Should be getting my 90 day coin ....
 

but I drank last night. And I didn't just drink ... I drank to get loaded. What in the heck did I think I was missing??? The shame and guilt? The disappointment in myself? The hangover? The embarrassment? Really??? Wow, the insanity of it all. I called my sponsor and confessed and she didn't freak out and dump me like a hot potato (like I thought she would). I need to get back up, dust myself off and make some serious changes to my program of recovery. Whatever it takes, I must do ... if not I will drink myself to death out there. And I will loath myself every single minute. Back to daily meetings and working through the steps (I know ... not everyone's choice of recovery, but mine). I have to rediscover my peace and serenity and hold on to it for dear life.

:scorebad

That's great that you called your sponsor and was honest with her. And that's great that you stopped the drinking before it turned into days or weeks. You can do this, hokey! You almost reached 90 days and you drank, so what can you do different this time? Even if it's becoming more self-aware or deepening your honesty with yourself, I think that's a great start. And please don't beat yourself up about this. Yes, take it seriously, but use it to help strengthen your resolve to move forward in your sobriety! I've recently (27 days ago) relapsed too, but I have faith in me and I certainly have faith in you, hokey!

You can do this Hokey. I got my five month chip and decided to have a drink. No reason at all. Curiosity I guess.

That drink lasted four years and here I am now. Onwards and upwards.

Hokey, I slipped around the 90 day mark last October. It's not a good feeling.

Sounds like your sponsor is going to help you out. It might be the turning point you need to realise it's not just about keeping sober - it's about dealing with life's ups and downs and not letting alcohol trick us back to where we were.

Big hugs.

You can do this Holly!! :grouphug:

Sorry you're struggling, but I LOVE the conviction in your post.

You can do this!

Hang in there you can do it

I slipped after 18 days in a 3 month period

I am nearly 14 months sober

Rooting for you

Thanks everyone, your words of support mean so much to me! Still dusting myself off and trying not to beat myself up. I keep asking myself why I did this, why I picked up the very thing that I know I cannot and should not. Why? Because I am an alcoholic ... that's why. The monster in my head won that battle, but the war is far from over. Every success and every failure teaches me something and strengthens my resolve. Time to clean up the mess in my head and move on.

hokey huh? could this be you?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JMuCypg0rY

I'm so sorry, Holly, but I really admire the way you're dealing with this. You're showing real character, courage and conviction. You so deserve a sober life, my friend :hug:

Holly, you have to move on, that's it. :) I'm sorry you feel down, but you've learned and now you can keep moving forward.