Sarah1975

If I haven't done so before, I normally start drinking around 4-5pm at the latest. It's seven thirty now. I'm on day 2 (again) and I'm sure this one is harder.

I know it's a stupid thought, but im so angry! I want to drink the way others do, or even like I used to would be better than this 'obsession' (is it an obsession?) that im trying to ignore. That I AM ignoring to the point of not acting on it. I'm almost wishing to go back to the time of denial, the time when i didn't see/know/accept that I need to quit. It was easier then.

Please tell me you understand?
Tell me you've been here?
That im not alone?
It gets easier?

PurpleKnight

We've all been there Sarah, coming to terms that we needed to part ways with alcohol, the control we thought we had over it, simply doesn't exist, and no amount of anger, frustration or pondering over it, is going to change that reality, for me accepting this was the toughest part, but when the penny finally dropped, the world started to make a whole lot more sense!!

It does get easier with time, hang in there, light is at the end of the tunnel, no matter how faint it may seem now!!

clones2

I swear it gets easier! You always wonder how you'll make it etc... The first 2-4 days can be brutal. Stay strong.

SparkyMcSparky

And we fight with the unknown - for many of us, we can't imagine what a life without alcohol looks like.

I'm on day 41, and it does get easier, and I'm sort of liking this life where I don't have to plan around alcohol (getting it, drinking it, hiding it, being hung over from it, driving with it, etc.). Sorta' weird that I seem to have more free time and more cash than when I was drinking.

Best thing to do? Find something to do where you can't drink. Or something to do at all. Sitting around thinking about how you can't drink is enough to make anyone want to drink.

Nope, not alone.

Yes, we've all been there.

And it absolutely gets better.

Hobbers

Day 7 or 8ish here- you can do this, girl!

Charlie117926

Hello Sarah:

My start time is about 5:00 daily. I am only into day 4 and yes I am feeling the same thing right now and yes I understand just as many, many others on here.

I keep telling myself to stop off (at my local watering hole) and have just a few. But I already know where that leads (to a miserable tomorrow.) It's always the same ending when I begin drinking.

I have had these thoughts since about 2:00 today. Its a fight to over come.

Make a plan to stay sober and follow it. Each day behind you makes it easier. Sarah, you can do this. Stay the course.

Read SR, post your thoughts and read more. This site is a great help to those (me) that seek sobriety.

Choobie

Hi Sarah,
I think most of us have felt exactly as you do now. There is nothing wrong w it the way you feel, and there is no need to act on those feelings. They will go away even if you don't have a drink.

You are not alone, you have all of us! I, for one, completely understand how you feel. If I had a terrible disease, I would want to catch it and begin treating it right away, even if I were happier the day before knowing.But more so, I'd want to know that I could get better. That's us! What we didn't know was killing us, but now we can do something about it.

When I get down or frustrated, I try to find the positives: I can leave my house in the evening, I wake without a hangover, I can actually taste food, and, even though I'm still emotionally frazzled for now, my moods are more even and I'm already more kind...

Great job on getting past your habit hour!

Fly N Buy

Sarah,

We all make choices daily. Until 71 days ago, I would choose either vodka, rum, beer or all three for the trifecta!

I am convinced that anyone who truly is willing and desirous of being sober ( from alcohol - I have no experience with narcotics ) can do it!!!

At a week I smiled some. At 30 days others smiled back - family. At 60 days I was getting back self respect and feeling joy again in my life.

I am one of the weakest people I know. However, after many, many years of the BS I was ready.....................

You can too if you're read, I promise!!!!

Peace - go get what you want out of life. It's there for you!!!

Isabel9885

Evenings are bad for me too so now I go to a meeting and go running. When I wake up the next day feeling ok, I know it was worth not drinking.

Sarah1975

Thanks so much gang - really.

ccam1973

Sara, as others have said, we have all been there. Just keep going, it will get easier as long as you don't give in. Once you give in, you are back on day one and each day one is tougher than the one before.

The first days are the toughest. With time, the anxiety calms down and you can enjoy your life again.

You are doing great, just don't drink. You will be so much happier if you give it some time, I PROMISE!

Congratulations on day 2... Tomorrow is day 3.

You can do this!

Sarah1975

Tomorrow is day 3 - i like the sound of that!

ontherightpath

Oh Sarah, I could have written this myself. I do have to say, though, that today I'm grateful that I know I don't ever have to go back to those days of hiding, shaming and embarrassing myself. I have had sober time in the past, I attend aa (when I have my crapola together), and I have no problem admitting when I am broken. I am working on thorough acceptance. Even when I have tried to prove that I can do this normally, the outside looks fine and the inside of me is falling apart. It's just not worth it anymore. It's not fair to me, or my family, to have to put on a show all the time, while I drowned in my own self pity. Take it slow, realize the benefits. Get to some meetings if you can. You're not alone! Xoxo Sarah (1976)

Jake1961

Sarah, Day 20 here. My routine during the week would be to start between 4 and 5 and basically drink until I "fell asleep" in my chair. I find that if I can keep my mind busy I can silence the AV. Reading, re-discovering some of my hobbies that I have ignored the past couple years, and a solid desire not to go back to where I had been helps me.

aborkie

Try going with some other craving or a treat. Indulge yourself for now, but no alcohol. Getting some sugar in you around that time will go a long way.