How to deal with guilt / advice needed
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
it's so cliché but time really does heal a lot. Sober time.
I'm at 100 days today (when did THAT happen) and when I look back at the last 3 months sometimes I'm still in shock b/c on one hand...it doesn't feel like THAT long ago (and really it wasn't...3 mths isn't a long time in the grand scheme of stuff)...but the amount of changes in that short period, I feel I've lived another life.
just keep doing the right thing. one day at a time. The guilt does subside slowly.
I'm at 100 days today (when did THAT happen) and when I look back at the last 3 months sometimes I'm still in shock b/c on one hand...it doesn't feel like THAT long ago (and really it wasn't...3 mths isn't a long time in the grand scheme of stuff)...but the amount of changes in that short period, I feel I've lived another life.
just keep doing the right thing. one day at a time. The guilt does subside slowly.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 166
It goes away once you put in some time and some work-- I promise.
I dealt with most of my guilt through AA and the 12 steps. Before trying the program, I tried to quit drinking countless times, and my guilt for what had happened in the past was always the first thing that drove me to drink.
For one of the steps, you make a list of all the people you harmed and make an amends to each one. Essentially you're approaching people, telling them what you feel you did wrong, and asking them what you can do to make it right. No matter what happens really, you're doing your part to make things right for them and to become a better person. It was the biggest relief of my guilt and shame for me in the 17 months that I've been sober.
I dealt with most of my guilt through AA and the 12 steps. Before trying the program, I tried to quit drinking countless times, and my guilt for what had happened in the past was always the first thing that drove me to drink.
For one of the steps, you make a list of all the people you harmed and make an amends to each one. Essentially you're approaching people, telling them what you feel you did wrong, and asking them what you can do to make it right. No matter what happens really, you're doing your part to make things right for them and to become a better person. It was the biggest relief of my guilt and shame for me in the 17 months that I've been sober.
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Originally Posted by Charlie117926 
My specific question for those with some sobriety behind them is how did you deal with guilt.
I will give my personal example. Now that I have 5 days sober, I will just sit back in the yard and watch my kids play and I just get this overwhelming guilt of how I spent endless days and nights not being their for them because I was inebriated. The times how they asked me to play with them and I chose to drink rather than be a part of their activities. The guilt of this just eats at me.
How do you overcome these feelings. I know the tow the line phrase that "that was yesterday and today is today." But does anyone have personal experiences of how they were able to overcome these types of issues?
I have many areas of guilt but above was just one example. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I will give my personal example. Now that I have 5 days sober, I will just sit back in the yard and watch my kids play and I just get this overwhelming guilt of how I spent endless days and nights not being their for them because I was inebriated. The times how they asked me to play with them and I chose to drink rather than be a part of their activities. The guilt of this just eats at me.
How do you overcome these feelings. I know the tow the line phrase that "that was yesterday and today is today." But does anyone have personal experiences of how they were able to overcome these types of issues?
I have many areas of guilt but above was just one example. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
I am alcoholic my mother was an alcoholic I went through some things
I saw my mother get sober a few times and each time she came back I was waiting my mum is my hero she was the best person in the whole world my mum was my best frend and im sure your kids feel this way
As for guilt iI guess her way of dealing with it was working and providing for me and my kid brother and always being there for advice a shoulder to cry on to laugh with and everything really I give you this from my soul this is all true
I lost my mum in 2009 and the void will never be filled she died sober and was sober for over 10 years amazing no ?
Point im trying to make don't waste time on guilt go and join in playing with them you will soon see you have ultra special superhero status your their mum
make up a brand new game with them
Hope this helps
I saw my mother get sober a few times and each time she came back I was waiting my mum is my hero she was the best person in the whole world my mum was my best frend and im sure your kids feel this way
As for guilt iI guess her way of dealing with it was working and providing for me and my kid brother and always being there for advice a shoulder to cry on to laugh with and everything really I give you this from my soul this is all true
I lost my mum in 2009 and the void will never be filled she died sober and was sober for over 10 years amazing no ?
Point im trying to make don't waste time on guilt go and join in playing with them you will soon see you have ultra special superhero status your their mum
make up a brand new game with them
Hope this helps
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 5
The best thing you can do is stay sober and do the next right thing. If you are working a 12 step program listen to those who have wisdom to pass on. Early in my sobriety, I confided in someone a lot wiser than me, that feelings of guilt and shame were overwhelming. She told me that, someday I would be able to help someone else who is guilt ridden by sharing your experiences and strength. She was so right. When you work on getting better the people you love get better. Promise!
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