hokey

I have heard and read many things on this journey and what I realize is that everyone's recovery is a very personal thing .... what works for me, or for you, may not work for the next person reading or hearing it. I can share my experience, strength and hope with others in the hope that it helps me and them, but ultimately I choose my program and work it in the best way that I can, as does everyone else trying to cope with alcoholism. Others find absolutely no help in AA ... I swear by it (as I have proven to myself by not attending meetings and subsequently relapsing).

I know that for me, I had to seek out the information in my own way and in my own comfort zone. I get resentful of things being "pushed on me" ... I need to discover them for myself. Being a "good alcoholic", I tend to be obsessive about certain things. This has actually helped me along my journey because, like a dog with a bone, I will not give up. I just need to obsess about the right things ... my recovery and not the "sad state of my life" Being immersed in living a life of recovery is the way I have to be. To stray from that absolute means failure for me.

I love this forum because it allows me to express myself without fear of judgement. It allows me to just be ... in whatever state I happen to be in at the time. It gives me information and experiences of others struggling and succeeding in recovery. It is a safe place, a welcoming place, a place where I fit. I don't with agree with everything that I read or everything that hear, but I have the freedom to choose what I need or want and leave the rest.

Soberwolf

That's the spirit well done

PurpleKnight

Nice post Holly!!

Soberpotamus

Nicely said

Anna

YES! This is what we are aiming for.

DoubleFelix

Great post! I love the reframe that we have tremendous qualities that just need to be channeled in the right way!

hokey

Also being a "good alcoholic", I tend to get bored easily ... something that led to the failure of my program and a relapse recently. I started thinking "is this all there is to life? Going to meetings and hanging out in a recovery forum?" I wanted some of my old life back. Unfortunately, I was not ready for that. Maybe one day, there will be a better balance between my old life and my new recovery life ... maybe not. If not, I think I am better-prepared to accept that, having tried it out and failing miserably! And speaking of acceptance ... I strayed from that as well. Acceptance was something that made life much simpler for me. I have reinforced my belief that I must accept that I cannot control everything around me, all I can control are my own thoughts and actions. I needed a lesson in humility, because it's not all about me! My egocentric alcoholic brain has a hard time letting go of that idea, though it gets me in trouble every time.

I think I am slowly moving past the self-flagellation over the last relapse to learning from it. Thanks to you, my SR peeps! Just typing all this out is cathartic in it's own way.

MythOfSisyphus

Don't worry Hokey! You can do it. At least in my case there turned out to be good life "on the other side" of drinking. At first you do want that magic back, some of that old life. But after a while there is a change (or there was for me) and I realized my old life wasn't all that great, and I wasn't "giving up" drinking so much as curing a terrible disease.

hokey

I learned that lesson on the weekend MOS! What I went back to, albeit briefly, was a horrible and scary place ... a place I no longer want to be. I am very gratefully back to being boringly sober!

Nuudawn

I know for me...(and perhaps as a "good alcoholic or addict")..I can be very "all or nothing"..."black or white"...just plain old rigid in my beliefs.

The biggest thing I have learned for my recovery is "being open and flexible" (which believe me, is very strenuous work frequented by failure". I have a tendency to "throw out the baby with the bathwater" rather that maybe step back a little or take a break. Sometimes I need to step away from SR or not immerse myself in too many AA meetings ...I have to remain aware of "burnout" in the sense of well "eff it"...don't like this...I'm throwing it ALL out and going back to my old ways. (Ya...sooooo smart). Not smart..but habitual and a pattern of mine I must remain aware of.

Sometimes I have to be aware of "too much recovery" and just do something completely different..just for fun..to get my head out of recovery for a moment or two.

For me it's ALL about balance..which takes work..cuz well, I'm an addict.

Really glad you got your second wind my friend. I didn't realize bout the falter til now.