Ashamed
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 166
Ashamed
I joined here recently with all the best intentions in the world. I had planned on quitting for life and 19 days in I convinced myself I could drink in moderation again, that this time it would be different. I went to stay with my brother and his girlfriend Saturday night. He is my best friend and I love him. We drank heavily last night with his friends, had a great time out and everyone enjoyed themselves until around 1AM. I don't know how it happened but my brother and I got into a fight and I lost control. I nearly killed him and had 2 people tear me from him. I saw red and I don't even know how it happened. I feel totally ashamed of myself. I want to die. I've proved once again I can't drink and this time I've driven away the people closest to me. I'll never forgive myself. Yes he and I are both to blame but I only blame myself as I know what alcohol can do to me. I am a kind, loving person and hate violence. This would never happen if I was sober. How do I come back from this. My brother will never speak to me again. I know there are no answers to help me I'm just so low this is a call for help. I struggling to post this I'm so ashamed.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Sussex UK
Posts: 112
Hi, sorry to hear of your trouble. Beast 1, you nil. Start again. I am day 1, I am well impressed with 19 days!!! Write your brother a letter if he won't talk to or email you. Explain that you are committed to sobriety and really working on beating this. I wish you all the best. Family is precious and life is too short to go around with a raging beast on your back.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
The only thing you can do is to try to channel that shame in a positive direction...your recovery. If there is any chance of winning your brother back, you have to be sober. Don't use this incident to fuel any more drinking.
Next, tweet your plan for staying sober, for it obviously has holes in it. Decide you are done drinking and do what you need to do to support that decision. Maybe even some form of substance abuse counseling or AA.
Next, tweet your plan for staying sober, for it obviously has holes in it. Decide you are done drinking and do what you need to do to support that decision. Maybe even some form of substance abuse counseling or AA.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Moscow
Posts: 25
Hi maverickspoint.
My younger brother and me were alcoholics.
Once we were drunk and he attacked me. I was in better conditions maybe and I could handle the situation.
Then I thought that I could never forgive him although I had no rights neither to blame neither to forgive because I was drunk too.
After one month we started to speak a little then step by step we rebuilt our relationships.
We were brothers but we were not friends.
He dead of alcohol 13 years ago. I am an alcoholic who is still alive and even sober for some periods.
I blamed myself many times about that situation. I thought that I provoked him to attack me.
I understood that I forgave him not far ago and I felt that I was forgiven too.
It is possible to stay sober and it is possible to forgive yourself.
And your brother will forgive you soon I believe.
Definitely you will experience really bad days but thing will get better soon.
If you proved your uncompatibility with alcohol once again you can make it the last drink in your life.
Good luck maverickspoint!
My younger brother and me were alcoholics.
Once we were drunk and he attacked me. I was in better conditions maybe and I could handle the situation.
Then I thought that I could never forgive him although I had no rights neither to blame neither to forgive because I was drunk too.
After one month we started to speak a little then step by step we rebuilt our relationships.
We were brothers but we were not friends.
He dead of alcohol 13 years ago. I am an alcoholic who is still alive and even sober for some periods.
I blamed myself many times about that situation. I thought that I provoked him to attack me.
I understood that I forgave him not far ago and I felt that I was forgiven too.
It is possible to stay sober and it is possible to forgive yourself.
And your brother will forgive you soon I believe.
Definitely you will experience really bad days but thing will get better soon.
If you proved your uncompatibility with alcohol once again you can make it the last drink in your life.
Good luck maverickspoint!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,001
Go forward. You had 19 days. Thats mighty. I had 36 days. Then i had a few beers at a restaurant. One week later i was on a bottle of vodka a day binge. Got in a horrible fight with my wife. Remember your brother was drinking as well. He probably feels just like you. Hoping youll reach out to him. Dont be ashamed. Be proud and start back on the sober train.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
The past is in the past, go at things again, you can do this!! 
For me I had to really accept that abstinence in no way cures or fixes me, how could it? that first drink would always lead to things spiralling as bad as ever, maybe not on the first day but over the coming weeks!!
For me I had to really accept that abstinence in no way cures or fixes me, how could it? that first drink would always lead to things spiralling as bad as ever, maybe not on the first day but over the coming weeks!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Give it another try, use the 19 days as strength that you can do it for the long haul. Use the fight as ammunition and resolve that you can't drink again. What's done is done...
I've been close to having the same thing happen with my little brother in the past; he's my best friend also. I'm not violent by nature, but get alcohol mixed in with two alcoholics and all reasoning and rationality is thrown out the window.
best thing for you is to not drink. If it were me, I would try to reach out to my brother, but that is for you to decide...
Remember back to those 19 days, you were in control of your actions. Get there again and the rest will fall into place. Not saying it will fall in easily, but it will all fall into place, and if you are sober, it will be for the better.
Best of luck.
I've been close to having the same thing happen with my little brother in the past; he's my best friend also. I'm not violent by nature, but get alcohol mixed in with two alcoholics and all reasoning and rationality is thrown out the window.
best thing for you is to not drink. If it were me, I would try to reach out to my brother, but that is for you to decide...
Remember back to those 19 days, you were in control of your actions. Get there again and the rest will fall into place. Not saying it will fall in easily, but it will all fall into place, and if you are sober, it will be for the better.
Best of luck.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Every recovering alcoholic on this site has regrets. I would have more if I continued drinking. Make sure you don't end up with more regrets. Find your path to a sober life.
You can do this.
You can do this.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
i would behave just like you in drink and i would end up in police cells or worse end up going to prison for my fights and drunkenness etc
very often i wouldn't have a clue when i would wake up what on earth i had done wrong or how the hell i ended up in a cell
but it doesnt matter as in the eyes of the law you will pay for anything you do under drink.
the judge will not listen to how i am a good man without drink inside me he will send me to prison and tell me to do something about my drinking
even going to prison didnt stop me drinking i can remember promising everyone when i get out of prison i am going to change and i meant every word of it
until i got out and i headed off to the pub with some other inmates who got released, well one drink wouldnt hurt me just to celebrate my realease would it ?
it wasnt long after i was back inside again after yet another drunken bout, be it with police or neighbours or people just out for peaceful fun evening i would soon ruin it for all
i dont drink today thanks to the help i got and still get in aa and i dont wake up in police cells anymore, prison is a thing of the past, and i dont wake up feeling full of guilt shame or remorse anymore.
very often i wouldn't have a clue when i would wake up what on earth i had done wrong or how the hell i ended up in a cell
but it doesnt matter as in the eyes of the law you will pay for anything you do under drink.
the judge will not listen to how i am a good man without drink inside me he will send me to prison and tell me to do something about my drinking
even going to prison didnt stop me drinking i can remember promising everyone when i get out of prison i am going to change and i meant every word of it
until i got out and i headed off to the pub with some other inmates who got released, well one drink wouldnt hurt me just to celebrate my realease would it ?
it wasnt long after i was back inside again after yet another drunken bout, be it with police or neighbours or people just out for peaceful fun evening i would soon ruin it for all
i dont drink today thanks to the help i got and still get in aa and i dont wake up in police cells anymore, prison is a thing of the past, and i dont wake up feeling full of guilt shame or remorse anymore.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
This rings my doorbell ...
Towards the end of my drinking my gf gave up moved out and was praying in church she actually said I don't know if you were ever coming back
Me and my brother are just like you and yours and I'm not sure but you sound like the older one (snap)
My younger brother attempted to rescue me to no avail then came the day I threw him out
It seemed nothing was going to save me I am 32....
I am now 13mnths sober nearly 14 my gf is my life and I do my best by her and will do so for the rest of my life
As for my brother who I cruelly threw out ...
We are tighter than we have ever been he seen me making the effort I made trips down to him just me and him and talk
Happier now than I have ever been drinking I swear to you
You can have this result also we are all here to help
Towards the end of my drinking my gf gave up moved out and was praying in church she actually said I don't know if you were ever coming back
Me and my brother are just like you and yours and I'm not sure but you sound like the older one (snap)
My younger brother attempted to rescue me to no avail then came the day I threw him out
It seemed nothing was going to save me I am 32....
I am now 13mnths sober nearly 14 my gf is my life and I do my best by her and will do so for the rest of my life
As for my brother who I cruelly threw out ...
We are tighter than we have ever been he seen me making the effort I made trips down to him just me and him and talk
Happier now than I have ever been drinking I swear to you
You can have this result also we are all here to help
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: in the city by the bay
Posts: 605
Originally Posted by Nonsensical 
Every recovering alcoholic on this site has regrets. I would have more if I continued drinking. Make sure you don't end up with more regrets. Find your path to a sober life.
You can do this.
You can do this.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by maverickspoint
I've proved once again I can't drink and this time I've driven away the people closest to me. I'll never forgive myself. Yes he and I are both to blame but I only blame myself as I know what alcohol can do to me. I am a kind, loving person and hate violence.
Time can heal many wounds, but only if you do whatever it takes to make sure you don't drink, as well as find a plan to live a life of sobriety. Whether that takes counseling, rehab, detox, AA/NA/meetings, etc you have to make it the #1 priority in your life over anything else.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 166
Thank you so much for the responses people. I will never ever drink again. This has shocked me to my core and whilst I knew I have a temper which can be totally escalated under the influence I didn't ever realise it could get that bad. I have contacted my brother but he wont speak to me. Time is the healer and in many ways we both need to apologise. My nose feels broken, I've been bitten and have bruises all over. I hope he can get past this but as he is 24 and has a stubborn streak I have my doubts. This is a huge wakeup call and not one I ever wanted but today is the start of the rest of my life.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Hi Maverickspoint... yep we ALL have done things we regret that cause shame, guilt and embarrassment. The best way to rectify is to quit the drinking and move on with our lives. No looking back in regret, it helps nothing. Use that guilt to spur you on toward lasting change!
P.S. I broke a wine bottle over my husband's head once during a beach vacation... actually, was before we were to be married!! Horrendous, I know. But we overcame it.
P.S. I broke a wine bottle over my husband's head once during a beach vacation... actually, was before we were to be married!! Horrendous, I know. But we overcame it.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by maverickspoint
Thank you so much for the responses people. I will never ever drink again. This has shocked me to my core and whilst I knew I have a temper which can be totally escalated under the influence I didn't ever realise it could get that bad. I have contacted my brother but he wont speak to me. Time is the healer and in many ways we both need to apologise. My nose feels broken, I've been bitten and have bruises all over. I hope he can get past this but as he is 24 and has a stubborn streak I have my doubts. This is a huge wakeup call and not one I ever wanted but today is the start of the rest of my life.
And although your brother is stubborn the fact is your brothers
Your wise to know time is a healer and that is massive
Keep on posting as your taking strides here and it makes me feel very positive about your future
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Welcome and I'm sorry about what you did under the influence.
My suggestion is to let your brother heal his own way and to focus on yourself. You called him and understandably he doesn't want to communicate with you, so let it go and focus on you. You can stop drinking and change your life. We're here to support you as you move forward.
My suggestion is to let your brother heal his own way and to focus on yourself. You called him and understandably he doesn't want to communicate with you, so let it go and focus on you. You can stop drinking and change your life. We're here to support you as you move forward.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,467
Can relate maverick, Years ago I ended up in the cells one night after blacking out after a leaving do for a mate who was emigrating to Australia, I came home and my dad and I got into an argument- my own father had to call the police because I was like a wild animal apparently and I cant remember anything about it, when I woke up in a cell the next day and the policeman described how I had to be dragged into the police van it frightened the life out of me as like you Im in no way a violent person, but Im ashamed to say the first thing I did when released was to get drunk to forget-only an alcoholic.
I was turfed out of my dads and it took a while for him to forgive me, and the worst part is is that he actually felt guilty about phoning the police on me but Im pleased to say we have patched things up, and we get on ok now, please use this as a turning point- I didn't I drank even more to try and blot it out and my drinking got worse and worse as a result.
Alcohol turns good guys into bad and intelligent people into fools.
Try and move on from this and live the life you deserve sober and in control.
Good luck friend.
I was turfed out of my dads and it took a while for him to forgive me, and the worst part is is that he actually felt guilty about phoning the police on me but Im pleased to say we have patched things up, and we get on ok now, please use this as a turning point- I didn't I drank even more to try and blot it out and my drinking got worse and worse as a result.
Alcohol turns good guys into bad and intelligent people into fools.
Try and move on from this and live the life you deserve sober and in control.
Good luck friend.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Los Angeles, SoCal
Posts: 5
I have been in so many fights while drunk. My temper is out of control while drinking.
Fought with my brothers too. One didn't speak to me for months.
But you're right. Time heals. He won't forget it but he might forgive if you follow the right path.
Admit you have a problem and who knows, he might support you.
If you don't do anything he has no reason to forgive you.
Fought with my brothers too. One didn't speak to me for months.
But you're right. Time heals. He won't forget it but he might forgive if you follow the right path.
Admit you have a problem and who knows, he might support you.
If you don't do anything he has no reason to forgive you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
well.... that sucks.
no two ways about it.
But when we reach a point like this, it is an opportunity to rise above this low place.
You need to work on letting go of that shame. It's ok to feel remorse. It's ok to say you're sorry. It's ok to FEEL ashamed..... yet shame is a fantastic fuel for further alcohol abuse.
Recognize that it was because of your alcohol abuse that this happened. You can avoid this in future by making another choice of the path you'll take in life and that choice can begin TODAY.
Make amends for what happened - that may take time and it may take a while before you can even approach that. In the meantime, shame will only get you more self-loathing and pity and darkness and a tendency to succumb to the drink.
There is no shame in the fact that you have a reaction to a toxic substance which causes you to behave in ways that are utterly NOT your nature. It's not your FAULT.... it is now your responsibility to make another choice if you truly are ready to avoid being taken down to these depths again. You know what causes it and you are now empowered to take action and change that.
Now is a time to turn to resolve and empowerment, let go of shame. Shame will not heal you. Shame will not help repair your relationship with your brother.
What WILL heal you and your relationship is making change and demonstrating that you are learning and growing from what happened and committed to making sure that it never happens again.
AA was a big help to me in making those changes. I encourage you to give it a shot.
no two ways about it.
But when we reach a point like this, it is an opportunity to rise above this low place.
You need to work on letting go of that shame. It's ok to feel remorse. It's ok to say you're sorry. It's ok to FEEL ashamed..... yet shame is a fantastic fuel for further alcohol abuse.
Recognize that it was because of your alcohol abuse that this happened. You can avoid this in future by making another choice of the path you'll take in life and that choice can begin TODAY.
Make amends for what happened - that may take time and it may take a while before you can even approach that. In the meantime, shame will only get you more self-loathing and pity and darkness and a tendency to succumb to the drink.
There is no shame in the fact that you have a reaction to a toxic substance which causes you to behave in ways that are utterly NOT your nature. It's not your FAULT.... it is now your responsibility to make another choice if you truly are ready to avoid being taken down to these depths again. You know what causes it and you are now empowered to take action and change that.
Now is a time to turn to resolve and empowerment, let go of shame. Shame will not heal you. Shame will not help repair your relationship with your brother.
What WILL heal you and your relationship is making change and demonstrating that you are learning and growing from what happened and committed to making sure that it never happens again.
AA was a big help to me in making those changes. I encourage you to give it a shot.
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