Why did you drink?
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
Anxiety, low self-esteem, depression... mostly due to having a very abusive father and growing up in a violent home environment. That first buzz felt very liberating because it seemed all my anxiety, inhibitions, and low self-confidence just melted away. I honestly think I spent 26 years trying to get that feeling back again but the more I drank, the more elusive it became. It was hollow all along. Artificial.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: in the city by the bay
Posts: 605
I drank, two periods - 2.5 years and 4.5 years - after the birth of a baby and having postpartum depression.
I had postpartum depression after my first child was born but went on meds. My husband treated me like a loser (and his mother), the doctor said no more breastfeeding. My husband said our child would not be as smart because of that, that he would have a lower IQ. Well, son is in the gifted program and has earned straight-As in 2 years at middle school. He'll still say he could have been smarter because he's an ass. He's my ex for a reason.
Anyhow, I was scared to medicate with baby 2. Baby 3 was with my new husband, he would have supported me going on meds but I felt like I could handle the PPD.
The feelings of being in a tunnel and not being able to breath were unbearable.
I had postpartum depression after my first child was born but went on meds. My husband treated me like a loser (and his mother), the doctor said no more breastfeeding. My husband said our child would not be as smart because of that, that he would have a lower IQ. Well, son is in the gifted program and has earned straight-As in 2 years at middle school. He'll still say he could have been smarter because he's an ass. He's my ex for a reason.
Anyhow, I was scared to medicate with baby 2. Baby 3 was with my new husband, he would have supported me going on meds but I felt like I could handle the PPD.
The feelings of being in a tunnel and not being able to breath were unbearable.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: in the city by the bay
Posts: 605
...that said, I didn't think I would make it through July. As my kids went off to 2 weeks of camp I promised them mom wouldn't drink. As the bus pulled away I remember thinking to myself, how will I do that? They were coming back July 30th. I thought if I can just make it through July, hence soberjuly.
I'm still working on it, the periods I used to drink, but now I am looking at Sept and I no longer feel it is impossible to live alcohol free.
I'm still working on it, the periods I used to drink, but now I am looking at Sept and I no longer feel it is impossible to live alcohol free.
Because I liked the warm, fuzzy feeling. Basically been drinking since childhood. The wild, Wild West, you know. I liked the way it helped with my shyness and at the time I thought it made me more creative. Interesting how all that changes with progression.
Any reason I could think of. Straight A's, honors grad, family function, wedding, lost a job, got a job, bad date, good date, sick, well, bad workout, lost a race, won a race, break-up, it rained, it snowed, its sunny out, blue, black, red, orange, etc.
For the last nine months before my liver gave out, I drank because I just didn't care anymore. Bad break-up and crap job. No self-worth. I knew I was probably dying, didn't care about that either.
But, I'm still here, and now Sober. I know it wasn't my time to go, and that's enough for me to live.
~Bunnez
For the last nine months before my liver gave out, I drank because I just didn't care anymore. Bad break-up and crap job. No self-worth. I knew I was probably dying, didn't care about that either.
But, I'm still here, and now Sober. I know it wasn't my time to go, and that's enough for me to live.
~Bunnez
Bitterness, childhood(lack there of), lots of built up anger growing up, depression. Basically created a bomb and once I started drinking I wouldn't stop. Started really drinking heavy in my mid 20s. I'm 34 now, but drinking sure has brought me a ton of heartache and trouble.
I don't remember the 1st time I drank, but do remember quite a bit of the early times. it was the effect: my mind was no longer racing, my selfl esteem rose some and I felt good about myself.
many years later I crossed the line into full blown alcoholism. I couldn't not drink. and I drank because im an alcoholic.
many years later I crossed the line into full blown alcoholism. I couldn't not drink. and I drank because im an alcoholic.
For me it was simple, I liked the way alcohol made me feel. I don't use AA, but the AA Big Book describes very well why I drank: ". . . drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good." BB p. 151
I didn't drink because I was depressed, or because of anxiety, or because of low self-esteem or because of things that happened in my childhood, I drank because I enjoyed it and because alcohol was a nice elixir that supplemented my life and made me feel relaxed and even happier than I already was.
But eventually, I could no longer control my drinking, and the consequences of not controlling my drinking made me anything but happy.
I didn't drink because I was depressed, or because of anxiety, or because of low self-esteem or because of things that happened in my childhood, I drank because I enjoyed it and because alcohol was a nice elixir that supplemented my life and made me feel relaxed and even happier than I already was.
But eventually, I could no longer control my drinking, and the consequences of not controlling my drinking made me anything but happy.
Started drinking because I honestly liked the stuff. Then it became a social crutch, a way to pass the time, meet people and such. Then I drank to drown the pain of some failures and the pain of being lonely. It became a stress reliever, it became a habit. Then like some have said, why didn't I drink? I could get drunk just because it was hot, cold, I was bored... because I wanted to.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,819
I drank because I received pleasure from being drunk, like really drunk and lots of pleasure, that's why I had to quit.
I had lots of rationalizations and reasons/causes of my drinking while active. But it was ultimately liking being drunk.
I had lots of rationalizations and reasons/causes of my drinking while active. But it was ultimately liking being drunk.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 219
It is hard to know exactly why. I used to only drink on weekends and all week every time anything went wrong I'd think, "Can't wait to drink this away soon". I didn't know how I'd live without alcohol and yet I was sober and living without alcohol most the time.
Where did the lie come from, that alcohol would help with certain stuff it wasn't helping at all, and why is it so hard for alcohol addicts to get that lie out of their heads? That's what I can't understand.
Where did the lie come from, that alcohol would help with certain stuff it wasn't helping at all, and why is it so hard for alcohol addicts to get that lie out of their heads? That's what I can't understand.
I loved to drink. I loved to be drunk, crazy, "free," insane...
I started late, at 17, for I've been a wunderkind growing up with dangerous guys that were protecting me from all sort of vices, but once I was given my first beer, a cold, nice beer on a hot August day like today, I had them 12. My first became 12 and I've become an alcoholic that very day.
I did not stop for decades.
I started late, at 17, for I've been a wunderkind growing up with dangerous guys that were protecting me from all sort of vices, but once I was given my first beer, a cold, nice beer on a hot August day like today, I had them 12. My first became 12 and I've become an alcoholic that very day.
I did not stop for decades.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Hampshire, UK
Posts: 53
I drunk when I was allowed to - on my 18th birthday. I'd already been through some difficult life experiences and i never did handle them - drink meant I didn't have to. I very seldom intended to drunk, it always just happened, right from the off, I didn't have a stop button.
It used to be just weekends, just holidays, just socialising, though I couldn't stop once I started, I could choose when to start, and eventually (about 10 years later) choose when not to as I recognised my patterns. It was a limited control, but enough for me to function. Another 10 years has passed and I had somehow forgotten about choosing not to start. Then came the physical symptoms in stopping. And the glaring truth in why that is.
How did this happen? Time, money, pts, divorce, opportunity, socially, stress, boredom, loneliness, sleep aid, depression, I never looked into another way to cope - i didn't have to when I had a bottle by my side.
It used to be just weekends, just holidays, just socialising, though I couldn't stop once I started, I could choose when to start, and eventually (about 10 years later) choose when not to as I recognised my patterns. It was a limited control, but enough for me to function. Another 10 years has passed and I had somehow forgotten about choosing not to start. Then came the physical symptoms in stopping. And the glaring truth in why that is.
How did this happen? Time, money, pts, divorce, opportunity, socially, stress, boredom, loneliness, sleep aid, depression, I never looked into another way to cope - i didn't have to when I had a bottle by my side.
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