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9 Months

Old 08-28-2014, 07:59 AM
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9 Months

This has been the first time in my life where I have started to take myself seriously and that I deserve more from life. I guess growing up with alcoholics when I was young I always felt like I have been in survival mode which, in turn moved into my adult life. However I really feel like the turning point from survival mode happened last month. I wouldn't say that my brain/body has completely healed itself from years and years of abuse but PAWS has let up considerably.
Where I live the summer has been fairly cold this year and everyone has been complaining around me. I have to say this has been the best summer yet. What a difference from being sick everyday. I haven't had one illness since quitting smoking or drinking! That's crazy to me. Also, I have reached my goal weight without much effort the last few months.
I am a painter and just completed a collection of paintings that I know I never would have had I been drinking. What I am trying to say is that as an active alcoholic I just lived in complete shame everyday. I didn't think that I deserved much. I barely made it through the day.
Being sober to me feels like I am moving forward where as when I was drinking I was just standing still or worse... drowning.
Everyday I am grateful to be sober.
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Old 08-28-2014, 08:03 AM
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Nine months is awesome Cusper!
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Old 08-28-2014, 08:08 AM
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Congratulations, cusper; nine months is absolutely fantastic. A while ago, you told me you were an artist and I promised to send you something I wrote using an artist as an analogy so to speak. I wrote it for someone who had suffered a loss and was struggling to recover. I think it can also speak to those struggling to recover from alcoholism.

****************

“Seeking Inspiration” is a passage of loss, anguish and acceptance. While it is a story of grief and brokenness, it is also a story of healing and of the courage necessary to go on with life and recovery. It is reflective of a griever who has reached acceptance and is now seeking new paths, new beginnings, new ways in which to channel the energies previously devoted to the lost loved one. It is reflective of a poignant and triumphant moment, one indicative of courage, healing, victory and, at last, renewed hunger and desire.

Seeking Inspiration

Canvases on their easels
Too numerous to count
The artist’s life replete with feeling
Full of blessings her accounts.

Each day inspires the artist
Scenes of dreams yet to fulfill
Paint swirls upon the canvas
With brushstrokes never still.

Her work it hangs in glory
Lines the wall, touches the ceiling
Vibrant color tells her story
Layered texture ripe with meaning

Yet joy soon turns to misery
Without warning, in an instant
Dark, bleak and cold become her scenery
Despair and desolation ever constant.

Form and texture once in chorus
Soon of this become devoid
For death wipes clean its surface
All images destroyed.

Grief rocks the artist’s essence
Rakes at heart and mind and soul
Malicious in its vengeance
With destruction as its goal.

Spirit displaced by numbness
Hunger with disregard
No line or stroke upon the canvas
The artist broken, forlorn and scarred

Yet from among the wells of comfort
Soothing voices, softest hands
Fragments of the artist yet unhurt
Are nurtured and withstand.

She summons all her courage
Without weakness, turns the other cheek
She’s arisen from the wreckage
It is inspiration that she seeks.

Amidst a studio ripe with history
And portfolios locked in time
The artist sits as if in sacristy
Holy vessels by her side.

Chalices of pigment ~ tint, tone and hue and color
Pastels, jewels, and casts and dyes.
A cache of fresh new armor
Quills and brushes, fresh supplies.

New life to paint upon the canvas
New purposes, aims, mystiques
Just a word, a thought, a message
It is inspiration that she seeks.
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Old 08-28-2014, 08:19 AM
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Congratulations cusper! 9 months is fantastic. Knowing what you can accomplish without the drink is great. Thanks for sharing that and keep it going. You got a month on me
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Old 08-28-2014, 08:19 AM
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GREAT job Cusper!!!

9 months is an awesome accomplishment. Glad you are feeling the positive effects of your efforts. So worth it!
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Old 08-28-2014, 08:23 AM
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voices ca**y
 
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Yeah Cusper.
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Old 08-28-2014, 09:18 AM
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9 months was very important to me I reflected by thinking gosh women have to carry a baby for this amount of time it was a special time for me well done !!
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Old 08-28-2014, 09:26 AM
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Congratulations cusper, 9 months is brilliant
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Old 08-28-2014, 09:50 AM
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P.S. - Cusper, I hope you will post some of your new artwork; your avatar is simply wonderful.
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Old 08-28-2014, 09:58 AM
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Soberleigh!! that poem is fantastic! thank you so much for posting it. I'm printing it and putting it in my studio. I am not sure how to post my pics but I will try. Again thank you for that. xoxoxoxox
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Old 08-28-2014, 10:06 AM
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Congrats on your 9 months!
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Old 08-28-2014, 02:23 PM
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Originally Posted by cusper View Post
Soberleigh!! that poem is fantastic! thank you so much for posting it. I'm printing it and putting it in my studio. I am not sure how to post my pics but I will try. Again thank you for that. xoxoxoxox
Aww; thanks, cusper; that's so sweet. Glad you liked it. Hope you find a way to post your work.
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Old 08-28-2014, 03:45 PM
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ok I have a question, how do you post pics? I tried on here but I can't. I've seen other people post pics of their pets so i know it can be done. Maybe I will ask on a new thread
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Old 08-28-2014, 03:49 PM
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So proud of you cusper - 9 months sober is fabulous.
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Old 08-28-2014, 03:52 PM
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Thank you so much for your support and responses. This site is incredible. I feel so lucky to have found it. AA wasn't for me and I think I would be a bit lost without it.
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Old 08-28-2014, 04:02 PM
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Congratulations Cusper, 9 months is wonderful...
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Old 08-28-2014, 08:03 PM
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Many congratulations Cusper

D
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Old 08-28-2014, 08:29 PM
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Congrats cusper! You rock!
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Old 08-28-2014, 08:50 PM
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Congratulations on 9 months! I hope you can learn how to post pictures so we can see your art. Your avatar piece is beautiful.
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Old 08-29-2014, 03:09 AM
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Fantastic!!
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