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Finally doing it

Old 08-19-2014, 03:51 AM
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Finally doing it

Hi, this is my first post but I've been lurking for quite a while.

Well I am finally seriously attempting to quit drinking and I am on day 3 so far. This is following the most humiliating experience of my life, (and that's saying something). Last Saturday my husband and I, both being alcoholics, decided of course to go to the bar. We were already drunk when we got there and kept drinking for hours until eventually as usual I blacked out. The bits and pieces I can remember were of my husband literally dragging me away from the bar and I am screaming at him to let me go. I do remember I wet my pants and then walked home, after which my husband and I fought into the wee hours of the morning until he decided he was done and started walking to his dad's house ( who lives 200 miles away). Well, apparently while I was blacked out I got physically violent with a couple people, including my husband. That's never happened before. Scares the s**t out of me. Please wish me luck.
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Old 08-19-2014, 04:02 AM
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Hi Miss Dee, It sounds like you are making a very good decision to quit. There are a lof of us here who have been there. I am a blackout drunk as well, you are right it is really scary. Day 3 is amazing, I know how tough it is to get through day 1 and day 2. I have always found that day 3 is my toughest to overcome, so stay on guard today and stay strong. You can do this. We are all here to support you. How does your husband feel about your decision? Does he want to try as well or will you be going at this alone?
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Old 08-19-2014, 04:04 AM
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WELCOME AND GOOD LUCK Miss Dee.
This site is a good place to become aware of the “I didn’t know I didn’t know.” Avoiding alcohol is a given to become sober, even if we don’t want to. Sometimes it’s painful but that can be a lesson that if we don’t drink we don’t have to TRY TO GET SOBER AGAIN. It works one day at a time and sometimes one minute. Be aware of the AV soon saying you were not that bad and one would be OK because you have been doing well etc.
Above a lot remember that alcohol is cunning, powerful and baffling.

BE WELL
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Old 08-19-2014, 04:06 AM
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Thankfully we are both on the same page at this point and he hasn't drank either (to my knowledge). It was a pretty harsh wake-up call. I'm hoping that if I do think about drinking I can just look at this post and realize that I do not want to go there again. Thanks for responding!
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Old 08-19-2014, 04:11 AM
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Hi and Welcome MissDee

SR certainly helped me turn my life around...I know we can help you do the same

D
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Old 08-19-2014, 04:32 AM
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@ IOAA2 "Be aware of the AV soon saying you were not that bad and one would be OK because you have been doing well etc."

This is happening to me. I'm already thinking well the withdrawals were not even bad maybe I'm not really as bad as a lot of other people here.
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Old 08-19-2014, 04:35 AM
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Originally Posted by MissDee View Post
@ IOAA2 "Be aware of the AV soon saying you were not that bad and one would be OK because you have been doing well etc."

This is happening to me. I'm already thinking well the withdrawals were not even bad maybe I'm not really as bad as a lot of other people here.
Yep, that is your AV talking. Remember in your rational brain that this is not a competition. When you are ready to stop it is time to stop no matter how low you have gone or how ok you still are.
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Old 08-20-2014, 10:51 AM
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What does AV mean?
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Old 08-20-2014, 11:19 AM
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Originally Posted by justme21 View Post
What does AV mean?
AV means Alcoholic Voice. It is the voice inside of you that tells you to drink even when the rational side of you recognizes that it is not a good idea. I learned this term here on this forum and it has been immensely helpful to recognize that there is a good person inside of me but my alcoholic voice takes over sometimes and the good part of me is no longer in control. We need to learn to put that alcoholic voice to rest to let the good parts of us come out. It isn't easy, but it is possible.
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Old 08-20-2014, 11:28 AM
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Someone on SR told me that "you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink." I was miserable, drunk and depressed. Only you can make that choice. I just got tired of being sick and tired. I was / am a "happy" drunk...no violence. Only problem is I know I was embarrassing myself and others.

With regard to AV, a wise soul (named Purpleknight on SR) recently told me "thoughts are only thoughts and not actions so no matter if your thinking about drinking that doesn't mean you have to drink (action). I am paraphrasing, but the statement was like a slap in the face. I was treating my thoughts like I "had to" act on them.

I hope that makes sense and I wish the best on your journey. SR can surely be a valuable resource to help you. I have 6 days of sobriety and I owe 90% of that to SR.
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Old 08-20-2014, 11:32 AM
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I'm glad you posted and are ready to stop the downward spiral and live a sober life. It won't be easy and will require some changes, but it will be worth it for you.
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Old 08-20-2014, 11:38 AM
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Welcome to the Forum!!
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Old 08-21-2014, 04:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Charlie117926 View Post
Someone on SR told me that "you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink." I was miserable, drunk and depressed. Only you can make that choice. I just got tired of being sick and tired. I was / am a "happy" drunk...no violence. Only problem is I know I was embarrassing myself and others.

With regard to AV, a wise soul (named Purpleknight on SR) recently told me "thoughts are only thoughts and not actions so no matter if your thinking about drinking that doesn't mean you have to drink (action). I am paraphrasing, but the statement was like a slap in the face. I was treating my thoughts like I "had to" act on them.

I hope that makes sense and I wish the best on your journey. SR can surely be a valuable resource to help you. I have 6 days of sobriety and I owe 90% of that to SR.
I've been drinking for 20 years and was always a happy drunk. I only started to become and angry drunk in the past 3 months or so. That's why this scares me.
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Old 08-21-2014, 04:34 AM
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3 days is awesome MD!
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Old 08-21-2014, 04:40 AM
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Thanks! Actually it's 5 days now
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Old 08-21-2014, 04:42 AM
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How are you doing?
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Old 08-21-2014, 04:46 AM
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Miss Dee, day 5 is great! I'm on day 4 myself. Like you, I black out often and have done many stupid things. (and probably even stupider things that I don't remember) Good luck and welcome to SR.
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Old 08-21-2014, 04:48 AM
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I was doing fairly well on the cravings but now that I've been sober long enough I'm realizing the reason I drink so much is to deal with alot of emotional pain and anger, so yeah. Usually I would just push it down and drink. Lately it seems to be popping out when I'm blacked out tho. That's not pleasant. I've got a counseling appointment set up for next Wednesday, hope I don't screw up before then.
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Old 08-21-2014, 04:54 AM
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Have you considered self help groups? AA, SOS, Smart Recovery, etc. they are free. Someplace to go to meet other sober people can help in the mean time until you can get to your appointment.
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Old 08-21-2014, 05:01 AM
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@Bookmaven
My counselor suggested that too but it's really hard for me to get out of the house to go to meetings as my husband works all day and I have young children at home. I don't know anyone well enough to watch my kids. I'm kinda new to this area and don't have any "real" friends just drinking buddies. I'm really thankful to have found SR.
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