Thatdeliveryguy

Many years ago on a distant plane I was a competitive swimmer I was good. They told me I could of done great things, but that isn't the story I want to tell.

The story I want to tell is that of Nicki, (Nick), nick was cocky nick thought he could kick everyone's ass, Nick was tough guy from New York, Nick could swim but was honestly at the middle of the competitive swim world. Nick hated my guts, Nick hated everyones ass, Nick was angry and upset with the world. Nick's dad drank and drank and drank, and he hated the world. He blamed the world for his dads drinking.... Nick could never find a place in the world.

Nick, kicked my butt one day when I pointed out his dad was a drunkard, at the time I thought I was victim and Nick was a bully. Nick went on filled with anger and hate and then one Nick got a little crazy, nick withdrew, Nick wasn't Nick anymore, I laughed at Nick, I ridiculed Nick, I was Nicks worst nightmare, Nick was troubled and had an abusive alcoholic dad.

One day Nick killed himself, Nicks dad killed himself drinking and life continued without them. No more Nick, Nick hated TDG ( Jeremy), Nick hated my insults, Nick couldn't catch a break! Well Nick, Jeremy is now alcholic and treated the world much like you were treated and I was an awful person and I am feeling so melancholy tonight, so sad, and so depressed.... Nick you kicked my Azz and I deserved it, Nick forgive me? Nick, I am telling the world your story, because you were a bully, but you were just as much a victim as perpetrator and I am sorry Nick.

I am in a mood, and I go back and forth as always, but I did want to share the story of Nick, as much as he hated me at times, seeing is grave saddened me, I am sorry he had an alcoholic father and was abused. We have to be vigilant of all the Nicks, and if I had to do it over I would of tried to befriend Nick, I might have given him some solace. But no matter, I am Nicks father now, down again, and just want to be sorry for all the awefulness, good day folks sorry for serial posting tonight

Lenina

(((Jeremy)))'. Youre getting some insights. This is good. It's the grand wheel of life. We resolve, we forgive others and we forgive ourselves. We make amends where and when we can. sometimes, a living amends is most appropriate. Swim, Jeremy. I think Nick would be glad some good came from his life, from his fathers life and into yours.

love from Lenina

SoberLeigh

Be gentle with yourself, TDG. We are, after all, human - full of imperfections.

Live

Please don't think you are in any way responsible for Nick's death.

I have known quite a few who have suicided, including a close family member.
I knew some were in trouble and tried to help.

They needed more help than I could give them. Even professionals lose some to suicide.

I know more about this than I ever wanted to but from that I can tell you with full assurance that you may have been unkind but you did not cause it and could not have prevented it.

Thatdeliveryguy

Depression and reality are hitting me like a 10 ton bag, I am truly reflecting on what has been. I am confronting my demons, I am not shying away from reality any longer. I am me, and regardless of faults or successes, I am coming cleaning I have too, this has become personal catharsis, no matter what, when, where, I will tell the truth, because I feel like I have too. Nick, oh nick, that guy was a jerk, but deserved a better shake at life and never got it!

jdooner

Jeremy, you can't change the past. Neither can I. But we can learn from it. I consider a wasted life as someone who does not learn from life. They do the same things over telling themselves the results will be different - insanity. I found AA's 12 steps to be profoundly healing for me well beyond the drink and drugs. This was largely due to realizing my role in my fears and resentments and being able to clear the log jam with past resentments and fears. Don't be too hasty, be gentle on yourself there is going to be plenty of time to make sure you learn from the past and move forward in a good way.

SoberLeigh

This is a safe place to unload/come clean - whatever you need to do. We are with you.

Soberwolf

TDG that's tragic but you can't beat yourself up

Hang in there buddy itl pass I promise