Finally joined today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,347
Finally joined today
After reading and gaining inspiration over the last few months, I joined today after yet another time at getting to 30 days and thinking I could handle it... 3 days and 3 blackouts later I'm beating myself up and feeling scared of the future, etc.. So sick of this cycle. I was feeling great and blew it again after making it to the last day of a week vacation. Uuhhhh!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Hi Determined!
Welcome!
Boy do I know that one. As do probably a gazillion others here. Join the group. It's so much better on the other side. You can do it. Just try again but this time go for some support. You will find plenty here.
I'm almost 18 months sober and it was so worth the hard part in the beginning. It's gets better and it can get easier.
My best part other than the no hangovers...I haven't had one day of being disappointed in myself in all this time. Before...I lived with it almost every day.
Not saying life is perfect and I don't sometimes wish I did better....but nothing like the self loathing I had when I drank. That's worth quitting for all by itself.
You can do it!
Welcome!
Boy do I know that one. As do probably a gazillion others here. Join the group. It's so much better on the other side. You can do it. Just try again but this time go for some support. You will find plenty here.
I'm almost 18 months sober and it was so worth the hard part in the beginning. It's gets better and it can get easier.
My best part other than the no hangovers...I haven't had one day of being disappointed in myself in all this time. Before...I lived with it almost every day.
Not saying life is perfect and I don't sometimes wish I did better....but nothing like the self loathing I had when I drank. That's worth quitting for all by itself.
You can do it!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 848
Oh I'm definitely the same way. Mine was more about "I can drink a couple of days and not detox".
That is a dangerous thought. 8 months of doing this taught me detoxing over and over again slowly went from minor sweats and not sleeping to extreme terror, shaking so bad I couldn't type at work and those were probably the more minor ones.
I've detailed the hell out of my detoxes in my previous threads on here if you want to see the ones right before I sought medical treatment thinking I was going to die. ( look back like 5 or 6 months ago, as I'm pretty sure those were the worst weeks of my existence.)
And that's a year. That's not much time in the grand scheme of things.
That is a dangerous thought. 8 months of doing this taught me detoxing over and over again slowly went from minor sweats and not sleeping to extreme terror, shaking so bad I couldn't type at work and those were probably the more minor ones.
I've detailed the hell out of my detoxes in my previous threads on here if you want to see the ones right before I sought medical treatment thinking I was going to die. ( look back like 5 or 6 months ago, as I'm pretty sure those were the worst weeks of my existence.)
And that's a year. That's not much time in the grand scheme of things.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 522
Welcome, determined!
I've done that very thing, and I'm tired of reruns. Reading and posting has really helped me learn some things that are going to be a game changer, I think.
I'm too new to post a link, but check out the class of August thread for those of us starting fresh.
Great job on your prior 30 days and not giving up!
I've done that very thing, and I'm tired of reruns. Reading and posting has really helped me learn some things that are going to be a game changer, I think.
I'm too new to post a link, but check out the class of August thread for those of us starting fresh.
Great job on your prior 30 days and not giving up!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,347
Thank you guys! Your kind words and support already made me feel better. I am so mad at myself but I realize all I can do is learn from it. I get bored and want to quote relax like a quote normal person. It never works that way though... Funny thing is that it is not even fun any more. I get so depressed for days after a binge and I was feeling on top of the world and my eyes were even clear.. Will reach out here going forward before the AV gets me. I don't want to define myself as a crazy wild life of the party guy. Truth is I just look like a middle age idiot and a terrible role model for my kid. Tried to talk about this to friends before, but they simply don't get it. Glad I found this site.
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
Keep coming back and go to a meeting. It doesn't get any better, by a long shot, if you keep repeating the cycle. You'll just get to know the cops, ambulance crews and hospital staff better over time... sort of.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Welcome to the posting side, great decision checkin often , post, read, ask
Wish you well and hope to see you around , and you never have to feel like that again, I sure as hell don't want to
Wish you well and hope to see you around , and you never have to feel like that again, I sure as hell don't want to
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Welcome Determined,
You said something about how the drinking isn't even fun anymore. Isn't it weird how it changes? It used to feel so good to drink but it changed for me too. It honestly wasn't even fun and didn't feel good even while drinking, forget the hangover. I just got too sick and i abused my body enough that it couldn't process it anymore I guess. It sounds like you might be at about the same point. You also said something about being depressed for several days after heavy drinking. I can relate. The mental anguish is worse than the physical after you've crossed the line.
You sound done to me. When you're done you know it. I had not made it past 10 days (and that was only once in the last ten years). You've made it 30 so you know how to stop drinking. Day 53 here because I was DONE! Welcome.
You said something about how the drinking isn't even fun anymore. Isn't it weird how it changes? It used to feel so good to drink but it changed for me too. It honestly wasn't even fun and didn't feel good even while drinking, forget the hangover. I just got too sick and i abused my body enough that it couldn't process it anymore I guess. It sounds like you might be at about the same point. You also said something about being depressed for several days after heavy drinking. I can relate. The mental anguish is worse than the physical after you've crossed the line.
You sound done to me. When you're done you know it. I had not made it past 10 days (and that was only once in the last ten years). You've made it 30 so you know how to stop drinking. Day 53 here because I was DONE! Welcome.
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
Originally Posted by MelindaFlowers 
The mental anguish is worse than the physical after you've crossed the line.
A.A. Recovery - The Missing Piece: The Spiritual Malady
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,347
Just waking and reading these, thank you guys. I know you all can relate to this feeling - when you swear you want this to be the last time and the voice just laughs at you and says oh we've been here before... Congrats you guys for another day, so happy to find others who get it, stay strong. You are so right, the mental to true and self loathing linger far longer than the physical.
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