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Old 07-19-2004, 01:04 PM   #1 (permalink)
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I Screwed Up Again!


It's been 4 1/2 months since I admitted my alcohol problem. I've strung as many as 53 days sober together. This weekend I went out again. Visited old friends and drank many beers. Sunday I felt so crappy I went and had a few more.

I dread having to talk to my sponsor tonight.
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Old 07-19-2004, 01:08 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stanger
I dread having to talk to my sponsor tonight.
I wouldn't. I was glad I could turn to my sponsor went I went out earlier this year after 77 days. He helped me see where I had gone wrong. Day 124 now.
But you know what? I'm working to stay sober today.
Welcome back Stranger.
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Old 07-19-2004, 01:15 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi Stanger,

I'm glad you're back.

It's all about changing old behavior I think. That's what worked for me. I'm sure your sponsor will understand what happened. Just keep moving forward.

Love, Anna
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Old 07-19-2004, 01:17 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Stranger.

Welcome back.. I am an alcoholic myself.

Everytime I relapsed, it was a learning experience and I took a good long look as to why it happened.. All the best !

TG28
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Old 07-19-2004, 01:17 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Stanger! It was so hard for me to give up people. I had no problem giving up places/things, but giving up my crew. Damn, that was tough. But, after a few relapses, which nearly killed me, I decided that if I want to live, I have to change my crew. This disease wants to kill me, if these people are using, they are holding the gun to my head. I don't want to die today, I want to live.
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Old 07-19-2004, 01:31 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Thanks for the replys. I think my problem is that I somehow associate "good times" and drinking. The insanity tells me that "it's OK to go out and party tonight...you deserve it".

I only hope my sponsor is as willing to tolerate what happened as you people. I'm thinking he may want me to go to a 28 day inpatient program. That is not possible for me now.

I will attend a meeting tomorrow night for sure.
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Old 07-19-2004, 01:38 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Good luck Stranger.. Keep us posted !

Like you, I associate(d) good times with drinking.. Was out the other night with people from work, stuck to sodas/limes and actually had a better time than normally... Felt great the next morning, had a few meaningful conversations during the night - all without booze.. Sure, everyone was surprised that I wasn't drinking -- but after they had a couple -- they all forgot about me being sober...
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Old 07-19-2004, 02:58 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Hi Stanger - Welcome back!
I'm Rowan and I'm an alcoholic. Many of us understand relapse and the feelings of guilt and shame associated with it. I started drinking years ago to have fun, and it stayed fun for quite some time, but years later I was drinking alone night after night - and it wasn't working anymore. It ceased to be fun. I would highly recommend calling your sponsor before you go out with friends rather than after relapsing; you can still drink after you talk to your sponsor, but chances are you won't want to. You know that alcoholism is a disease that tries to tell you that you don't have it. It truly is cunning and terribly powerful. I was at an open meeting the other night, and the speaker was a guy who had just over a year in - the first 6 months were in an inpatient rehab. And he said something that I hadn't heard before; he said, "Well, I'm in AA, and I might as well accept that and get sober, because I'm just going to end up here anyway." And it's so true. The thing is, he finally accepted that he was an alcoholic. And he turned it into a positive rather than dwelling on the fact that he couldn't drink. It's so true! Picture a table just brimming with food, all your favourite desserts, steaks whatever. Everything you could possibly want is right there on that table. Only ONE thing is missing and that's alcohol. So why focus on what we can't have rather than what we do have? Someone shared that analogy with me and it really stuck.
Anyway, sorry for the lecture, I'll stop preaching now
God Bless and Keep Coming Back
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Old 07-19-2004, 05:26 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Thanks Rowan and TorontoGuy. I appreciate all the support.
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Old 07-19-2004, 09:47 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stanger
I think my problem is that I somehow associate "good times" and drinking.
Thats because society so much emphasizes alcohol with most liesure activites we like to do. Its too bad realy. Doesn't make it much easier for us.
In response to your quote above, we feel that way at first just because we are not used to having fun while sober - its a new thing for us. Last Saturday I was out with some sober AA friends at a sports Bar. We had a great time. Drank many rounds of coffee. We were loud and abnoxious. It really felt like we out partied the drinkers there. I guess I am just saying that the good times/drinking association can and will start to go away. We have to work on getting out socially to practice having a great time with other sober people. Best of luck to you.
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Old 07-19-2004, 10:06 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Stanger,

I am Triegger, an alcoholic. I am new at all this just wanted to offer my support and let you know I am pulling for you. Don't dread talking with your sponsor, just be honest. I think we addicts are probably the best liers (ok maybe not as good as politicians). We lied to our friends, our family, and even ourselves, I would guess that is why it is so important for us to admit to ourselves we have a problem we cant control, as we are finally being honest with ourselves.

So just shoot straight with your sponsor, would be willing to bet they will understand and be able to offer much better advice than me. In the meantime, know you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Keep posting,

Triegger
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Old 07-20-2004, 03:26 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Thanks again. As expected my sponsor was none too pleased. I have to call him at 5:30. I'll either hit a meeting tonight or maybe some detox center my sponsor may want me to visit. (Not for treatment but to show me what's could be in store for me next.)

I feel a bit better today. Work went well.
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Old 07-21-2004, 06:39 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Well, I did hit a meeting Tuesday and tonight. I'm feeling pretty good now. I have to stay close to my support group over the weekend.
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Old 07-21-2004, 06:42 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Good for you Stranger.
To have a plan for the weekend is a good, safe idea.
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Old 07-21-2004, 09:13 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Hi Stanger
I'm glad to hear you've been hitting meetings and have a safety net in place for the weekend; smart thinking!
Take good care.
Love Rowan
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Old 07-23-2004, 04:01 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Looking forward to the meeting tonight. May be able to do step 4&5 with my sponsor over the weekend. Tonight I will NOT drink!
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Old 07-23-2004, 04:43 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Have a good meeting Stranger.
Your sponsor stuck with you through this.
He sees something in you.
We do recover.
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Old 07-23-2004, 06:39 PM   #18 (permalink)
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maybe if you went out, you should start the steps over.............

WHADDAYATHINK? ? ?
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Old 07-23-2004, 08:39 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I concur with 1 day @ a time - that was my thought when you mentioned doing steps 4 and 5 .. when I relapsed .. I was right back at step 1 .. because, apparently, I had not admitted that I was powerless over alcohol .. Maybe something to think about my friend. GB
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