Twas the night before school
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
Posts: 1,736
Twas the night before school
Kids are showered, in bed and attempting to fall asleep. Clothes are ironed for the week (including my own), lunches are packed for tomorrow (including my own), the house is straightened up, laundry has been done, folded and put away. Basically I'm all squared away for the first week of school. That's something I never would have been able to do drunk. I would've said, "Oh I'll just get up early in the morning and get all of my stuff done then." Then I would've slept until the last possible minute and rushed around like a chicken with my head cut off screaming, ranting and raving at everyone in my path (all the while trying not to puke and chugging aspirin for my pounding headache, water for my unbelievable dehydration and a Xanax for my racing heartbeat). Not a good way to start off the school year, huh? Astonishingly I've done it in some capacity or another for the past 8 years. How? I'm not quite sure. Why? Because I'm an alcoholic.
So with all of the things mentioned above accomplished tonight and with 10 glorious days of sobriety behind me guess who's come sniffing around? My stupid AV spewing its awful excuses as to why I deserve to kick my feet up, pour myself a glass of wine and relax. My guard is up though and I told it to get the hell out of here. Not tonight, no way. It's still there though in the back of my mind with its quiet murmur. Telling me no one will know since hubby is out of town, kids are down and it's just the 2 of us now - just two old friends catching up.
There is no alcohol in the house and no possible chance I am drinking tonight. I just wanted to come on here and post that the AV has been here. It didn't want me to. It wanted me to keep it a secret like I always have. I don't believe I've ever come here to talk about temptation first. I've always acted and come crawling back after a slip or relapse. Tonight I have chosen instead to expose my AV - shine a light so bright on it so that it has no choice but to scurry away, frighted by the army I have standing beside and behind me!
I saw something on the 24 hour thread this a.m. that has been a game changer for me this time around. No longer am I clinging to abstinence. I'm instead choosing to embrace sobriety and all of the positives it's bringing to my life.
Grateful to be here tonight. Fully present, aware of what's going on and feeling good about where I'm at. Mainly though I'm grateful to be able to tell my AV, "NO" in no uncertain terms. Don't need ya! Don't want ya! Buh-bye!
So with all of the things mentioned above accomplished tonight and with 10 glorious days of sobriety behind me guess who's come sniffing around? My stupid AV spewing its awful excuses as to why I deserve to kick my feet up, pour myself a glass of wine and relax. My guard is up though and I told it to get the hell out of here. Not tonight, no way. It's still there though in the back of my mind with its quiet murmur. Telling me no one will know since hubby is out of town, kids are down and it's just the 2 of us now - just two old friends catching up.
There is no alcohol in the house and no possible chance I am drinking tonight. I just wanted to come on here and post that the AV has been here. It didn't want me to. It wanted me to keep it a secret like I always have. I don't believe I've ever come here to talk about temptation first. I've always acted and come crawling back after a slip or relapse. Tonight I have chosen instead to expose my AV - shine a light so bright on it so that it has no choice but to scurry away, frighted by the army I have standing beside and behind me!
I saw something on the 24 hour thread this a.m. that has been a game changer for me this time around. No longer am I clinging to abstinence. I'm instead choosing to embrace sobriety and all of the positives it's bringing to my life.
Grateful to be here tonight. Fully present, aware of what's going on and feeling good about where I'm at. Mainly though I'm grateful to be able to tell my AV, "NO" in no uncertain terms. Don't need ya! Don't want ya! Buh-bye!
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Think of how great it will feel to go through the morning routine without a hangover! You are reminding me tonight of why I don't want to drink and I thank you for that. I can relate to the sleeping in til the last possible minute. Even my morning driving would be kind of erratic because I was.....
a)ridden with anxiety
b)accelerated heart rate
c) sweaty
d)splitting headache
e)LATE of course but only late enough to where a handful of redl lights would decide my fate of being JUST on time or late
f)chugging water if I remembered my 2 L water bottle
g)angry at the word
h)wondering how I would possibly get through the day
i)sense of impending doom
j)on really rough mornings, I could still taste the squirt or whatever mixer I used when I would hiccup. YUCK!!!!
Mornings with a hangover are quite possibly the worst, most terrible, horrible, dreadful, nasty, disgusting thing in the world. And that's only the first hour!
Thank you, thank you for this reminder of why I am not going to drink tonight.
a)ridden with anxiety
b)accelerated heart rate
c) sweaty
d)splitting headache
e)LATE of course but only late enough to where a handful of redl lights would decide my fate of being JUST on time or late
f)chugging water if I remembered my 2 L water bottle
g)angry at the word
h)wondering how I would possibly get through the day
i)sense of impending doom
j)on really rough mornings, I could still taste the squirt or whatever mixer I used when I would hiccup. YUCK!!!!
Mornings with a hangover are quite possibly the worst, most terrible, horrible, dreadful, nasty, disgusting thing in the world. And that's only the first hour!
Thank you, thank you for this reminder of why I am not going to drink tonight.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
HeartsAfire I think that's an awesome achievement for ten days in! Good for you. You deserve a reward and, as you said, that AV is not about reward. Since you aren't spending money on booze anymore what about buying yourself a bunch of flowers?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: in the city by the bay
Posts: 605
Oh no you don't want to drink! I was woken up last night by this earthquake - couldn't get back to sleep. It reminded me of when I drank, I almost always woke up around 3-4am unable to fall asleep. Then I would and have to wake in an hour or two. I hated it! 
and I was such a witch!
Today I wanted to just sort through my son's clothes but as my husband gets mad when he sees me here - I have extra time on my hands and I went through everything! I've been saying I was going to do this for years! Well, I finally did and was surprised how many things he had, like clothes that didn't fit and toys he hadn't played with for years. I also finally cleared out his bathroom drawers for him. It became his room 6.5 years ago, It was a guest room and the bathroom was full of stuff that didn't belong there. It's his own private bathroom.
I want to get through my older daughters room tomorrow. My kids are all back at school on Tuesday.
Guess with my SR semi-banishment I will get my house clean and tidy.
I will also start up with the gym and yoga once the kids are occupied.
Good job with your new life!
and I was such a witch!Today I wanted to just sort through my son's clothes but as my husband gets mad when he sees me here - I have extra time on my hands and I went through everything! I've been saying I was going to do this for years! Well, I finally did and was surprised how many things he had, like clothes that didn't fit and toys he hadn't played with for years. I also finally cleared out his bathroom drawers for him. It became his room 6.5 years ago, It was a guest room and the bathroom was full of stuff that didn't belong there. It's his own private bathroom.
I want to get through my older daughters room tomorrow. My kids are all back at school on Tuesday.
Guess with my SR semi-banishment I will get my house clean and tidy.
I will also start up with the gym and yoga once the kids are occupied.
Good job with your new life!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Flevoland
Posts: 103
Thank you for posting. Your words really hit home for me. I was gradually becoming a worse and worse alcoholic through my childrens grade school years. It wasn't until my son was in 5th grade that I was really present and sober. I feel extreme guilt as I just can't remember anything.
Congrats on pulling yourself together. =) This morning I am happy to be 14 days sober and everyone is prepared for school today.
Congrats on pulling yourself together. =) This morning I am happy to be 14 days sober and everyone is prepared for school today.
I'm Wide Awake
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 766
Congratulations and hope today is a good one for your kids (and for you). I just put my 9th grader and 6th grader on separate buses and am not sure who was more nervous. Just think, next summer, we'll be able to say we did a whole school year sober and present for our kids!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: in the city by the bay
Posts: 605
Originally Posted by SuperMega 
Thank you for posting. Your words really hit home for me. I was gradually becoming a worse and worse alcoholic through my childrens grade school years. It wasn't until my son was in 5th grade that I was really present and sober. I feel extreme guilt as I just can't remember anything.
Congrats on pulling yourself together. =) This morning I am happy to be 14 days sober and everyone is prepared for school today.
Congrats on pulling yourself together. =) This morning I am happy to be 14 days sober and everyone is prepared for school today.
It feels weird to not only be able to deal with things but be able to easily deal with things.
Good luck to all the sober moms and dads out there. It's such a hard job but to be present in our kids lives is amazing. It's an amazing feeling.
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