Perseus

Hello.

I am an opiate addict. Oxy is DOC. I was a recreational user for a few years and experienced some withdrawal after longer stints of using. But those years 2010-2012 I didn't use everyday. When my marriage ended and my husband left, he'd been the connection. But I sought them out after his departure and I have been using everyday since January 2013.

I've had subs on hand for the days I couldn't score etc, but they are gone. I sniffed my last oxy on August 3rd. I'd tapered down from about 90mg a day to 60mg and spent the last week leading up to Aug 3 tapering hardcore to 15mg. I used tiny, and I do mean tiny, slivers of suboxone... less than 1/2mg per day from Aug 4th until i ran out on August 13th.

So for me this is day 8 of no opiates whatsoever. It has not been pleasant as anyone who has gone through them would say. But in the past day 8, I'm sailing through, I'm fine. But this day 8 I seemed to have regressed a great deal and I find myself very distressed and hopeless. The restless legs came on hard last night and I've not stopped emotionally reeling for days now. It seems to be harmful to my present relationship but he simply cannot understand something he's never gone through.

I need some hope. I need something. I've never felt so lost. Anyone ever had it come back on stronger just when it was supposed to get easier? It is a chore to live out each day and i don't know how much more I can take.

Any help, words of wisdom, anything.

Hobbers

See a Dr. bigtime. Not an opiate addict, but I am sure that has got to be hell coming off an addiction to those as long as you have.

see a dr, or go to ER, girl.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Perseus!!

My addiction was alcohol, but there should be a few here that can relate to opiate addiction!!

Like any withdrawals though the body can't adjust or repair itself of years of damage in a week, it's gonna take time to heal itself, physically, mentally and emotionally!!

You'll find loads of support here on SR to help out!! It's great to have you onboard!!

Perseus

I've done the doctor thing. I have clonidine for the blood pressure spikes and Klonopin for the anxiety, restlessness etc. Unless things really spiral, I'm done at the docs office. I'm in the hell that one must go through. I understand all of that. I just need some support from someone who has experienced this type of return to symptoms. In my head as I write this to you, I am saying just keep going this will end. Pay the piper and move on, you can do this. But when I'm done typing this or just existing the pain of my situation, the mental, physical, and emotional tax is overwhelming. And my mind tells me I can't do this, or how am I going to do this... or what next or why.

Anna

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Don't give up home. You are likely well on the way through this.

Hobbers

Anna is totally right. You're really nearly out of the tunnel now! A few days more (tops) and the worst of it is done! Then.... you, if you choose, NEVER have to feel this way again!

Perseus

I thank you for your kind words and somewhere in my mind I believe this to be true, but the chemicals I am now lacking from the 18 month run I was just on tell me otherwise. It is hard enough to deal with the physical aspects of this experience i.e. legs aching beyond, fierce chills so deep in my bones that I lose focus for a few moments, the malaise, etc. Its the emotional part that takes the above symptoms to the edges and just like that I don't know where I'm at in this maze. I'm definitely looking for someone out there whose symptoms seemed to worsen when they should be easing up, at least physically. Believe me I know the chemical aspect, the energy, normal outlook etc, I'm a long way off from that place that I long so deeply to be in.... its so so hard and having the physical stuff rear up now is like failing somehow. I'm failing and I don't know what I need to be doing differently. So I'm reaching out into this space in the world for the inspiration I so desperately need. The been there done that and pull yourself up by the bootstraps bit.

autumn2

Big Hugs to you! I know how hard this must be. I have been on opiates before. In my experience they were 90% mental and 10% physical dependent. When I didn't have them I could feel every pain in my body x10. Eating a banana did help with leg cramps. I never snorted them,but know it leaves even a bigger craving for those who do. If you have went 8 days without one, that is amazing. The mental addiction with pain pills is what's so tough to overcome.

SoberJohn

Hi Perseus,
Have you considered going to a methadone clinic and get professional help coming off the Oxy? I know you won't be in as much pain as you are now and I can relate. Hope you find your way.

soberclover

Sounds like you may be coming towards end of the physical withdrawal and now you are dealing with the reality of life, and feelings, and "what the heck do I do now" stage. I remember this stage. Sometimes I pop back in to it even though I've been sober almost 20 months. I got clean from drugs in 1995. I went to A LOT of NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meetings. It was nice to see and hear from people who were just like me. Drug addicts are quirky people and I NEEDED to be around those quirky people who could understand me. Dealing with reality is sometimes hard. Be gentle with yourself and celebrate even the smallest of miracles that happens during the day. It is going to take awhile for your body to adjust to the beating that you have put it through. Getting rest (when possible) and eating (again, when possible) is so important. Having good days and then having not so good days is perfectly normal. Stay strong; this will work out.

soberclover

How are you doing Perseus? I've been thinking about what you are going through.

Hobbers

Come back, Perseus! We're here for ya, and want to support you in getting better!