hokey

It's depressing to think that I'm back on day 3, so I am not going to worry about "how many days" ... today I will not drink. I just need to get back to the basics and keep on plugging away, one day at a time, not think about tomorrow, not dwell on the past, but focus on the here and now. My keen alcoholic mind doesn't like me to think that way, it would rather think about forever and what that means ... it would rather stay in the past beating myself up for ludicrous reasons.

I was happiest when I was attending meetings every night ... why and when and how did that become a negative thing? I truly don't know but that evil little monster was lying in wait, flexing it's nasty little muscles, sure that it would get it's opportunity to strike. And strike it did ... in a big way! It's quiet for now, content in it's victory. Or perhaps it knows that it holds no power if I stay in the now. Either way, today is a good day ... a sober day ... and yes, I will be at a meeting tonight (hear that you little turd???? You hate meetings and the power they give me over you! You also hate it when I post here because you get awful quiet!) I'm starting to look crazy, so I'll leave it at that for now.

Onward ...

Hevyn

Hi Holly. Yes, onward. You came back, and that's what counts.

Enjoy your meeting. We're proud of you for coming here to do battle.

PurpleKnight

Great post!! Onwards and upwards Holly!!

Soberwolf

Brilliant courageous post

Well done keep at it

CharlesG

today is a great day!! No matter what hurdles life (or yourself) throw, it is a great and blessed day, give yourself permission to be happy and breathe it in! Don't worry off the littles if you are giving action and plan and thought to the situation! Take a load off and take it easy!!! You will enjoy it, and get used to this lifestyle, i'm on day 9 and beginning to lose count, take this in as the new way to live and adjust it to your likings! I just need loud music to ride around and play, and good meals!! Love yourself!!

JaylaaKent

Took me a couple times of building up sobriety and then thinking I could control my drinking. I'd go back out - then come back to AA with my tail between my legs, swearing I'd never do that again - what did I do? Go back out. When I relapsed it would be so hard for me to stop drinking I longed for the "easy" days of meetings and being sober. Finally I came back and have not found reason to go do anymore field research. It always ends the same, always sucks - it takes what it takes for someone to say enough. Hopefully this is it for you. I don't focus on days - just how I feel and the fact I'm sober.

hokey

It wasn't even about trying to control my drinking or some such delusion ... I knew exactly where it would end. I drank to get drunk ... I played the tape out to the end, I realized what the consequences would be and I did not care. And in doing so, I threw away 88 days of sobriety.

lunar

Day 3's better than another day 1.
Day 4's better than day 3.