coming to terms - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read





Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 08-25-2014, 07:55 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 14

coming to terms


Yesterday I came to terms with the fact that I have a problem with binge drinking.

I've been drinking heavily on and off since October of last year. Before that drinking for me was very rare. Last October I was diagnosed with Meningitis and all the painkillers in the world that they gave me didn't get rid of the severe headaches and photophobia. One night I was in so much pain I just said "**** it" and poured myself a glass of whisky. Tall glass, no mix, little ice. This became my standard drink of choice later. After drinking down the whisky I sat in my chair and to my surprised it helped with the pain. It didn't completely kill the pain, nothing did. But it brought it down from a screaming 10 down to a 6. After that, the rest is history and I spent the next three weeks completely drunk off my ass off whisky until my health was better.

It was easy for me to rationalize this at the time. I was drinking "medicinally" and once I got better I would stop. Looking back on things, I probably would have gotten better a lot sooner had I not gone this route, and I did some damage to my marriage in the process.

After mid January rolled around, I was better and good to go back to work (thank god for my insurance package, or I would have had to work while I was sick.) and to my credit I did stop drinking for a bit, but I couldn't stop for good. Again I rationalized it as I was sick so it didn't count. But now if I was going out for drinks after work, I had a taste for it, and one drink was never enough. After the months went by I found I was drinking heavily again. Rough day at the office? Better get falling down drunk. Going out with a few buddies? better be the drunkest one there by the end of the night. Depressed from your job, marriage, etc? buy a bottle.

I realized that this was an issue, and I had stopped drinking (for the most part) since the end of June (except two instances where I was going to a friends place to drink, and both times I didn't stop until I was black out drunk) but for the most part, it still didn't seem that bad. This weekend was the last straw. I went to a party of a friends with a bunch of coworkers. I planned on not drinking that night, to be honest, i didn't even want to go. I was able to turn down drinks for the first couple hours, but after a while I just thought (well, I can have one) Unfortunately, it didn't stop at one. It ended with me having everything I could have at the party, coming home after the party and drinking straight whisky until I blacked out. I didn't remember much of when I got home that night, but my wife was terrified for me all night, half expecting I was going to die. I woke up to a hole in the bathroom wall from when I was so drunk but thought I needed to have a shower (bon fire) and repeatedly fell in the shower, twisting my knee something fierce.

I had a long talk with my wife the next day and broke down; I have a problem. Not something I thought I would ever say, but ironically one of the most difficult things I ever have said. I have a lot of alcoholics in my family on both my mother and fathers sides. Up until a year ago, I took pride on the fact that I didn't have a drinking problem, and now I do. I want to be able to just change my relationship with alcohol. No more whisky obviously, but I want to know if it is at all possible for me to even have a couple beers at a social event and be able to stop. When I start drinking it seems that once I feel a buzz coming on, that I need to have more and more faster to chase that buzz, to get drunk off my ass. I don't want to live this way anymore.

I don't even really know how to end this, I've just been typing up until this point. If you read this, thank you.
newstart85 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 19 Users Say Thank You to newstart85 For This Useful Post:
ccam1973 (08-25-2014), Change4good (09-17-2014), CharlesG (08-25-2014), DoubleFelix (08-25-2014), FeenixxRising (08-26-2014), Flying4Life (08-25-2014), GotGrace (08-25-2014), HenryKrinkle (08-27-2014), HopePeace (08-25-2014), Jsober (08-29-2014), Jupiters (08-25-2014), lunar (08-29-2014), luvmygirls (09-17-2014), MelindaFlowers (08-25-2014), MythOfSisyphus (08-27-2014), PotentialA (08-26-2014), SoberJohn (08-25-2014), Soberpotamus (08-25-2014)
Old 08-25-2014, 08:42 AM   #2 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 52,406
If you are an alcoholic, you cannot go back. As Betty Ford says, once you've crossed the invisible line, there is no return. Alcoholics cannot moderate drinking. If we could, we wouldn't be alcoholics.
__________________
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson
Anna is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Anna For This Useful Post:
Jupiters (08-25-2014), lunar (08-29-2014), luvmygirls (09-17-2014), newstart85 (08-25-2014), Soberpotamus (08-25-2014), Tonymblue (08-25-2014)
Old 08-25-2014, 08:53 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 14
if that's the case, I have a very long and difficult journey ahead of me. Starting with Thursday night where I have a "going away party" (promotion starts next week, new position) and it's going to be at a bar. Was hoping I would be able to have just a couple of beers and be social.

Though part of me knows I have the devil on my shoulder who is always telling me to just have one more. I don't seem to need to drink...until I'm drinking. Then I always just need one more.
newstart85 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to newstart85 For This Useful Post:
luvmygirls (09-17-2014)
Old 08-25-2014, 09:00 AM   #4 (permalink)
Canine Welfare Advocate
 
doggonecarl's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,354
Blog Entries: 22
Welcome to sober recovery.

Quote:
Originally Posted by newstart85 View Post
I want to be able to just change my relationship with alcohol. No more whisky obviously, but I want to know if it is at all possible for me to even have a couple beers at a social event and be able to stop.
So, all the devastation that alcohol has caused in your life in such a short period of time, and your only concern is being able to drink socially?

You can keep on hanging on to that fantasy, or you can start gathering the information needed to quit drinking for good. Recovery starts with change. Often times big changes that we don't want to make. For instance, skipping your going away party.
doggonecarl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to doggonecarl For This Useful Post:
luvmygirls (09-17-2014), newstart85 (08-25-2014)
Old 08-25-2014, 09:04 AM   #5 (permalink)
Be the best version of you
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: brb
Posts: 66,800
Blog Entries: 4
Quote:
Originally Posted by newstart85 View Post
Yesterday I came to terms with the fact that I have a problem with binge drinking.

I've been drinking heavily on and off since October of last year. Before that drinking for me was very rare. Last October I was diagnosed with Meningitis and all the painkillers in the world that they gave me didn't get rid of the severe headaches and photophobia. One night I was in so much pain I just said "**** it" and poured myself a glass of whisky. Tall glass, no mix, little ice. This became my standard drink of choice later. After drinking down the whisky I sat in my chair and to my surprised it helped with the pain. It didn't completely kill the pain, nothing did. But it brought it down from a screaming 10 down to a 6. After that, the rest is history and I spent the next three weeks completely drunk off my ass off whisky until my health was better.

It was easy for me to rationalize this at the time. I was drinking "medicinally" and once I got better I would stop. Looking back on things, I probably would have gotten better a lot sooner had I not gone this route, and I did some damage to my marriage in the process.

After mid January rolled around, I was better and good to go back to work (thank god for my insurance package, or I would have had to work while I was sick.) and to my credit I did stop drinking for a bit, but I couldn't stop for good. Again I rationalized it as I was sick so it didn't count. But now if I was going out for drinks after work, I had a taste for it, and one drink was never enough. After the months went by I found I was drinking heavily again. Rough day at the office? Better get falling down drunk. Going out with a few buddies? better be the drunkest one there by the end of the night. Depressed from your job, marriage, etc? buy a bottle.

I realized that this was an issue, and I had stopped drinking (for the most part) since the end of June (except two instances where I was going to a friends place to drink, and both times I didn't stop until I was black out drunk) but for the most part, it still didn't seem that bad. This weekend was the last straw. I went to a party of a friends with a bunch of coworkers. I planned on not drinking that night, to be honest, i didn't even want to go. I was able to turn down drinks for the first couple hours, but after a while I just thought (well, I can have one) Unfortunately, it didn't stop at one. It ended with me having everything I could have at the party, coming home after the party and drinking straight whisky until I blacked out. I didn't remember much of when I got home that night, but my wife was terrified for me all night, half expecting I was going to die. I woke up to a hole in the bathroom wall from when I was so drunk but thought I needed to have a shower (bon fire) and repeatedly fell in the shower, twisting my knee something fierce.

I had a long talk with my wife the next day and broke down; I have a problem. Not something I thought I would ever say, but ironically one of the most difficult things I ever have said. I have a lot of alcoholics in my family on both my mother and fathers sides. Up until a year ago, I took pride on the fact that I didn't have a drinking problem, and now I do. I want to be able to just change my relationship with alcohol. No more whisky obviously, but I want to know if it is at all possible for me to even have a couple beers at a social event and be able to stop. When I start drinking it seems that once I feel a buzz coming on, that I need to have more and more faster to chase that buzz, to get drunk off my ass. I don't want to live this way anymore.

I don't even really know how to end this, I've just been typing up until this point. If you read this, thank you.
Right you said you broke down and said you had a problem !

You need to accept to get better your going to have to make some changes

If you want to do this change today I'm here but I'llalso be here the next day and so on

Well done on recognising now its time for the realisation that will solve this problem

You said thanks for reading
I say thanks for writing it took guts to do that
Soberwolf is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Soberwolf For This Useful Post:
newstart85 (08-25-2014)
Old 08-25-2014, 09:04 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by doggonecarl View Post
Welcome to sober recovery.



So, all the devastation that alcohol has caused in your life in such a short period of time, and your only concern is being able to drink socially?

You can keep on hanging on to that fantasy, or you can start gathering the information needed to quit drinking for good. Recovery starts with change. Often times big changes that we don't want to make. For instance, skipping your going away party.
my concerns are somewhat career oriented, since unfortunately all of these outings revolve around a bar. Maybe I can get away with just drinking soda?

I know what you're trying to say, and I appreciate it.
newstart85 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to newstart85 For This Useful Post:
luvmygirls (09-17-2014)
Old 08-25-2014, 09:08 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
GotGrace's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,536
Hi newstart, and welcome! I am impressed that you made your realization so quickly after drinking became a problem. Read around and post as much as you need to. There is lots of help here!
GotGrace is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to GotGrace For This Useful Post:
newstart85 (08-25-2014)
Old 08-25-2014, 10:44 AM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
PurpleKnight's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,857
Welcome to the Forum!!

The problem is that controlling alcohol is not something that can be learned, it is hardwired into our genetics and thought processes, it therefore can't be cured or fixed, in a either you have it or you don't sort of a way!!

Taking alcohol out of the equation is the solution, but that means on a permanent basis!!

You can do this, it's gonna take serious change to your life, but it's worth it!!
PurpleKnight is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-25-2014, 10:56 AM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
ccam1973's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome to the forum.

I think you know the answer to your question as to if you can drink just a few socially.

We can only speak for ourselves and our experiences. Your story is not unique and I'm sure many can relate to the actions and feelings you described; I know I can.

For me, I spent years trying to rationalize drinking. I'm glad you are realizing it early on. I spent 21 years rationalizing. Now finally at 41 have quit. Only 50 days sober today, so very early on in my recovery, but so much happier now.

Not an easy thing to do, but the only option for me, 100% the only option.

Best of luck with your decision. Your goal is definitely attainable and life is much better without alcohol in it; IMO.

Tons of support here for you.
ccam1973 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to ccam1973 For This Useful Post:
luvmygirls (09-17-2014), newstart85 (08-25-2014)
Old 08-25-2014, 12:42 PM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by GotGrace View Post
Hi newstart, and welcome! I am impressed that you made your realization so quickly after drinking became a problem. Read around and post as much as you need to. There is lots of help here!
thank you, and thank you everyone for the support. I was able to make my realization based on the fact that I dove in to alcoholism pretty quickly. Went from rarely drinking at all, or having a couple beers when I did to needing to get black out drunk if I was having drinks, and doing it more often than not.

Also, I have A LOT of alcoholism in my family, so I guess that made me realize where I am also.
newstart85 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to newstart85 For This Useful Post:
luvmygirls (09-17-2014)
Old 08-25-2014, 01:31 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Hobbers's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 446
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anna View Post
If you are an alcoholic, you cannot go back. As Betty Ford says, once you've crossed the invisible line, there is no return. Alcoholics cannot moderate drinking. If we could, we wouldn't be alcoholics.
thank you. I need to be reminded this, constantly.

(I'm 'too smart' for my own good...)
Hobbers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-25-2014, 03:08 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 285
Quote:
Originally Posted by newstart85 View Post
Yesterday I came to terms with the fact that I have a problem with binge drinking.

I've been drinking heavily on and off since October of last year. Before that drinking for me was very rare. Last October I was diagnosed with Meningitis and all the painkillers in the world that they gave me didn't get rid of the severe headaches and photophobia. One night I was in so much pain I just said "**** it" and poured myself a glass of whisky. Tall glass, no mix, little ice. This became my standard drink of choice later. After drinking down the whisky I sat in my chair and to my surprised it helped with the pain. It didn't completely kill the pain, nothing did. But it brought it down from a screaming 10 down to a 6. After that, the rest is history and I spent the next three weeks completely drunk off my ass off whisky until my health was better.

It was easy for me to rationalize this at the time. I was drinking "medicinally" and once I got better I would stop. Looking back on things, I probably would have gotten better a lot sooner had I not gone this route, and I did some damage to my marriage in the process.

After mid January rolled around, I was better and good to go back to work (thank god for my insurance package, or I would have had to work while I was sick.) and to my credit I did stop drinking for a bit, but I couldn't stop for good. Again I rationalized it as I was sick so it didn't count. But now if I was going out for drinks after work, I had a taste for it, and one drink was never enough. After the months went by I found I was drinking heavily again. Rough day at the office? Better get falling down drunk. Going out with a few buddies? better be the drunkest one there by the end of the night. Depressed from your job, marriage, etc? buy a bottle.

I realized that this was an issue, and I had stopped drinking (for the most part) since the end of June (except two instances where I was going to a friends place to drink, and both times I didn't stop until I was black out drunk) but for the most part, it still didn't seem that bad. This weekend was the last straw. I went to a party of a friends with a bunch of coworkers. I planned on not drinking that night, to be honest, i didn't even want to go. I was able to turn down drinks for the first couple hours, but after a while I just thought (well, I can have one) Unfortunately, it didn't stop at one. It ended with me having everything I could have at the party, coming home after the party and drinking straight whisky until I blacked out. I didn't remember much of when I got home that night, but my wife was terrified for me all night, half expecting I was going to die. I woke up to a hole in the bathroom wall from when I was so drunk but thought I needed to have a shower (bon fire) and repeatedly fell in the shower, twisting my knee something fierce.

I had a long talk with my wife the next day and broke down; I have a problem. Not something I thought I would ever say, but ironically one of the most difficult things I ever have said. I have a lot of alcoholics in my family on both my mother and fathers sides. Up until a year ago, I took pride on the fact that I didn't have a drinking problem, and now I do. I want to be able to just change my relationship with alcohol. No more whisky obviously, but I want to know if it is at all possible for me to even have a couple beers at a social event and be able to stop. When I start drinking it seems that once I feel a buzz coming on, that I need to have more and more faster to chase that buzz, to get drunk off my ass. I don't want to live this way anymore.

I don't even really know how to end this, I've just been typing up until this point. If you read this, thank you.
no thank you for sharing! I can relate!
Had this problem with prescription cough syrup! Get a 8 ounce think I can just sip a little, drink the whole thing, fiend for more act a ass. Same with xanax!! And any other escape. I think, something goes a way I dont like, get high. Get drunk. It is never the answer! Even if something goes the way you would like it to!! We got this and being aware through the trial and error is seemingly the way we all got through it!!
CharlesG is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to CharlesG For This Useful Post:
luvmygirls (09-17-2014)
Old 08-25-2014, 10:06 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 14
funny thing is, I'm not really worried about this party on Thursday night. Sure it will be at a bar but I'll be fine drinking soda. More worried about a wedding I have to go to in a month or so. about 80% of the people are going to either be strangers, or people I don't like at all. I just know that open bar will be calling to me.

And unfortunately I can't just not go, that's not an option.
newstart85 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to newstart85 For This Useful Post:
luvmygirls (09-17-2014)
Old 08-26-2014, 06:54 AM   #14 (permalink)
Canine Welfare Advocate
 
doggonecarl's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,354
Blog Entries: 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by newstart85 View Post
And unfortunately I can't just not go, that's not an option.
Why? Are you the groom? Other than that, there are options.
doggonecarl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to doggonecarl For This Useful Post:
mfanch (09-17-2014)
Old 08-26-2014, 08:08 AM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by doggonecarl View Post
Why? Are you the groom? Other than that, there are options.
Wife's family, and I am in the wedding party.
newstart85 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-26-2014, 08:23 AM   #16 (permalink)
Canine Welfare Advocate
 
doggonecarl's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,354
Blog Entries: 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by newstart85 View Post
Wife's family, and I am in the wedding party.
Fine. Attend the wedding...skip the reception.

I don't give this advice lightly. I've been on SR four years. I've seen soooo many "I have to go to a wedding" posts, which are usually followed by, "I'm back, day one" posts.

Do people make it through wedding receptions. Sure. A few. The safe bet is to avoid or minimize those things that threaten our sobriety. As I said in my initial reply to your post, successful recovery is about change and our willingness to make the changes we need to make when sobriety is our number one priority.

But we are getting ahead ourselves...you haven't made it through your going away party yet.
doggonecarl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to doggonecarl For This Useful Post:
mfanch (09-17-2014)
Old 08-26-2014, 09:49 AM   #17 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: London
Posts: 13
For what it is worth, I am partially recovered in that I managed to curb my social drinking and I am working on my home drinking now (having joined this forum today!).

For social drinking and weddings particularly I did two things where possible:
- I asked the bar if they had non-alcoholic beer - most of them do now (in the UK at least). Sometimes I would buy 2 at a time and ask for a pint glass then I could chat with my friends with a pint of beer without drinking any alcohol. You do get a kind of buzz from it too, even though it is a placebo.
- If you are disciplined about zero alcohol when driving, drive to weddings because if you tell people you are driving back, they will be glad that you are not drinking and if you were drinking they would probably think less of you.

Just my 2 cents/pence in case it helps!
PotentialA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-26-2014, 10:07 AM   #18 (permalink)
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,145
Quote:
Originally Posted by newstart85 View Post
funny thing is, I'm not really worried about this party on Thursday night. Sure it will be at a bar but I'll be fine drinking soda. More worried about a wedding I have to go to in a month or so. about 80% of the people are going to either be strangers, or people I don't like at all. I just know that open bar will be calling to me.

And unfortunately I can't just not go, that's not an option.
There is always going to be "something" on the horizon that will be calling your alcoholism. Weddings, birthday parties, family reunions, work gatherings, etc.

If you are truly serious about sobriety, you will make the necessary adjustments to either not attend, or have a backup plan in place. Specific to weddings, like Carl said you can attend the ceremony and skip the reception. People do it all the time, and not just because they are alcohlics.

The bottom line is that if you don't take sobriety seriously and make it your number #1 priority, you will not attain it. You will have to make some hard decisions and you won't like some of them. You will be uncomfortable at times, you will have to do things you don't want to do. You may have to change some of the people you spend time with, and also where you spend your time. The alternative though is much, much worse.
ScottFromWI is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to ScottFromWI For This Useful Post:
luvmygirls (09-17-2014)
Old 08-26-2014, 10:50 AM   #19 (permalink)
Member
 
sharpdistance's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by newstart85 View Post
if that's the case, I have a very long and difficult journey ahead of me. Starting with Thursday night where I have a "going away party" (promotion starts next week, new position) and it's going to be at a bar. Was hoping I would be able to have just a couple of beers and be social.

Though part of me knows I have the devil on my shoulder who is always telling me to just have one more. I don't seem to need to drink...until I'm drinking. Then I always just need one more.
Can you look at the idea of "being social" from an outside perspective? You can really only be social without having any alcohol. If you can't stop drinking until you're very drunk, then it doesn't seem like drinking two beers could really be any fun for you. I'm sure you would be much more social if you didn't have to deal with the stress of trying to curb your drinking (and not even enjoy the "relaxing effects" of two beers) or deal with the horror of another binge. It seems like the best way to actually have fun at a party would be to have a cola and enjoy everyone's company.

That's the realization I've come to (and still grapple with every day).
Great job. Keep up the good work!
sharpdistance is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-26-2014, 10:06 PM   #20 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by PotentialA View Post
For what it is worth, I am partially recovered in that I managed to curb my social drinking and I am working on my home drinking now (having joined this forum today!).

For social drinking and weddings particularly I did two things where possible:
- I asked the bar if they had non-alcoholic beer - most of them do now (in the UK at least). Sometimes I would buy 2 at a time and ask for a pint glass then I could chat with my friends with a pint of beer without drinking any alcohol. You do get a kind of buzz from it too, even though it is a placebo.
- If you are disciplined about zero alcohol when driving, drive to weddings because if you tell people you are driving back, they will be glad that you are not drinking and if you were drinking they would probably think less of you.

Just my 2 cents/pence in case it helps!
the driving thing is always easy, since I can say that out of all the messed up things I had done while drinking, the smart thing I've always done is put my keys away before I had a drink. This is a great idea, thank you.
newstart85 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:24 PM.