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Highly functioning

Old 08-26-2014, 08:19 AM
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Hi and welcome Vic. So many of us here know what you are going through. You are not alone in this.

Congratulations on kicking both cigarettes and weed - to me that signifies you definitely have the ability to quit drinking - but is quitting drinking something you want to do? I couldn't tell from your post. Often times we want things to be different, but don't want to do what is required to create change.

You asked for us to tell you what you're doing is not good. Well, it's certainly not healthy - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. We all have things we want and need out of life - are you decisions and actions in line with those wants and needs?

There is a lot of great advice for you here, my suggestion is to read it all with an open mind, multiple times if need be. Really think it over. Also, stick close to SR. We're here to help!
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Old 08-26-2014, 09:37 AM
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Originally Posted by DoubleFelix View Post
is quitting drinking something you want to do? I couldn't tell from your post. Often times we want things to be different, but don't want to do what is required to create change.
Thanks for asking that question! Only recently I realized that I want to quit. For a long time I tried to make my life better through other ways. For example, I began exercising to get to a healthier weight and I lost 25 lbs. Those things only helped with certain narrow aspects of my life. I have now understood that the bigger issue is my drinking. Starting today I will be trying to quit.

However, I am afraid of what the evening will bring. I almost wish there weren't so many hours in the day. The hours I spend at work are not a problem because my mind is occupied by other things and besides I cannot drink in the office. After I come home, I will go cycling for two hours. But then after 8 or 9 pm come, I am afraid that I will again decide to have "just one drink". That's when it all starts. Ugh.
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Old 08-26-2014, 10:04 AM
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Make plans make plans make plans!!!! Keep yourself busy, even at home. Plan to watch a movie with your GF or go to a nice
Late dinner. Cook something special at home. I find being prepared is
My best ally. Good luck and check back!
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Old 08-26-2014, 10:45 AM
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Don't try to not drink today. Just don't drink today. If that doesn't work, just don't drink at 8, and then... don't drink at 9. Then... don't drink at 10.

Then... go to bed. Voila! You made it a day!


I've only got 16 days, but I am going to make it to 17. And then 18. Maybe once I get to 3 months, I'll start thinking in terms of 'not this week'. But for now, just go today.
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Old 08-26-2014, 11:28 AM
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^^^ Good advice.

Food is your greatest weapon for the first few days. Eat an early dinner, and eat so much you're going to barf.

Remember how when you're on a tear, you can skip a meal, or that the tear stops after you eat?

Yup, works well for quitting drinking too. I recommend either Pizza Ranch or Golden Corral, depending on where you're located.

Plus, it is a change of pace, and knocks you out of your daily drinking routine.
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Old 08-26-2014, 11:38 AM
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Hi, firstly I'm glad you are here as that signifies that you realise being functional like I was does not mean there is not an underlying issue needing addressed here, the fact that you have already quit other habits makes you realise that this disease is just as controllable as the others, I'm sure you will draw the conclusion too that we have to stop ourselves before our bodies stop us which will likely happen eventually with continued alcohol abuse.

If you do indeed decide abstaining is best for you please take medical advice as with a large intake on a regular basis medication may be the best course of action to limit any initial symptoms.

On an unrelated note- just a quick congrats too JDooner, 1 year tommorow is awesome.
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Old 08-26-2014, 11:42 AM
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welcome to the forum
I found this place a year ago and someone mentioned terms like RR, AVRT, addiction ambivalence and kindling. Learning more about those things and how they related and resonated with me helped me to change my thinking about addiction in general and mine in particular.
wish you well and hope to see you around, keep checking in , post , ask ,read and be well !!
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Old 08-26-2014, 11:52 AM
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Hmm... highly functioning. Well, my thoughts and experience on being a highly functioning alcoholic having shifted over the years. I thought I was highly functioning in college while drinking - but my gpa could've been higher, I could have won that highly coveted award instead of just being a nominee, I could've had a PhD by now instead of two bachelors degrees, I could be debt free and living in my cabin on my land by now instead of in the middle of paying off the debt and saving for the land. I could've traveled to 20 countries by now instead of 2. I could've published 2 or 3 books by now, instead of being in the middle of the first.

I used to think I was an inspired, creative highly functioning drinker. I could've been much more inspired, more productive, and more accomplished had I NOT been a drinker. I regret not stopping sooner. I wish I'd stopped at age 25 instead of age 36.

Stop now, do yourself the biggest favor ever. It'll be the best thing you can do for yourself.
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Old 08-26-2014, 12:04 PM
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Welcome, Vic. It just doesn't matter a bit about what we drink and how high functioning we manage to be, does it. It's about being real. Be real with us, Vic!
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Old 08-26-2014, 12:48 PM
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Originally Posted by soberjennie View Post
hmm... Highly functioning. Well, my thoughts and experience on being a highly functioning alcoholic having shifted over the years. I thought i was highly functioning in college while drinking - but my gpa could've been higher, i could have won that highly coveted award instead of just being a nominee, i could've had a phd by now instead of two bachelors degrees, i could be debt free and living in my cabin on my land by now instead of in the middle of paying off the debt and saving for the land. I could've traveled to 20 countries by now instead of 2. I could've published 2 or 3 books by now, instead of being in the middle of the first.

I used to think i was an inspired, creative highly functioning drinker. I could've been much more inspired, more productive, and more accomplished had i not been a drinker. I regret not stopping sooner. I wish i'd stopped at age 25 instead of age 36.

Stop now, do yourself the biggest favor ever. It'll be the best thing you can do for yourself.


yes!!!!! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^that!!! All of that!!!!
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Old 08-26-2014, 01:08 PM
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Thumbs up

Thanks for joining in Vic. My best advice for you if you are indeed going to stop drinking is to see your Dr. You have probably built up a high tolerance for alcohol. Your brain will not like being starved from booze. It is not a pleasant experience and can be dangerous when you get the withdrawal symptoms. They usually start about 12-24 hrs after your last drink and can last about 4-5 days. Your Dr. can prescribe some anti-anxiety meds for you and you can detox at home safely. Be totally honest with your Dr. so he/she can prescribe the best meds. for your situation. Sobriety is great, I can't believe I wasted so much time with my demon. Start your recovery as soon as possible..you won't regret it.
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Old 08-26-2014, 06:06 PM
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Hi and welcome Vic! You have come to the right place as you can see by the wealth of good information and support offered already ...

I too considered myself "highly functioning" with a big job and big life and no arrests, legal issues, or job loss. All I can say is this - it was really fun and life was good. Then it wasn't. Seemed to happen in an instant but really it crept up over time ... this IS progressive, for everyone afflicted, and it will win in the end if we don't do something to change course. I thought I could be the exception to this rule, but I was sorely mistaken. Somehow I found the courage to battle this truly awful addiction and so far, I am winning now. I am just a few days shy of 2 years living sober. And it has been a far better 2 years then the 5 leading up to it despite what I told myself back then.

You CAN do this and you will if you want it ... you have the determination and tools to kick nicotine (I just did that recently!) and weed so I know you can beat this too.

We are all here for you along the way - best of luck on your journey and never, ever give up on yourself. You are worth it
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Old 08-26-2014, 06:15 PM
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I was also what you would call a "highly-functioning alcoholic." I worked ten times harder to maintain a somewhat normal life so I could show myself (and everyone else) that drinking was not interfering with my life. I knew that if I started missing work then I would have to stop drinking.

Highly functioning though? Yeah right. Normal people don't have a splitting headache 360 days a year. They don't spend hundreds of dollars a month of something totally wasteful. They don't really on a substance to feel normal.

I think highly functional people do things like join softball leagues, try to get 8 hours of sleep a night and eat decently healthy food. Highly functional people don't need a bottle of vodka to watch a movie. They can go out and drive places after 8 pm, have fun, and the drive home safely at 11 pm.

I thought I was highly functional but I wasn't.
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Old 08-26-2014, 06:32 PM
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lots of good points here.

I was a highly functioning alchy ... till I wasn't.

The two guys who started AA, Dr. Bob & Bill Wilson were highly functioning alchies ... till they weren't.

Bill said this in telling his story in the book 'Alcoholics Anonymous' --- "Though my drinking was not yet continuous, it disturbed my wife. We would have long talks where I would still her forebodings by telling her that men of genius conceived their best projects when drunk; that the most majestic constructions of philosophic thought were so derived"

Sound familiar ??

You will either learn the hard way, by continuing drinking.

Or you can learn the easier softer way, by taking into account the experience of those who were once like you.

Succinctly .... you'll either think "but I'm different & here's how" or you'll think "mmmmm these people seem to know what they are talking about"

Good luck with it all
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Old 08-26-2014, 06:38 PM
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"Highly functioning" and "heavy drinker" are oxymorons. What you think is high functioning is not even in the realm of what a person that doesn't drink considers high functioning. You can't see that when you are in the midst of the addiction, but there is no such thing as "high functioning" when you are a drunk. Every aspect of your life is being held back by alcohol, when you drink enough, it pervades everything. I used to describe myself as "high functioning" during most of my drinking days, but that thought process was pure addictive voice convincing me that the way I drank was not a big deal. Looking back, I see that the way I drank and lived was utter lunacy.

The good news is there is a whole 'nother world out there that is available to you if you stop drinking. It's not a world I knew about or understood when I was an active drunk. It's full of hope and possibilities. It's freedom.

Welcome aboard, you can do this. You have to want it, but it can be done.
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Old 08-26-2014, 06:47 PM
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Originally Posted by SoberHoopsFan View Post
"Highly functioning" and "heavy drinker" are oxymorons. What you think is high functioning is not even in the realm of what a person that doesn't drink considers high functioning. You can't see that when you are in the midst of the addiction, but there is no such thing as "high functioning" when you are a drunk. Every aspect of your life is being held back by alcohol, when you drink enough, it pervades everything. I used to describe myself as "high functioning" during most of my drinking days, but that thought process was pure addictive voice convincing me that the way I drank was not a big deal. Looking back, I see that the way I drank and lived was utter lunacy.

The good news is there is a whole 'nother world out there that is available to you if you stop drinking. It's not a world I knew about or understood when I was an active drunk. It's full of hope and possibilities. It's freedom.

Welcome aboard, you can do this. You have to want it, but it can be done.
Amazing points Soberhoopsfan,

I really like what you said about how our view of what is "highly functional" doesn't even resemble what a non-drinker, or dare I say, high motivated person would see as "highly functional."

Highly functional people exercise for at least 30 minutes a day. They have stellar credit ratings and not a lot of debt. They arrive early to work. They take part in hobbies. They save their extra money for retirement, college funds, a vacation fund. They probably are on a pretty consistent sleep schedule. House is clean. Car is clean.

Highly functional people wouldn't dream of being drunk all evening. They would consider it unhealthy and a waste of time. It would get in the way of actual functional activities. Great point hoops!
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Old 08-26-2014, 06:55 PM
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High functioning doesn't necessarily mean operating at 100% optimum "non alcoholic" peak performance. We are trying to define a High Functioning alchy, not a High Functioning non alchy.

It means you are functioning at a level with your alcoholism that is above those who have progressed further down the alcoholic spiral. Which is enough to convince most people you aren't alcoholic. Its normally enough to convince your self too.

People in the street with no experience of alcoholism, think alchies are the guys who end up drinking out of paper bags on a park bench.

But not many, if any started there on the bench.

Millions of alchies would have drunk top end booze for years .... if we don't do anything about arresting the problem, we end up sliding down the scale. Partially functioning alcoholics .... make it to work when they can, on the verge of getting sacked, wife's gone, finances are a mess, most people now suspect if not are 100% certain they are in trouble with booze .... your not drinking top shelf anymore either.

Its a slide down ... these days, with so much awareness of alcoholism & other addictions & with lots of different kinds of help readily available, not many of us hit the rock bottom of yesteryear. So we get off the slide before it ends on a park bench with $2 wine in a bag.
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Old 08-26-2014, 06:56 PM
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Originally Posted by MelindaFlowers View Post
Amazing points Soberhoopsfan,

I really like what you said about how our view of what is "highly functional" doesn't even resemble what a non-drinker, or dare I say, high motivated person would see as "highly functional."

Highly functional people exercise for at least 30 minutes a day. They have stellar credit ratings and not a lot of debt. They arrive early to work. They take part in hobbies. They save their extra money for retirement, college funds, a vacation fund. They probably are on a pretty consistent sleep schedule. House is clean. Car is clean.

Highly functional people wouldn't dream of being drunk all evening. They would consider it unhealthy and a waste of time. It would get in the way of actual functional activities. Great point hoops!
Yep. I wish I could go back in time 7 years and slap myself silly for thinking I was "high functioning." Every year of my life I spent enslaved by the bottle was a wasted year, plain and simple, regardless of what other people thought about some of my achievements. I was always failing myself and ensuring I would never truly achieve anything, certainly not happiness. It's taken some sober time for me to see that, but I know it is the truth.

Anyway, don't want to hijack this guy's thread, I think he's on the right path realizing that there could be a better way.
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Old 08-26-2014, 06:59 PM
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Originally Posted by vicNeedsHelp View Post
Thanks for asking that question! Only recently I realized that I want to quit. For a long time I tried to make my life better through other ways. For example, I began exercising to get to a healthier weight and I lost 25 lbs. Those things only helped with certain narrow aspects of my life. I have now understood that the bigger issue is my drinking. Starting today I will be trying to quit.

However, I am afraid of what the evening will bring. I almost wish there weren't so many hours in the day. The hours I spend at work are not a problem because my mind is occupied by other things and besides I cannot drink in the office. After I come home, I will go cycling for two hours. But then after 8 or 9 pm come, I am afraid that I will again decide to have "just one drink". That's when it all starts. Ugh.
Interesting you accept being an alcoholic, a term from AA yet you rationalize your alcoholism by self identifying as high functioning, even though this is an oxymoron. By doing so you allow yourself to dig deeper in your own addiction.

You write above about how you are powerless over alcohol - I am taking the liberty and connecting your inability to quit at 8 or 9PM because you are not preoccupied at work. To me this suggests a powerlessness or unwillingness, so you are either powerless at the moment or you are lying to yourself about your desire to quit. Perhaps you could help us with which one you see?

I relate to much of what you write so I am guessing I will offend a little by nit picking. But I see so much of my old self in you - sorry. I too used my vanity to rationalize my addictions. I also used my money, career, marriage, ability to provide. I rationalized how together I was if my closet was organized and my shirt hangers were one inch apart with the blue oxfords in the same section and the whites separate. However, we rationalize, if you are like me and an addict or alcoholic whatever the term you feel suits - high functioning alcoholic if you like, you are rationalizing your decision to stay on your own elevator.
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Old 08-26-2014, 07:04 PM
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I am usually not blunt, but feel your post screams at me to post. You seem to me to be a person who thinks they are better than the average drunk and you can handle it but are scared. Let me tell you, I am extremely intelligent. I have crossed the lines of poverty with flying colors, have fought to get to every inch of ground I have gotten to and am finally living very comfortable. Reality is because of this horrible disease you nor I will make it out without some kind of consequences. I haven't had any dui's or lost my license, etc. I've increased my salary considerably within the last year. Yeah we've both been "fortunate" or have we??? I personally never want to experience any of the negative. I am not perfect and make mistakes. I am not completely sober yet so I feel justified when I tell you to get off that high horse you're on and either get sober or be a drunk. Don't pretend to be something you are not. We both need to make the decision to either get sober or be a hidden professional drunk.
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