Mangoes

I hate the word slipped. I know I just went back to my addictive ways, and it was a conscious decision like anything else in my life.
Went on a few week binge as DH was away and I could. I'm pretty good about hiding my drinking from him, but it needs to stop. For good. NOW.

Just feeling edgy and frustrated lately, and know that the drinking is really self medicating that sadness and anxiety. We relocated two years ago to a city I hate, too far from friends and family for anything more than the very occasional visit from select people who happen to be coming through. I work from home so haven't been able to set up a new, local network of friends. When DH was gone, I literally saw almost no one for 2 weeks, despite getting out of the house every day after work. Hard to walk through a busy mall feeling like a ghost, as by nature I'm pretty social. Our lifestyle (both work more than "full time", have a home based business on the side as well, plus dogs) makes it really hard to get out to meet people. I'm unhappy working from home, but it affords me a decent income and being at home has it's little perks (being able to flip laundry over at lunch or working outside on occasion, for example)
Guess I'm just feeling out of sorts, and know the drinking is not helping. But mid day, I find myself opening a bottle just to take the edge off, and then not being able to stop. I've considered seeing about anti anxiety meds, but have no family doc here and clinics don't usually want to help with those problems.

So this is day 1. Again. I have to do it. My liver aches and I'm tired so often, and I know I'm becoming a risk to losing everything I have.

Slow and steady wins the race, right?

IOAA2

Hi. You’re correct but you need to be in the race, not in the wishing sidelines. It takes action and a lot of work to get and stay sober. For me the pain was finally enough to shake me up to want to do something after too many I’m gunna months. I fortunately through my alcohol induced haze saw what was happening and I don’t suffer well.
It’s the old fashioned solution that works: “If we don’t pick up the first drink, we don’t have to TRY to get sober AGAIN.”

Soberwolf

I nearly lost it all you just gotta stop and get a plan going to help u in this

I had to go there to get here and it nearly killed me

ultradad

It seriously takes planning. For me, I could never do it on my own...no matter how sincere I was. This is a disease and needs to be treated as such! I use the program of AA and haven't had to drink since! You can do this!

instant

Alcohol is the common "coping" mechanism - its hard to break freee

Whatever else life throws at us- in the end i came to accept that the issue is between me and alcohol- not my "significant other" who was at her wits end, and who i used to resent her efforts that i percieved as controllong. I used to let loose when the opportunity arose- its a big change to commit to staying safe with yourself.

FreeOwl

the other day at an AA meeting, a fellow celebrating his 5th year of sobriety said "I found out that underneath my drinking problem, I had a living problem".

Until we address our challenges with LIFE and LIVING - our efforts at sobriety will meet with limited results.

For each of us, figuring that out is a different formula, but having a structure to help guide us through that process is a pretty powerful thing.

Whether it's AA or some other program or plan, honoring our choice of sobriety needs to include dealing with re-wiring how we're approaching LIFE.

melki

Russel Brand also said "I didn't have a drinking problem, I had a living problem". Recovery really is the process of restructuring your life and learning to enjoy it. But the very first step is giving sobriety a chance. Mangoes, you may be surprised how simply stopping drinking improves your wellbeing and outlook on life. Find something to fill that void in the meantime. AA, exercise, hobby, volunteering? Hang in there!

PurpleKnight

Go at things again, are you getting enough support? something to break the pattern!!

You can do this!!

CristinaN

Hi Mangoes. Come join us in the August thread. There's lots of support there.

Notmyrealname

I fell off the wagon numerous times across about a yearlong period before things started to stick. Eventually I got better at getting better, just took practice.

I like that you understand it's not really a "slip" like an accident -- nobody trips down the stairs and ends up, mouth-wide, lying directly under a rapidly emptying bottle of gin, for example. It always starts with the decision to drink.

Learning how to not make that decision to drink, that took me a very long way, once I got that part worked out.

MelindaFlowers

Mangoes,

I can relate so much to your post. I kept drinking again after a few days here and there. Over and over and over. I had zero clarity in my mind when because I was feeling the effects of alcohol all the time. When I wasn't drinking I was hungover. When I took three days off the hangover would last three days. You need to get some space between you and booze to see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. The first few weeks are so tough but you only have to go through them once.

Remember how you used to feel before you ever drank? Just wake up in the morning, stretch, and just feel totally normal and fine? That's kind of how you start to feel after a month. Then you can see what you want out of life and how bad it was when you were drinking. I didn't realize how truly sick I was every day until I had about a month away from it.

Do any and every single thing you can to get a few weeks. Again, you only have to stop drinking once!

Kubis8

You've acknowledged the 'slip' and you've shared it here amongst freinds.
Back to day 1 isn't a bad thing.... It means your still prepared to fight.