Finally being honest with myself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Sheffield, United Kingdom
Posts: 208
Finally being honest with myself
I am not sure if I'm classed as an alcoholic, but I have the problem of once I have one drink I can't stop. I work shifts so don't drink every night or in the day when working nights. But when I have nights off I drink and can't stop. I suffer memory loss, blackouts, problems in my relationship due to drinking and the most crippling hangovers that come with panic attacks next day. I have tried to give up before and did so a couple of times for a month but then had just one glass of wine which ended up at 3 bottles and got back in to the vicious circle.
This is this first time I've owned up to myself that I actually have a problem and that maybe I need to stop for good. I've managed 7 days so far but I'm walking round with this feeling of dread at the moment that I will forget how I'm feeling right now and go sod it one can't hurt.
This is this first time I've owned up to myself that I actually have a problem and that maybe I need to stop for good. I've managed 7 days so far but I'm walking round with this feeling of dread at the moment that I will forget how I'm feeling right now and go sod it one can't hurt.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcome Oswin 
I have a faulty off switch too...regardless of whether you decide to identify as an alcoholic or not, there's clearly a problem you want fixing.
SR is a great place to start - welcome
D
I have a faulty off switch too...regardless of whether you decide to identify as an alcoholic or not, there's clearly a problem you want fixing.
SR is a great place to start - welcome
D
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Congrats on your 7 days. Here are a few lines from the first edition of the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" (which you can find online for free).
"We hope we have made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic. If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic."
All the best to you.
"We hope we have made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic. If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic."
All the best to you.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
all i can share with you my friend is my own experience, i am an alcoholic, when i drank i would want more and more of the stuff, i would drink so much i wouldnt know what i was doing
all my mates around didn't drink as much as me nor did they end up in trouble like i did i wished i could be like them but i knew there was something different about me
when i look back at all my drinking it was always the same more or less, i would go out not planing on getting drunk, have a few drinks and end up drunk
then i would wake up the next day trying to remember what i did last night, i would have fear of what i did , shame of what i did , and guilt
all i wanted was to have a good time like everyone else did in my head, but it just wasnt to be for me as i am an alcoholic
if i take one drink it will start off a craving that i want more and more with no way of stopping once i have that taste for it, or unless i really do put the effort in to try to control myself but it doesnt last as i will soon let my guard down and get drunk
it didnt matter how i tired to control my drinking i got drunk, i would only drink half pints in the hope i wouldnt get drunk, i would drink weaker beers, i would change my drinks, or go out later in the night but still end up drunk
so i had to face in the end i couldnt drink safely as normal drinkers can the only way i can wake up the next day with a clear head is to not take that first drink
good luck to you which ever way you go for help, i found my help in the rooms of aa but there are plenty of other methods you could try
all my mates around didn't drink as much as me nor did they end up in trouble like i did i wished i could be like them but i knew there was something different about me
when i look back at all my drinking it was always the same more or less, i would go out not planing on getting drunk, have a few drinks and end up drunk
then i would wake up the next day trying to remember what i did last night, i would have fear of what i did , shame of what i did , and guilt
all i wanted was to have a good time like everyone else did in my head, but it just wasnt to be for me as i am an alcoholic
if i take one drink it will start off a craving that i want more and more with no way of stopping once i have that taste for it, or unless i really do put the effort in to try to control myself but it doesnt last as i will soon let my guard down and get drunk
it didnt matter how i tired to control my drinking i got drunk, i would only drink half pints in the hope i wouldnt get drunk, i would drink weaker beers, i would change my drinks, or go out later in the night but still end up drunk
so i had to face in the end i couldnt drink safely as normal drinkers can the only way i can wake up the next day with a clear head is to not take that first drink
good luck to you which ever way you go for help, i found my help in the rooms of aa but there are plenty of other methods you could try
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome to SR, Oswin! It's good to have you with us. I was up to three bottles of wine a night when I decided to quit, too. And like you, once I start there's no stopping til I'm passed out or run out.
I think you need to formulate a plan. Something has to take the place of drinking, and you need some support system. I have found AVRT to be helpful. In any event, congrats on taking the first steps to turning your life around!
I think you need to formulate a plan. Something has to take the place of drinking, and you need some support system. I have found AVRT to be helpful. In any event, congrats on taking the first steps to turning your life around!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hello and welcome. Many people who come here and at meetings can easily identify with your drinking and the way it progresses even when we earnestly say to ourselves “I’ll just have one.” That mostly leads to many. If we do just one day we are pleased with ourselves and celebrate with many more days drinking.
Over the years I see successful sober people becoming honest with themselves about their drinking AND accept the fact they CANNOT drink in safety.
Some people are not ready and want to drink more than they want to live sober. Like me others are undisciplined and want to do things our way until perhaps the pain gets so intense we surrender and let go of past dangerous ways of life.
When I gave up there was no internet and AA was the only show in town so I poured a lot of energy and time learning how to stay sober from the old timers who were sober for 20-45 years. They were hard core but loving at the same time and cared, so many of us recovered to this day. Some who fell by the roadside stopped following the program and relapsed into a painful life again.
Today there are more programs around and are successful when we work them. These forums help a lot, but whatever is used it’s not fixed in a week, month or year and requires much work on a daily basis for continued sobriety because alcohol is Powerful, cunning and baffling. It’s there waiting for a weak moment to drag us back into our old ways unless we are prepared to resist its power.
BE WELL
Over the years I see successful sober people becoming honest with themselves about their drinking AND accept the fact they CANNOT drink in safety.
Some people are not ready and want to drink more than they want to live sober. Like me others are undisciplined and want to do things our way until perhaps the pain gets so intense we surrender and let go of past dangerous ways of life.
When I gave up there was no internet and AA was the only show in town so I poured a lot of energy and time learning how to stay sober from the old timers who were sober for 20-45 years. They were hard core but loving at the same time and cared, so many of us recovered to this day. Some who fell by the roadside stopped following the program and relapsed into a painful life again.
Today there are more programs around and are successful when we work them. These forums help a lot, but whatever is used it’s not fixed in a week, month or year and requires much work on a daily basis for continued sobriety because alcohol is Powerful, cunning and baffling. It’s there waiting for a weak moment to drag us back into our old ways unless we are prepared to resist its power.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Oswin a lot of us wonder about the term "alcoholic" but, really, the definition doesn't matter. If we have a problem with alcohol we need the support of a community like SR and you can be assured there is plenty of support here. Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Hampshire, UK
Posts: 53
7 days - well done. I only just joined this site, but so many of the stories, so many of people's relationship with drink reminds me of myself. Especially, like you, the inability to stop once started and how this realisation takes awhile to come to! Guilt, shame, blackouts,.. At least I know I'm not alone & neither are you.
Good luck
Good luck
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