husband is getting worse
 

Hi
Haven't written in a while as we were going thru a remolding process and now it seems to be in order~My husbands drinking has not improved at all. Matter of fact it has been getting worse.He drinks whiskey straight. He generally drinks it as if it was a cold beer.Hides all over the place. Puts it in empty pop bottles so he can secretly hide them. He doesn't mix it with anything. It is to the point that once he starts and drinks he does not quit. It generally starts on wed or Thursday night and he will be drunk from Friday night until Sunday night and usually 3 nights during the week. He will make it to work but does take a bottle with him and hide it in the ditch to make sure he has some prior to coming home. On the weekends he generally starts right away in the morning then he will sleep for a couple of hours and go outside and drink some more then sleep for a couple of hours and then drink and then sleep at least 12 hours at night. That is pretty much how every weekend has gone for the last 3 years. He is a closet alcoholic. I have made several attempts at telling him he needs help but he always says he can quit. He is full of lies all the time. The dr has given him some medication that is suppose to help me cure the urge to drink but I don't believe they work because he doesn't take them. I struggle everyday with this. The only time I am happy is when I know he is at work and he can't drink during work. I am scared to leave and I am threatened by him that if I tell anyone he will divorce me.
Don't know what to do! Scared to talk to the kids as they don't really seem to think that it's a big deal! Kids are grown and gone and have families of their own. Did send him to rehab for 2 days last year and he stated that was the best thing I ever did. That lasted for 2 days. Help!!!!!!!!!!SAD all the time.

Hi, Really sorry to hear of this situation you find yourself in, people who think drinking only effects the abuser are way wrong, someones drinking pattern when it gets out of control effects everyone in their life to some degree and more importantly the significant others.

I truly hope he comes to his senses sooner rather than later and if he cannot take the doctors advice on board it makes it all the harder for you unfortunately.

We are all here for you, take care.

Al-Anon can provide some real concrete answers and tools for
you to deal with your situation. Try to find some meetings nearby.
You don't have to live this way. You do have choices.

Why are you afraid to leave him? Has he been violent in the past?

He has never been violent. Afraid to leave because of 37 years of marriage and love is blind. I do not like his drunk side but his sober side is loving. I pray every day for cure but it just doesn't seem to be enough. My husband always says"thru sickness and health" from our wedding vows which I truly believe in but my body is tried of the "sickness"
Thanks for your concerns. I do appreciate them!

The important thing is to seek support for yourself, as already mentioned Al-anon is a great place!!

Don't let his threats put you off talking to someone, his drinking is making you miserable and at the end of the day you have a right to be happy in this life!!

You don't have to divorce in order to change things in your life.

I lived apart from my ex for quite some time and when things didn't change I knew it was time to divorce. I didn't make the decision without counsel from others, and I knew at that time it was the right thing to do. I have no regrets.

It is a process, and you can take it as slowly or as quickly as you are ready to do so. I had to go - I was sick myself over it.

When he says in sickness and in health and agree with him

Then when he is sober and shows that loving side ask him to seek help for himself say I stayed thru sickness no more of that I want to stay through your health now and the only way to stay healthy is to at first stay sober

If it continues I fear for the outcome enabling and god knows what else

Also al anon is a beautiful thing my gf started going before i got sober and it enraged me it was like she was addressing my problem for me somehow it was lil things like that.. That made me realise how lost I actually was

Thank the stars for my gf as i couldn't have stayed sober without her help love and support in the beginning Iget to hear her snore at night when she's asleep

She is an angel

If you do not wish to leave, you will have to work on accepting him the way he is. Obviously I understand your desire for him to quit drinking, but the reality is..he is in complete control of that decision. Your choices..what is in your control..is only staying..and leaving. Al-anon will provide you with the support YOU need in dealing with whatever decision you come to.

If you decide to stay, you need to accept you are living with something you cannot control. Do your best to shield yourself from his behaviour when he is drinking. Do not engage with him when he is drinking. Don't get him to bed. Don't call in sick for him to his employers. Leave him be.

It will do you a world of good to find others in a similar position to you.

I thought about the "in sickness and in health" thing also. I really don't think God meant for people to put up with all these chosen sicknesses. It is a lot different than if they get cancer or are in some type of accident and get paralyzed or something.

That's only my opinion though. I know everyone has their own views. I hope I didn't offend anyone.

Social Security also does not view drugs/alcohol as a disability. Years ago they did,but have changed it.

37 years of marriage is a milestone. I have 17yrs of marriage and it's what keeps me staying. I know this is so very hard for you. It's easy to view them as the same person they were all these years through the good times.

Even though in my marriage we have had just as much bad times as good due to drugs. When things are going o.k. I tend to forget about all the bad stuff. When something comes up with my dh over his use I get stuck on every bad time in my head.

It's an emotional roller coaster.

Him telling you.you better not tell anyone is something that might be able to get some sense into him about his drinking.

I would tell him you are going to tell everybody. They need to know the truth.

sadathome, I see you've been with SR since March of this year. Have you had a chance to check out the Friends and Family of Alcoholics section of the forum? It's here Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I think if you head over there, you'll read a lot of stories that sound familiar to you. Everyone there has been in your shoes and understands how it is. You might find that section to be especially helpful.

This thread might be useful for you, too: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

As others have said, you do have choices. You are not a hostage to your A's illness. Reading and posting here at SR and attending Alanon meetings can help you see your path to a better life. I hope you visit often.

Wishing you strength and clarity.

Whether or not you leave, you can focus on taking care of yourself. Allow your husband to stop drinking if he decides to, but in the meantime, you could attend AlAnon and also check out Friends & Families forum on this board.