zerothehero

In my previous post referring to this, I supplied the quote that came from another post above, but chose not to link it or state who said it. It wasn't about you. Just saying since you commented on it.

I don't want this conversation to get into defensiveness and accusations, especially in the Newcomers section. Perhaps this should be moved to the Recovery or AA section. Just a thought.

soberlicious

So AA doesn't work for you, makes you feel worse. My advice? Don't go.

Navigating through life is not just something that people "in recovery" have to learn how to do. Everyone on earth has to find their way, and some do it more effectively, gracefully, and happily than others. Some even seem to know intuitively how to do it. Those are the people I seek out in life. "Recovery" has nothing to do with it for me. Addiction is only one tiny dark spot that makes up the pain of the human condition. Many others have overcome great obstacles in life other than the obstacle of addiction. I can learn a great deal from them. It's not about overcoming addiction specifically, it's about the process of successfully overcoming obstacles in life in any form.

I don't focus on recovery. I focus on living. I stopped putting alcohol in my body. Only then I was able to focus on the things in life that bring me joy. There are many groups that I'm a part of that have moved me toward that end...runners clubs, yoga groups, meditation groups, fellow educators, fellow parents of special needs children, potters, belly dancers, crafters, the list goes on. I have reignited my passion again for my old interests, and found new interests as well.

For me personally I found recovery groups inhibited my growth and put a hyper focus on my past addiction. That is only one facet of me. I choose not to highlight that over any other part of me.

freshstart57

Bwat, you've described your experience at great length, and it is understood what is leading you to look for an alternative experience. There are strictures against recovery tool comparative discussion threads in this forum because they simply are not well tolerated by some program proponents. May I suggest you start another thread where you can start discussion on any one of the alternatives suggested to you?

You can empower yourself to find what you need to know to quit drinking. The support is here for you. Best to you.

Ythill

You know, a lot of my frustration is just a part of getting sober. It's difficult, and I lose the forest through the trees

soberlicious

Is the actual act of quitting and staying stopped what is frustrating you? Have you ever read AVRT? It's a technique just for quitting. It's not a design for living because the author believes individuals are quite capable of seeking out sources and avenues to build the life they want once they are out of the throes of addiction. Some people don't even need to do that, they often return to a state of normalcy after they quit boozing. Either way, that's for you to figure out and that's the beauty of the journey. It's yours. I personally don't want to be spoonfed my own life. That's just me though.

biminiblue

It is difficult - and especially the first couple months.

You can stop forever. Just use whatever tools you need to get there. It is your journey. If AA helps, use it. If only part of it helps, decide if you want to use that. If parts of AVRT help, use that. If reading books, do that. If exercise and healthy diet help - do it! Meditation? Mindfulness? . . .

Many people (me included) use several tools to stay away from alcohol. Hang in there, it does get easier.

neferkamichael

Ythill, to SR and from what you posted this place would be better for you than AA. Plenty of people here don't believe you need a higher power or have to turn your will over to a god of your understanding. If you are an independent minded person and have confidence in yourself SR is better for you than AA. You'll quit when the allure of sobriety out weighs the allure of intoxication. Rootin for ya.

miamifella

I also used to find 12-step meeting made me feel isolated and hopeless. I usually left feeling pretty bad and convinced myself that feeling awful was good for me. I thought if I could withstand a meeting, then withstanding cravings would be a piece of cake.

But after a few years, I realized that I was not getting better...I was just staying the same. So I moved on.

I do not think recovery is al rainbows and lollypops, but I do not think recovery should be a misery.

Confuzd

AA works for me, but it is not the only recovery program. LifeRing, SMART, AVRT, using this site, individual therapy/counseling, they are all possibilities you could try.

I like AA but I can understand why it is not for everyone. If AA makes you feel worse, then maybe it isn't right for you.

It sounds from your original post that you have been going to Discussion meetings? Have you ever tried going to Speaker meetings, where you hear different people's stories? I prefer Speaker meetings to Discussion meetings myself because there is less "sharing" and more of listening to stories of recovery. I find this more helpful for me.

I go to AA because it helps me stay sober, no one in AA is perfect and I do not have like everyone in AA or like everyone's share. I try to focus on getting what I need to stay sober. When I went to bars, I did not automatically like drinking with everyone there or take their advice. Now that I go to AA, I do not automatically like talking to everyone there or think they have good advice. Only you can decide what is helpful or not helpful to you in sobriety (although it helps to have the guidance of trusted individuals).

Ythill

All recovery is good. It's good to be reminded that there are alternative approaches. There is a great meeting near me that's atheist/agnostic friendly and encourages brutal honesty. There are people there who have been sober for more than 10 years without working the steps, and in fact are highly critical of large portions of the Big Book. They use Living Sober as their text. It's more group therapy really than a standard 20 minute share with comments. There are no chips too because the chairperson believes that counting days is useless. All that exists is the present. It doesn't matter if you've been sober for 5 minutes or 5 years. It's all in the now. This has been the best thing I've heard since I starting going to meetings 2 months ago.

Anna

On this forum, we don't criticize any recovery program.

The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential. Debates over Recovery Methods are not allowed on the Newcomer's Forum. Posts that violate this rule will be removed without notice. (Support and experience only please.)

quitforme79

AA helps me.. it's a simple program for complicated people. Perhaps you are over thinking it?

wpainterw

I see that there is an Agnostic's AA meeting in Cambridge at Christ Church, Zero Garden St. on Tuesday evenings at 7:00 right near Harvard Yard. Have you tried that one?

W.

philly76

Hi, I've been considering AA. But beyond my fear of running into people I know, I'm a little concerned about AA's model. I don't want to trade my own accountability for a "disease." I made my own decisions, I am where I am because of me. Is there a place in AA for that? I hate seeking a means to an end, but AA seems to be one that works.