snakes

Well, my mother (81 and very debilitated from multiple strokes) called me today asking if I would buy her pot. It is legal where I live. I refused. She has terrible anxiety but is an extremely difficult mother because she hasn't ever done anything to take care of herself and help herself get better after her strokes. She panics at night and calls me when she is being a wreck. Right now my brother is living with her but we spoke and agreed she needs to get into assisted living. She is not capable of being at home anymore and it is an unfair burden on my brother.

So, I thought about how I have my own stress and crap going on and I am still really sorry about my friend's father's memorial party but I DO have a lot on my own plate right now. And I have to get my own life in order. I am in an unhappy marriage (but my husband says he thinks to death do us part). I have a drinking problem, a crazy mother, and an extremely stressful job. I guess I have enough to worry about without adding missing my friend's father's party to the stressfest.

Yet, I still feel selfish.

PurpleKnight

Selflessness used to be one of my problems when I was drinking, every birthday, every celebration, every time I got a call to go watch the football, I was there, I was the one person who could be relied upon without fail to show up, and drink the night away!!

But when I got Sober, all those people that I had given so much to, where were they when I needed a shoulder or someone to talk to? . . . many of them were nowhere to be seen, so I really had to evaluate where exactly did selflessness get me?!!

You need to look after YOU first in all of this, it sounds like there is soo much going on already to deal with, dropping everything to simply be unselfish isn't always the best idea!!

Hang in there!!

soberclover

Sounds like you do have a lot on your plate snakes. I think it is great that you are aware of how much you have going on and it sounds like you have a strong desire to make changes for the positive in your life. I found that in my sobriety I still have crazy family and crazy work "stuff" but not drinking makes my ability to deal with that stuff much easier. It is hard to learn to place your recovery first but it really is the only way.

Dee74

I dunno if you've heard the 'put your oxygen mask on first' thing snakes?

There's good sense in that - unless we take care of ourselves we're not likely to be of
much use to others anyway

I found the three links below pretty useful for exploring that concept.

Amy Jen Su: Put on Your Oxygen Mask First: 6 Tips for Self-Care on the Job

Is Self-Care Selfish? | Psychology Today

Why It's Not Selfish To Take Care of Yourself - Stew Friedman - Harvard Business Review

Self-care is not selfish

D

ForgetfulKevin

snakes, I was searching for something else earlier and found this great thread in Friends and Family, with the topic "It's not my job to ... "

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ot-my-job.html

I hope this is not out of line, but (for example) if that pot had to cross state lines, you could think "It's not my job to be a felon" or even if your Mom lives in the same state you could think "It's not my job to buy pot for my mother". Of course I see that you have already decided against doing that.

Maybe thinking "It's not my job" would help sort out at least some of the other things you are dealing with. Let other people be responsible for their own stuff, whether it's actions/inactions/feelings, whatever. It's not your job to make everything go perfectly well!

Sorry to hear about the stress you are feeling, but wishing you the best!