Day 3 off heroin - demons
 

Hi all,

I've been on here before, each time I try and come off I get sucked back in and life in General gets worse. For about the 5th time this year I've managed 3 days off heroin thanks to lots of subs, Xanax, codeine Etc. Even with 32mgs of suboxone on weds I couldn't get out of bed all day. Been addicted to heroin for about 3 years now. I always seem to get to day 4 or 5, I don't feel too bad (just had another sub) but the wolves are howling in my mind. I've already forgotten how bad the last 2 days have been (I still look and feel like **** but I'm used to that) I can feel myself mentally committing to use tomorrow morning. I'm visualising scoring, the warm feeling when i use, none of the bad **** like the state of my relationships, work, life generally. Sick of getting to day 4 or 5 and cracking. Cos another cycle of insanity will begin, not able to go to work till I've smoked $300 worth of gear, feeling sick if I don't, walking around in la la land when I do. I hate being an addict. I've always had problems with drink/drugs but it's never ****** my life quite up like this has. I'm 40 next year and it scares and depresses me when I look at life. **** me is it all worth this????

Hi RedManc7 - you might want to post this in the substance abuse forum as most of the peeps in this forum are alcoholics. I wish I had advice but I have no experience beyond my alcohol abuse. :(

Thanks - my head isn't right wasn't looking what I was doing :-(

Well, no, it does say substance abusers should start in the "Newcomers to Recovery" forum, it doesn't specify just alcoholism but I think most of the people on this site have solely alcohol problems, so they wouldn't know how to help. I don't know how to help. I also was going to bed and saw that there were 2 posts referring to substance abuse that hadn't been responded to and wanted to give you a heads up so maybe someone can help you. I wish you well! :)

Appreciate it, I know no one can help me In reality, just was really close to calling my dealer & getting on and just needed to do something that wasn't that. Hence the rambling inanities I posted above. Sleep well :-)

Keep posting here if you want to. This is a pretty active part of the forum, so if posting here and talking will keep your from calling your dealer, please do. I am an alcoholic but I can imagine there are similarities in our addictive behaviors. I don't know about heroin withdrawal but have a friend who has been through it and he told me that he broke the day up into small periods. I do this with alcohol too. He found mealtimes were good points of reference for him. So he would say "I will not use before lunch" and then he would have lunch and after that say "ok, now I won't use until dinner" and get to dinner, after that he would go until he went to bed.
Good luck to you and feel free to post here or on the SA board as much as you need to.

I can't even imagine how you feel, but I hope you will overcome the hunger and pain. Please stay strong.

Hello RedManc7!

First of all, i am an alcohol addict, and by no means i assume that our drugs of choice are alike. I just want to share with you my story.

During all last year, i tried to get sober continuously. Basically, i started on monday, to have time during Sat and Sun to have my "last drink".
Always started with a strong mindset, that lasted until around 4 or 5 pm, when i got out of work.
Sometimes i managed to put together 2 or 3 days. Because i used to drink everyday, to me it seemed like a huge accomplishment that needs to be celebrated. Other times i felt that 3 days of sobriety cured me and i can drink "just today" with no remorse.

After half year, i could do 10 or 12 days, then the inevitable relapse. The obsessive thoughts in my head were peaking as i was leaving work early, buying alcohol at the nearest store and drinking it in a back alley with my breath shortened and my brain melted. At 6 PM i was blackout brunk, passed out until 11 PM, drink more, blackout again till 6 AM.
As numb as i was, even I got scared about this behaviour. So, in march, after another bad relapse, i said, THAT'S IT! I's rather die than go trough all this again!
Since then, i had numerous bad days, foggy brain, awful feeling, depression, unable to do anything or think clearly. But i didn't cave in. Because not even the worst day can't compare to any day when i was trapped in the circle.

What i wanted to say to you with all this rambling. Break the circle!! It maybe took me a year to understand it, but you can do it today!

You don't get to feel better because you stop exactly when it's the worst. When the withdrawals are at peak, you use and "reset the counter". If you wait 4 more days (as hard as may seem to be), you will see that it gets better and better!

Good luck and be strong!!

Better you ramble here than meet your dealer. That is what this place is about. I was rambling non-stop when I first came here. I'm still here perhaps too much but it's better than sitting and drinking booze all day. :)

Welcome back RedManc7!!

Hang in there, you'll find loads of support here to get you through!! :)

i'm in the same boat, and the misery I feel right now is beyond description, furthermore I work in public sector and am too afraid to face people, my confidence is so low and I want to use worse than ever before, but something is telling me to stay the course of sobriety, hopefully I will listen....

RedManc - how about a meeting? AA or NA? If you have access to Kindle try In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, by Gabor Mate. I think you will be able to relate quite well. A Million Little Pieces is a good read too.