Findingtheway

So today makes it another day 1...Tying to focus on good things...In the past 70 days...I've had 54 days of sobriety...followed by 2 days of drinking...then had 14 days of sobriety...Followed by another day of drinking yesterday.

I've bought more today...But haven't drank any...Fighting the temptation...I know that i should get rid of it NOW...I KNOW i shouldn't have bought it to begin with...Showed up to my regular AA meeting last night...Half in the bag...And about 20 minutes late. Some of the older members gave me *unwelcome* stares...

This is sheer nonsense...I'm worth more than this...Have an aftercare session at a treatment centre tonight...But don't feel like going...It's 2 hours away by transit...Really just feel like going home to sleep today.


Thanks for reading...I'm still here...Still trying...Not sure what i need to do...But DRINKING today sure won't help me....

Hobbers

Just dumb out the booze/give it away, nutburger!

ScottFromWI

Step 1 - get rid of the booze, now.
Step 2 - Go to the aftercare meetign
Step 3 - Go to your regular AA meeting sober

That should be enough to keep you busy for today ;-)

SillyString

Hi, Findingtheway-
Don't give up. I went back and forth a lot before this latest run - which is my longest ever at just over 7 months now. The farther I get, the less I want to screw it up. I think maybe you have not drawn a firm line in the sand here yet? As long as you give yourself permission to drink any amount, the back and forth will continue. If you can stop for even one day - which clearly you can - then you KNOW you can stay stopped each successive day. I know you can do it if you really want to do it. I think maybe you are in that terrible limbo place before the true commitment to staying stopped is reached.

Also - when I first stopped, I really believed that just "not drinking" was enough to stay stopped. It's not. You need to actively (because it won't just "come to you") seek out different ways to spend/occupy your time, different people to hang out with - different different different - until it dawns on you one day that wow - drinking like you used to just doesn't sound fun anymore or make sense in your life anymore. I thought that feeling would NEVER come upon me. I thought the best I'd be able to do was white knuckle it. But after time and introspection, it did come upon me. And I'm not an AA person - so I didn't see this so much as a spiritual transformation as a redirecting of my choices and energy and a realization of what truly made me happy vs. what I thought was making me happy. In truth - I could never find that "happy" I was chasing by drinking. I longed for the early days, the giddiness, the "fun" - those days were long gone, and I was chasing a ghost.

Best to you, and I hope something I've said helps.

readerbaby71

^^this.

PurpleKnight

You can do this!! tweak your plan and re commit to Sobriety!!

NorMar

You said it all very well, "Drinking today sure won't help me"..
I have been in your situation more than once...Staring at a bottle, struggling whether to drink it or get rid of it. It's tough. Remember you can't undrink it... pour it out, re read your original post. Sounds like you really do know what you should do. But boy do I know, it ain't easy. You have a lot of good people here in your corner. Be strong.

Findingtheway

OK. The booze has been THROWN out.

Now to get through the rest of the day. I'm going to the aftercare session tonight...And going to be HONEST about how this week has been.

And now...To enjoy a large glass of WATER

Thanks SoberRecovery folks...I think you've saved this soul for a sober day today.