One thing I have noticed...
I remember getting a phone call at 3am - it was our local hospital informing me my wife was admitted and she was having serious problems with her heart. She had been working the night shift and her heart started beating dangerously fast and a coworker took her to the hospital. I was drinking with my neighbor across the street up until 2am that same morning and I was totally drunk. I had to wait several hours before I could get a ride to the hospital from one of our close friends because I was way too drunk to drive. Not only was I embarrassed, I felt helpless and terrible that I wasn't there for my wife when she needed me the most. Everything ended up OK for her after spending a week in ICU and she had to have an operation. The bottom line is I never want to be in that position again. I want to be there for my wife and kids and family and friends at a moments notice if they need me and alcohol will never stand in my way ever again.
It's nice not being in jail. Not waking up with poop or pee all over myself. It is nice not being in jail. I am grateful to have my jeep back and my drivers LIC back. My parents are talking to me again. I am in the process of getting some of the things in my life back. I hope I can start playing video games soon because I truly enjoy the graffix and the soundtracks to video games. I am sad that I threw it all away on booze, but I know day in and day out if I just work and make meetings God will come into my life and make my life a bit better and bit better each day.
I am away on vacation and preparing to have guest for a dinner party tonight. Normally I would have started drinking early afternoon, and kept going straight through the night. I would hedge my bets, even write lists (put cheese out at 6:15, heat oven 6:30, etc) because I knew by the time dinner rolled around I would be feeling no pain and might be scattered.
Tonight I am showered, table is set, everything is ready, and strangely I feel more at peace than I ever did when I was drinking. The sparkling glass of white wine is an illusion. If it revealed itself authentically the carnage it induced would make anyone cringe.
I don't drink. I am a nondrinker. God, that is so freeing!!!! No more plotting and planning and scheming and trying to piece my life together enough so I could get my next fix.
Sobriety is freedom!
(oh, and YES to the ability to drive at anytime. I could have run Grand Central with all the planning and coordination it took to be able to drink and not have to drive. )
Tonight I am showered, table is set, everything is ready, and strangely I feel more at peace than I ever did when I was drinking. The sparkling glass of white wine is an illusion. If it revealed itself authentically the carnage it induced would make anyone cringe.
I don't drink. I am a nondrinker. God, that is so freeing!!!! No more plotting and planning and scheming and trying to piece my life together enough so I could get my next fix.
Sobriety is freedom!
(oh, and YES to the ability to drive at anytime. I could have run Grand Central with all the planning and coordination it took to be able to drink and not have to drive. )
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