Crack in my Sobriety
 

I'm having a bit of a tough go last few days. My family has been dealing with some stuff regarding my teenage nephew and well, everybody has an opinion. There is no need to go into the situation and the good thing is it seems to be getting resolved but not without angst and emotional upset from all parties concerned. In 24 hours I have had heated conversations with my brother, my sister and my mother that have all resulted in me having to terminate the call because I was getting upset.

I feel like I have been on edge and ready to "pop" for days. I had to work tonight so was unable to attend my one lovely AA meeting..and I couldn't go for a run either.

At work, which is in the service industry, everybody was "ticking me" off. Now obviously the problem isn't "everybody else". The problem is obviously with me. A woman I work with..who to me ALWAYS seems sort of grumpy commented to me tonight that she in fact found me rather "biotchy" tonight after I commented that I was in fact "biotchy".

It was all started to get to me..the inner tension..and I won't lie...a big part of me thought about getting drunk. A part of me really wanted to push the "eff it" button after work.

I have this feeling that my family is now all talking about "me and my short fuse"....and I DO feel short fused these days....

I want sobriety. No doubt about that. I know drinking doesn't solve a damn thing...
But I am frustrated with my own frustration.

Sorry...maybe I just needed to vent.

Argh..but today..was one of those days where you realize that your sobriety ...no matter how much you want and enjoy it...can go up in flames when the going gets tough..

And it's tough right now. I think I will need to avoid all family calls for the next few days.

Nuudawn,

Thank you for reminding me tonight that we can get through stressful times and hang onto our sobriety. I can't thank you enough.

or...you learned that, no matter what life throws at you, you can stay strong and sober.

'Might have', 'nearly', and 'almost' pale before 'didn't' :)

D

Hi, Nuudawn.

Sorry you are feeling like this and going through hard family times now.

I think it's a good decision to take a break from family drama for a while and focus on your sobriety.

Tough times shall pass. I now know it for sure. And standing up to your sobriety and protecting it is absolutely worth it.

Vent off as much as you need and don't give up!

Sending positive vibes to you.

Sorry it's so hard right now, Nuudawn! Try to hang in there, it will get better.:ring

I hear you about venting, Nuudawn. Vent away! Sometimes we just need to let it out, so go for it, let it out! Glad you have realized that this is nothing to drink over, that this will all pass.

Do you have any numbers from people in your meeting that you can call? Maybe try and reach out to one of them as well. You never know what new piece of helpful advice you will hear or what new tool you can put in the ol' toolbox!

Hope things work they way out for you ND. I think the "tests" of sobriety keep coming, and staying centred is the challenge. I think it is OK to have the f&k it moments, it's taking that next step that is the issue. Sometimes doing nothing is the best option.

oh boy....this sounds like a family fun-fest I had back in March/April. (which was not long after my slip in Feb)

I was amazed at how my anger/stress thermostat could go from, "yep, I'm in control, I'm handling this situation", to "I'm going to explode you bunch of &*(ers!"....steamed up like I could not believe.

Then, I realised, I needed to get my pipe out of my family and let them sort it out without my opinion, or feeling that they needed to call me to vent, or....whatever. It was time to get selfish. And you know what...I was glad it played itself out with the people who needed to play it out.

My Father and I are still strained, so we don't really talk now.

I'm so glad I stepped away. All my 'love' and 'care' and 'attention' needed to be on me. My life was in intensive care, and I needed to respect myself enough to get into my own business and sort myself out. I'd actually say the period following that, I journalled a lot and really found myself and got really solid in my sobriety. It was the best thing that could have happened to me and my sobriety.

No advice, just absolutely 1,000% know what it is like to want to blow a fuse because of the fam/relos/lations!

Hi Nuu
Sorry to hear you're having a rough time at the moment :(

I agree, step away from the family drama. you can do so and need to do so to protect your sobriety.

Well done you for getting through this without drinking. That is the most important thing.Be proud of yourself. The bad days do pass,it doesn't feel that way at the time, but they do. Hang on in there :)

Oh my gawd..EXACTLY. one moment your whistlin' dixie and then suddenly ya...I want to freaking kill them all with blunt force (ok..not really...but yes, metaphorically...a thousand times yes!!) I want to kick and punch them and scream until I cry...(yes...again..metaphorically people...I love them when they are not raving idiots).

And the wonderful thing is we are all gathering round like one big happy family next weekend for my dad's surprise 85th birthday party. Folks are flying in from all over (and yes, I am suddenly responsible for wiring $200 dollars to the current caretaker of my displaced nephew so they can take him to airport 6-7 hours away from the remote location he is currently in). I will wire the money tomorrow to the caretaker (which is another whole freaking drama far too complicated to get into)...and avoid them til the big old festive birthday party.

Awww Nuu. That sucks. Glad you are venting. Can you take a personal day tomorrow? Hugs to you.

:grouphug:

Other than a couple early morning client appointments..I'm off for the rest of the day. No shift at golf course. Yay. Will go for a run..and maybe cry.

Thanks LTV. Thanks all. Although I did find some solace in hearing from new man in my life and the whopping argument he had with his sister only hours ago. He is steamed as all heck...and he ain't even newly sober.

Off to bed momentarily...will wake tomorrow to fight another day

I hope you got some nice sleep Nuudawn. Family drama is SO stressful. It is amazing you stayed sober through that though. Well *it* is not amazing, YOU are amazing. It is also kind of frightening how it can sneak up on you like that but you sound well prepared. I'll be thinking of you. Keep us updated!

You know what's healthy about frustration Nuu? Venting about it.

You know how you keep sobriety? By not drinking even when you want to.

I guess you're doing pretty well. :scoregood

Recovery is recognizing the stressors that prompt us to drink and our reaction to those stresses--the urge to drink--BEFORE it happens and dealing with it.

But it doesn't always make the cause of the stress go away. Stay strong.

It definitely doesn't make the stress go away. That, dear friends, is LIFE.

I'm proud of you Carl....

You've recognized a LOT in this post.

You've honestly reflected and seen WhATs going on for you....

You didn't go drink over it....

You are empowered to care for yourself and to manage this challenging time without turning to the drink for a false relief.

WELL DONE!!!

Thank you for the lesson and helping ME stay sober today.

So sorry you aee in a tough spot Nuu. To be honest, from the outside looking in, you are handling the circumstance the absolute best you can.

You have to look out for you first. If you give in to drinking you will only complicate an already complex and confrontational situation. By venting to us you prove that you know drinking is not an option.

You seem to be distancing yourself from the situation as much as you can by changing your scenery; jogging and limiting your work a bit.

IMO, you are doing great. Life is hard, familys are difficult, as much as we love them, each person brings their own personality to voice sometimes opposing opinions.

Keep strong Nuu. We are here for you. You already know that drinking might be a qiuck fix in our minds but a detrimental decision in the long run.

From an outside stand point, you are doing beautifully. Drinking would create more stress, anxiety, fighting, and separation.

You can do this, lean on us!!!

Hang in there. You're under strain but you're still sticking to your resolve to not make it so much worse by trying to drown it in alcohol. You should feel proud of yourself for that! I know the temptation is there - it's how we always "dealt" with things like this in the past - but I'm sure you will remember, as I do, that it never, ever made anything better. It only makes it worse.

Sounds to me like your handling things pretty well. You are dealing without drinking. You are becoming aware of your feelings and not acting on thoughts. You recognize the need to talk to other alcoholics on here and in meetings. This is the epitome of recovery...nice job!

NuuDawn, I don't know if this will be helpful for you, but it helps me to know that nothing going on around me has anything to do with my sobriety. I just don't drink. doesn't matter what else is happening, it has nothing to do with my sobriety. Somehow, I always make it through. And usually I don't even have to hide the bodies much any more. LOL

Seriously, I came to realize that Life happens, I continue forward. We've worked too hard to give up now.

love from Lenina