Epiphany in the night
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 228
Epiphany in the night
Having been on and off the wagon many times since I joined last year, I was feeling like it was hopeless. I hated myself for not having any willpower...which is great for fueling depression. Last night I woke up at around 2:00 am, and it hit me: "I have all the willpower I will ever need...it's my addiction that has none." I understood, in my head, the concept behind The Addictive Voice, but it never worked for me. I couldn't integrate The Beast, I think that's what they call it, concept into my recovery. I finally understood it last night...whatever you want to call it, looking at it as a disease, addiction, AV, Beast... Once I could separate myself from the addiction of drinking it all made sense. This is a major breakthrough for me. MAJOR!!! My addiction has no willpower, I have PLENTY!!! Anyway, I just had to post this (mostly to organize it in my head).
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
::::poom:::::: YAY! I wish I knew how to convey this to others who are struggling. the SV is so seductive. so very seductive and so very sly. But once we see the addiction for what it is, separate from our True Self, it gets so much easier!
congrats!!
Love from Lenina
congrats!!
Love from Lenina
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
awesome and Onward!
The snivelling pathetic addiction may get restless and throw up urges and cravings, it heard about the epiphany, mine got cc'ed on the memo anyway. "Nope "and "ain't gonna happen" no matter how manys you may have to say i,t will chase it away. No need to run from or try and not feel the urge, just bring it out in the full light of day and deny it outright, starve it out!
you got this, awesome
The snivelling pathetic addiction may get restless and throw up urges and cravings, it heard about the epiphany, mine got cc'ed on the memo anyway. "Nope "and "ain't gonna happen" no matter how manys you may have to say i,t will chase it away. No need to run from or try and not feel the urge, just bring it out in the full light of day and deny it outright, starve it out!
you got this, awesome
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
The AV is sneaky and persistent. But when it comes to the strength of our resolve, you are absolutely correct. The AV should be, at most, an irritant, and not a driving force in our decision-making process.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
I have to admit - the last 3 months of sobriety have been relatively easy for me (I'm not saying this in a bragging way whatsoever)...I have to believe that it's b/c THIS time - I got IT. That last DUI/Binge in May - something just snapped. It hit me in the face like a truck going full speed...I CANNOT DRINK EVER.
I've had some people (mostly others I met in detox) ask me "how have you NOT drank? you did jailtime and almost lost your job..etc, that woulda made me drink!!"...
I don't have an answer, not one that will please anyone. It is just not an option. I refuse to believe I lack the willpower over that first drink.
do I have fleeting thoughts of a glass of wine? hell yah - of course. But fleeting they are! They come - they go b/c I tell them to pi$$ right off. I hope this stays the course, I have no way of knowing if one day I will wake up and be fighting like hell...but right now, it really has been THAT simple for me.
I've had some people (mostly others I met in detox) ask me "how have you NOT drank? you did jailtime and almost lost your job..etc, that woulda made me drink!!"...
I don't have an answer, not one that will please anyone. It is just not an option. I refuse to believe I lack the willpower over that first drink.
do I have fleeting thoughts of a glass of wine? hell yah - of course. But fleeting they are! They come - they go b/c I tell them to pi$$ right off. I hope this stays the course, I have no way of knowing if one day I will wake up and be fighting like hell...but right now, it really has been THAT simple for me.
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