SandyLovesFall

Some thoughts started running through my head today. As the Labor Day weekend approaches and we'll be going to the mountains, and I started thinking, "I'm not that bad; I can normally stop after a few beers; my personality pretty much stays the same/gets better with alcohol (more engaging, more relaxed); I'll be on vacation; I work hard, so I deserve to play hard; etc." I got excited because I was going to give myself permission to drink this weekend. Then I got sad, real sad.

I don't want to give myself permission to drink. If I do that, I'll be giving up on myself and my life dream right to be sober, healthy, and live the longest life possible. So I came here to look at the posts, look at my posts, and remember my goals and desires. We have activities planned that don't involve alcohol in any way shape or form like trap shooting and taking long walks by the lake, but there will be down time sitting and visiting on the front porch or shooting pool and I would normally have beer at those times. I just have to keep telling myself no beer for me. If I don't have one, I won't have too many. I have no desire to drink at the moment and if someone offered me a beer right now I could easily say no and not give it another thought. The idea of this weekend without beer feels really hard for me right now for some reason. Ugh

PurpleKnight

You can do this Sandy!!

Nuudawn

Ya..that little troll in your head gives A LOT of grief. It is the "addiction" within you fighting for life. It persuades, cajoles, encourages, demands, seduces...even tries to freaking rationalize (e.g...you become more engaging, relaxed). It wears many, many freaking hats! I heard Robin Williams' refer to it as his "lower power"..some call it AV...some call it Satan...but for me..it's a freaking "other entity" with it's own petulant personality that can sometimes persuade me it is INDEED me. It's not me.

I..me...wants sobriety. That's why I'm here. That's why you're here. You're the angel..and IT'S the devil on your shoulder...like in those old cartoons.

Will you have wifi where your going? Are you able to stay connected to SR? I know "staying connected" has saved me on trips away.

Soberwolf

Hang in there !!!

SandyLovesFall

Thanks PurpleKnight and Soberwolf, I'm trying. Thanks Nuudawn, yes, I will definitely have wifi and I will definitely come here. Just coming here after have these thoughts is a huge difference for me.

Hevyn

Hi Sandy. I'm glad you posted about this.

In the early days of quitting I was resentful that I couldn't do what I used to. (Not sure why, since every time I picked up it led to disaster in the end.) Each time we get though a time like this we grow stronger and more determined. You'll prove to yourself that there is life after alcohol - you don't need it to enjoy yourself. It takes a little getting used to our 'new normal', but you'll be so glad once you get over this hurdle. It'll get much easier as you go along.

SandyLovesFall

In the early days of quitting I was resentful that I couldn't do what I used to. (Not sure why, since every time I picked up it led to disaster in the end.)

This right here. Having beer is such an ingrained part of my weekend life that I guess I am feeling a little resentful that my habits and routine are changing...even if the change is for the better.

whalebelow

Nothing worth having comes easy.

It's easy to get alcohol, but not worth having, if your alcoholic or a problem drinker

Sobriety is worth having for an alcoholic, but it's not always easy.

LBrain

Way to go Sandy. Good move showing up and knowing that coming here is always better than - you know.