone there?
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Old 08-28-2014, 07:48 PM
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Hi Mrrryah

I think people are scared for you, probably just as much as you're scared for yourself. Calling your sponsor and going to AA are good things...but only you can say if theyre enough to keep you sober and in recovery or not.

If they haven't been enough in the past? then, yeah, you might have to start to try and wrap your head around calling HR and asking for professional help.

I have no experience with that - but I know others here will have...and probably a few folks at the AA meeting too.

Ask around - be informed

D
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Old 08-28-2014, 08:06 PM
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Checking in. The meeting went pretty good. It was a speaker meeting. I didn't really talk to anyone. Going to bed sober now. Hoping to feel better tomorrow. Xoxo SR friends
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Old 08-28-2014, 08:20 PM
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I did what you did about 20 years ago. I got so scared about my actions I went to NA. The problem I faced is I didn't keep going and reverted to alcohol. My advice is keep going to meetings.
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Old 08-29-2014, 01:34 AM
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the tipping point that finally got me to stop was cocaine. i went out (with someone from the rooms who was also struggling) and have a vague recollection of snorting a line from the lid of a toilet cistern.

it horrified me when i sobered up. drugs have never been part of my story. i realised that my self-destruct desire had stepped up a level and i know that if i go down that road i too will end up with a needle in my arm. it's just who i am.

i'm 130 days sober today. if i can do it, you can do it. dig in and start living.

be well.
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Old 08-29-2014, 01:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Mrrryah1 View Post
Checking in. The meeting went pretty good. It was a speaker meeting. I didn't really talk to anyone. Going to bed sober now. Hoping to feel better tomorrow. Xoxo SR friends
Well done and good luck
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Old 08-29-2014, 04:08 AM
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I hope you wake up feeling a bit better today
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Old 08-29-2014, 04:27 AM
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Hope you feel better this morning M. As others have said, only you will know if your efforts are forceful enough to beat your addiction.

Years ago, I quit coke and meth without professional help. It's a tough road, achievable but tough. Same as qiutting alcohol. Tough but achievable.

At the first sign you are slipping, I would call for help, IMHO.

Best wishes.
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