I am back and I am sorry I let you all down.
 

I am back and this time its for real. I feel like a failure and I feel like I let you all down. However, after a summer long bender I am done with alcohol. Last night my husband and I alnost ended our marriage because we were both drinking and overreacting. That was my last drink. My kids deserve better. My husban deserves better. I deserve better. I am just so afraid to know the person who I am without alcohol. I have no idea who I am. Alcohol has defined me for 10 years. I am afraid. What if my husband doesnt like who I am? Anyways, I am sorry everyone for wasting your time before but i am back and ready to be sober.

Welcome back! Born in '85? You're young! Plenty of time to turn this around. Time to start now!

Hi Serenity. I look forward to reading your posts. I have been struggling with alcohol for years.

Its Day 4 for me. One day at a time

And don't be sorry for letting anyone down.At least you are trying again. that's really positive

I'm picking out the part where you say, what if my husband doesnt like me. I can't believe you were drinking the entire time of your courtship and marriage. HE loves you. You will be a better wife/mom sober. And also, like you said, you deserve it. You will be thrilled at what a great mother you will be, its one of the things that keeps me sober. Also, if he doesn't love all your sober changes, you will deal with that later and sober.

Welcome back, Serenity. The only failure is in giving up.

The fear of sobriety you describe is pretty common. Irrational, but common. I mean - drinking almost ended your marriage last night and you're worried your husband might not like you sober. Do you see the lack of logic in that fear?

Congratulations on your decision to live a sober life. You're gonna love it. 3 or 4 months from now you are going to look back at your post and realize alcohol put all those fears in your head, and they were totally baseless.

You can do this. :ring

Serenity that's a good decision, there is nothing to be fearful of. You said yourself that you and your husband had a close call because of drinking, your marriage can only get stronger by cutting out drinking. Make a plan to keep this good decision in place.

Welcome back! Glad you're here, trying again. Best wishes.

Congratulations with some of your insight. We have to get sober for ourselves FIRST. So many times I was in depression because of the lost promises made to others when I needed the help.
Then I heard that “if I don’t pick up the first drink you won’t have to TRY to get sober AGAIN.” Made sense to me, that along with work I haven’t had a drink in many years.
I needed to be honest with myself about my drinking and where it led me, then I needed to accept the fact I cannot drink in safety.
It’s that simple!

BE WELL

Thank you everyone for the support. I feel embarassed, a failre, a loser, I feel my kids will be embarassed by me... I feel my husband is embarassed by me. That is how I know now is the time. Today is the day. My husband feels its okay to drink so I know he will continue to do so so it will be so hard to quit while its still around me, but I havr no choice. To be a better person and for my own health, I need to get sober. I will not fail this time. Thank you again.

welcome
Like Non said with time, and probably sooner than you think, you will be able look back see how your thinking was being affected by drinking. And you never have to feel like you do nw, again.
wish you well and hope to see you around

Hi Serentity! I am glad to see you again. You are doing the right thing.

Yes, giving up drinking while your husband still drinks can be tough. But if you make this about YOU and not anyone else, you will succeed. Just like if you were allergic to pretzels and that was his favorite snack, you still wouldn't eat them. Consider yourself allergic to alcohol.

Congratulations on your first day. You can do this.

Your kids and husband would be (and probably are) far more embarrassed to have a drunk as a mother/wife than one with a goal to be sober. Kids are a lot smarter than we estimate. You are absolutely making a positive choice that can only have positive impacts on your life.

well done on having another go, when i look back at a time in life were me and my ex wife were at one time our fights in early years of drinking were just plain stupid stuff, until the drink took hold of us and are fights would end up lunatic behaviours were the police would be called out to us, the nighbours were getting sick of us and the kids were getting sick of us
the police came out than many times that the social workers got involved
still we tried and failed to get off the drink and finaly they took our 2 small kids away to foster care
it was a mad down hill spirial that we couldnt stop no matter how hard we tried

in the end i ended up on my own with nothing left but drink and it progressed to 24/7 daily drinking as i lost everything

so lets hope this time you can really give it a good go and its not going to be easy if one partner is drinking and the other isnt
only when i ended up on my own did i ever really have a chance for me to find my feet again
when i did finaly get sober and stay sober i got my kids back again out of care and my older kids returned to me as well
sadly my ex wife is still out there in the mad world of drinking but i can not do anything for her only she can do it herself
good luck to you and well done

You may have let yourself down, but I would wager most people on this site are just happy to see you come back. Lots of people don't.

I can relate to the "letting myself down" thing. I've done that a lot.

Exactly, alcohol instills the fear of never drinking again inside of us, it is the addiction that does that. The easy way to tell is think back before your first drink and ask yourself if you were afraid of a life without ever drinking alcohol? Of course not, those thoughts would have been nonsensical before the first drink. But when we are in the midst of the addiction, that is what the drug does to our brain, convinces us we cannot live without it.

I've been back many times myself. We gotta just keep trying. Welcome back and please be easy on yourself.

You can do this. Focus on yourself and staying sober. Do you have a plan for recovery? I hope that you will continue to read and post here.

Takes guts and I've never met you I am new to the site so that helps me

Keep trying hang in there and let the magic happen

Good luck