guilty
 

I can't shake the guilt I feel. I feel guilty for being like this. I feel guilty for being this kind of mother to my kids. Today has been draining. I worked today. So I got up and left my kids. i always get intense anxiety when I say I am going to quit drinking because fear if failure. So I had anxiety about leaving my kids as I missed them and wanted them close today. Today was emotionally draining. I came home and immediately hugged my babies. But from being so exhausted, I am now retreated to bathtub while my kids play outside because I need to retreat. Again, the guilt is starting to taking over because I feel I should be with them. I am just a bag of guilt. Can someone please help me? Give me advice. Does the guilt go away?

I think that drinking has created additional anxiety. I'm feeling the same way today and don't have kids, but can't shake this guilt of caving this weekend. It will take a few days to subside. I wish I got these feelings before I decided to drink. I don't know how I didn't realize at the time that starting day 1 again feels like an epic fail and all the anxiety and dread that comes with it.
I think you are doing well retreating for a bit. Feel better and keep posting.

Not if you drink.

You can't undo the past. The only way the guilty can atone is to make the future different than the past. What can you do to make the future different than the past? Put your energy into that. Sitting around being ate up with guilt is unproductive.

You can do this. :ring

We can't change what we've done in the past, we can only rewrite the future, we can be the people we want to be, whether that's a mother, friend, brother, work colleague, it's in our hands and we get to write a new chapter in our lives!!

I found time is a great healer, the more time I put between the way life used to be and the way life is now, it's helped me to forgive myself and make peace with myself, knowing that I'm doing my best each and every day to be a better person through Sobriety!!

Continue to make the necessary changes in your life and become the mother you want to be and the mother your kids deserve to have!! :)

The longer you go without drinking, the less need you will have to retreat. I am finding myself more engaged with other people than I have been in years- and it is not draining me like it used to. It's actually enjoyable and gives me energy.

My guilt was horrible, also. I had to let go of it and forgive myself, we can only go forward, right? For now, you need to do whatever you can to stay sober, but soon you will find that you WANT to be around your loved ones more. I was astonished at this development!

Forgive yourself. You are making a wonderful decision to be the best parent you can be. What's better than that?

I feel so weak. I am so mad at myself. My kids deserve better than this.

Drinking for me was associated with a deep shame that does not go away overnight. I now have self respect and rarely feel that anxiety associated with failure, etc

I don't know about your situation but a strong sense of failure and a feeling of having let loved ones down can be a sign of depression

Take comfort in the fact that you've identified what's hurting you and are taking positive steps to recover. I'm newly sober myself, and I can feel my throat tighten when I reflect on the heinous things I did to my friends and family when overcome with my addiction. It hurts at first, but the hurt becomes more manageable with some time. I've gone back and forth in the past few years, and when I start drinking again my problems get worse and my shame intensifies. This time I'm just tired of lying to myself. The previous times I would always convince myself that I was going to stop once I got a new job or moved to a different city. I'd have a few days of sobriety, then I'd binge again. The binges just got worse and worse. Stopping now is the best thing you can do. Even if you haven't had one of those drastic bottoms. Just think of how your kids would feel if you did. Be well!

For me drink + children + responsibilities = anxiety, guilt, sadness and depression.

If drink stopped me doing my job properly or interacting with my child, I felt horrendous. That was both physically and mentally.

After a few weeks of not drinking, those feelings went away.
If I needed some time out for me, I also felt better about taking it when I was tired from work or looking after my child. Needing time out because I was hungover, seemed selfish and underserving.

You can't change the past, as much as you may like to.
But you can make every moment count in the future if you want to.

For me that was staying away from that first drink no matter what. If I had that first drink, then I could not trust myself to keep away from the drinks that would follow.

I wish you the best xx

Serenity,
If you stop drinking, the guilt will get immeasurably better. And your kids won't remember how you used to be. They are young, and the new you will eclipse the drinker.
Keep doing what you are doing. Take time for yourself so you can be a good mommy to them. Soon you won't need to retreat nearly as much to recharge. I promise.

These are very normal feelings in very early sobriety. You're still in the fog of alcohol at the moment. It was take some time for your head to clear but a lot of the guilt will dissipate. Some of it may last for a while but it gets better. You can't change what's done, you know what. But you can decide to never do it again.

Drinking only makes that guilt and shame magnified. Getting some sober time will give your body a chance to get ride of alcohol and heal. Understand a lot of your emotions in early sobriety are the reeling effects of a chemical imbalance. I always hated that first few weeks (months) when I came back after relapses. Somehow before the relapse I failed to recall the pain and suffering of my last drunk. It's hard for newcomers to get enough physical sobriety so their emotional and mental sobriety can sink in. Be kind to yourself always, but especially in early sobriety.

I am also a mother so I really understand this. You can't take care of the kids if you don't take care of yourself. Retreating to take a relaxing soak in the tub is nothing to feel guilty about. It is a far healthier way to cope than retreating to a bottle.

I am only on my 9th day sober but for the first 5 days, I only left the house to go to AA. Spent the rest of the time on the couch watching tv. This weekend I was able to do things with my family but I needed that time to work on just me. Being sober is a work in progress and from what I am reading here, it does get better.

we could look at a guilty conscience as a gift
for some don't have one

it is all about what we do or do not do

if we keep doing the right things our consciences will get better

no healing for a one with a healthy conscience
if we keep doing the wrong things

MM

Serenity85, somehow channel that guilt in a positive direction for the better good of you and your kids, rootin for ya. :egypt:
https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/i...wkWu6BCbEAB61W

Guilt was a killer for me. The longer I went without a drink the more it lessened however, so, in my case, it did go away for the most part x