Pure humiliation
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Mare Crisium
Posts: 1,930
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso 
For the life of me I cannot understand why I keep doing this to myself. My 13 days proved to me I am happier sober. I am happier, healthier, I feel better, I am less stressed, I lost weight, my skin started improving, I am a better mother, I am a better girlfriend, I am more patient, I work harder, I sleep better, my house is more organized, everything is so much easier to accomplish.
I do not even like drinking anymore. Not at all. With the first sip I physically feel like crap, I feel guilty and depressed. Everything is more difficult. I don't even LIKE drinking. Not one bit.
W
H
Y
?
I do not even like drinking anymore. Not at all. With the first sip I physically feel like crap, I feel guilty and depressed. Everything is more difficult. I don't even LIKE drinking. Not one bit.
W
H
Y
?
That gave me the chills.
I could have written it. (other than being a guy
)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Originally Posted by ESD907
even at that young age, I could tell when he was drinking, and it was a major disappointment for me and all of us everytime he came home glassy eyed, or was just stupid. I'm telling you this from a childs perspective, its one of the main reasons I quit, was thinking of my children getting older than I was when I understood. As you saw in those 13 days, you managed to get everything done better than before. Of course do it for yourself, but also think of your children.
You are a very good mother, Meraviglioso, and it's obvious that you love your children intensely. I'm not saying this to invoke additional guilt, but rather to see them as a powerful source of inspiration. You can be the mum they deserve, fully available to them, fully present, happy and healthy. This has been a major motivator for me. Also, I remember reading about your concerns raising kids around alcohol. I share those concerns and don't have many answers yet, but I am motivated by a fact that one day I want to show them with my own example that even if you're dealt the alcoholic card, you can choose a sober path. I was offered alcohol at a young age and it was present throughout my life since. I know many around me share the concept of showing the kids responsible drinking at home. I decided not to take that chance. In my case, luck was not on my side. But I digress... My main point is that being the mother I want to be really helps me stay motivated and I hope it helps you too.
You can do it, keep going! Do whatever you need to do to stay sober. There's never a good enough reason to pick up that first drink. Keep posting, it's helpful to you and you inspire many here, me included.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 585
Melkis Post
You are a very good mother, Meraviglioso, and it's obvious that you love your children intensely. I'm not saying this to invoke additional guilt, but rather to see them as a powerful source of inspiration. You can be the mum they deserve, fully available to them, fully present, happy and healthy. This has been a major motivator for me. Also, I remember reading about your concerns raising kids around alcohol. I share those concerns and don't have many answers yet, but I am motivated by a fact that one day I want to show them with my own example that even if you're dealt the alcoholic card, you can choose a sober path. I was offered alcohol at a young age and it was present throughout my life since. I know many around me share the concept of showing the kids responsible drinking at home. I decided not to take that chance. In my case, luck was not on my side. But I digress... My main point is that being the mother I want to be really helps me stay motivated and I hope it helps you too.
Thanks Melki. I am a father and needed to hear this today. Thank you
You are a very good mother, Meraviglioso, and it's obvious that you love your children intensely. I'm not saying this to invoke additional guilt, but rather to see them as a powerful source of inspiration. You can be the mum they deserve, fully available to them, fully present, happy and healthy. This has been a major motivator for me. Also, I remember reading about your concerns raising kids around alcohol. I share those concerns and don't have many answers yet, but I am motivated by a fact that one day I want to show them with my own example that even if you're dealt the alcoholic card, you can choose a sober path. I was offered alcohol at a young age and it was present throughout my life since. I know many around me share the concept of showing the kids responsible drinking at home. I decided not to take that chance. In my case, luck was not on my side. But I digress... My main point is that being the mother I want to be really helps me stay motivated and I hope it helps you too.
Thanks Melki. I am a father and needed to hear this today. Thank you
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Somewhere on the East Coast
Posts: 579
Hi Mera -- sorry you're struggling. It's hard huh? I feel you, I really do. I don't have words of advice b/c in new to this too, but I think you made the right decision to post here. Please don't feel humiliated....this is hard. Fighting this addiction is...hard. Let's keep fighting though, it's worth it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: in the city by the bay
Posts: 605
Can I suggest something? Why go to lunch with your ex and his GF? I am civil with my ex. I just threw a big party for my son and invited him and said he could bring a GF if he wanted. That is all okay with me. I don't want to have lunch with him. I also don't care to have lunch with his GFs. The last GF wanted to talk to me to complain about him. She asked to talk to me and I heard all the lies he has said about me and etc. She talked to me for about 40 minutes with my husband and 4-yr-old waiting in the car. My ex-husband she ordered to wait in his apartment. Talk about awkward.
You are in Italy and I think that encompasses greater challenges as drinking wine is just something people do. I knew a French woman and she had one bottle of wine at lunch and another at dinner. 2 bottles of wine in a day and I'm trashed.
No matter how much you are okay with your ex, he's your ex for a reason. My husband's GFs have also become younger but he wants another kid. Not terribly young. And he seems to be unable to be faithful so his relationships don't last long and it's this constant revolving door of GFs. My kids see that and I wonder how it affects them. He isn't able to support the 2 kids he has properly, always behind on child support and we have waived his responsibility of medical insurance and he doesn't pay for half of school trips or half of lessons. We have been really nice to him that way, but he still has problems to the point where we may agree to less than guideline support because he just can't get it together despite earning an income that is substantially higher than average.
The last GF said she feels bad for me because I am forever connected to my ex because of our 2 kids Yep. I know. Another kid? It won't lower his child support and as he can't manage his finances at the moment I think it would be disastrous.
My main goal is that the kids aren't affected negatively. That's it. And that they have a good opinion of their dad and I have done so much they will never know about to try to make that possible.
But sitting and having lunch with my ex and his current GF? Even though they have all seemed pleasant enough, that just enters the awkward stage.
You are in Italy and I think that encompasses greater challenges as drinking wine is just something people do. I knew a French woman and she had one bottle of wine at lunch and another at dinner. 2 bottles of wine in a day and I'm trashed.
No matter how much you are okay with your ex, he's your ex for a reason. My husband's GFs have also become younger but he wants another kid. Not terribly young. And he seems to be unable to be faithful so his relationships don't last long and it's this constant revolving door of GFs. My kids see that and I wonder how it affects them. He isn't able to support the 2 kids he has properly, always behind on child support and we have waived his responsibility of medical insurance and he doesn't pay for half of school trips or half of lessons. We have been really nice to him that way, but he still has problems to the point where we may agree to less than guideline support because he just can't get it together despite earning an income that is substantially higher than average.
The last GF said she feels bad for me because I am forever connected to my ex because of our 2 kids Yep. I know. Another kid? It won't lower his child support and as he can't manage his finances at the moment I think it would be disastrous.
My main goal is that the kids aren't affected negatively. That's it. And that they have a good opinion of their dad and I have done so much they will never know about to try to make that possible.
But sitting and having lunch with my ex and his current GF? Even though they have all seemed pleasant enough, that just enters the awkward stage.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,536
Hello Mera - great thread, and I'm glad you wanted to discuss what happened. 
Please don't feel mortified - you're among friends who truly understand your struggle. Very few of us had success without some false starts. It was all part of the learning process for me - I had to fail a few times to really understand what I was up against. In my heart I knew what needed to be done, but part of me still believed I could use willpower to control myself. I don't know why I was so reluctant to let go of it - in the end, it was never fun anymore & brought me only misery.
You're going to do this - we are with you.
Please don't feel mortified - you're among friends who truly understand your struggle. Very few of us had success without some false starts. It was all part of the learning process for me - I had to fail a few times to really understand what I was up against. In my heart I knew what needed to be done, but part of me still believed I could use willpower to control myself. I don't know why I was so reluctant to let go of it - in the end, it was never fun anymore & brought me only misery.
You're going to do this - we are with you.
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