is there a purpose?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 47
is there a purpose?
always alone, nobody to trust... people around me are always busy... i dont have my friend alcohol anymore... what is left? why exist? at my age i hate who i am... old, fat and ugly... tired of exercising every ******* day... im tired of doing work... i just want it all to end... this way i wont get rejected, ignored, passed over ever again... tired of talking about my problems, never helps, only hurts...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,618
Im sorry you feel that way MasterSkyWalker. I have often felt that will, and likely will again. I try to remember in my dark moments that "This too, shall pass". Even though we may feel like pain is eternal and will never end, it indeed does 
.
Are you seeing a therapist for your feelings? Or if that isn't an option, it appears something in your life requires tweaking.......How long have you been sober? I know it takes a while for our minds and bodies to recover after such abuse from booze. Im only on day 10 of sobriety and I really have a roller coaster of emotions.....
. Are you seeing a therapist for your feelings? Or if that isn't an option, it appears something in your life requires tweaking.......How long have you been sober? I know it takes a while for our minds and bodies to recover after such abuse from booze. Im only on day 10 of sobriety and I really have a roller coaster of emotions.....
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
MSW - reaching out when we ALL feel like this is huge! Good for You!!!
I read a previous post where you were doing some counseling. Is that helping?
Don't be too hard on yourself, it takes time to reach the benefits of new sobriety - BUT, not too long.
Loneliness is a trigger for me as well. It's tough. I finally started AA meetings and THAT put me in a room with other who immediately accepted me, even though it didn't feel that way the first few times. I had to force myself to speak and tell others I NEED HELP.
Currently on pace to do 90 meetings in 90 days........Helps a ton with loneliness. They even have meetings online if you live remotely.
You might consider this option - it's helped me, another lonely guy......
Keep posting, please!
peace
I read a previous post where you were doing some counseling. Is that helping?
Don't be too hard on yourself, it takes time to reach the benefits of new sobriety - BUT, not too long.
Loneliness is a trigger for me as well. It's tough. I finally started AA meetings and THAT put me in a room with other who immediately accepted me, even though it didn't feel that way the first few times. I had to force myself to speak and tell others I NEED HELP.
Currently on pace to do 90 meetings in 90 days........Helps a ton with loneliness. They even have meetings online if you live remotely.
You might consider this option - it's helped me, another lonely guy......
Keep posting, please!
peace
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 234
MasterSkywalker, as Winddancer said, THIS WILL PASS! Most, if not all of us have felt the way you feel right now. Personally, my personal belief is that I am the biggest loser. Can't get passed that, but every day that I don't drink I am a little less of one. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. Please know that we care and you are not alone!!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
time for you to get up in the morning and start singing a happy song
time for some real mental work outs of doing things you dont want to do its great fun
seriously my friend we have all been there locked up in our own pain and sadness but we have to come out of it
if we sit there doing nothing then that's exactly what we will get back is nothing
you talk about being ugly ? have you seen people who have face disfigurements like burns on there faces that catch everyones eye when they go out, do you ever wonder how they might feel ?]
would you be interested in dating someone like that ?
or people who dont have all there limbs ? how about a date with someone like that ?
or would you prefere a real lovely looking girl who only has eyes for you and she will change your life around for you were you will be happy ?
forget it all my friend and focus on you and how your going to do things in your life that you enjoy doing
do you fish ? play sports ? any sort of outside activity that will get you out of your home and out and about ?
there really is so much you can do just for you that will make you more happy within yourself
but its down to you to put the effort in
do you have a drink problem ? do you attend aa meetings ? for me they got me out and about and amonst people were i have made some great firends and i am no longer feeling alone in this world anymore
time for some real mental work outs of doing things you dont want to do its great fun
seriously my friend we have all been there locked up in our own pain and sadness but we have to come out of it
if we sit there doing nothing then that's exactly what we will get back is nothing
you talk about being ugly ? have you seen people who have face disfigurements like burns on there faces that catch everyones eye when they go out, do you ever wonder how they might feel ?]
would you be interested in dating someone like that ?
or people who dont have all there limbs ? how about a date with someone like that ?
or would you prefere a real lovely looking girl who only has eyes for you and she will change your life around for you were you will be happy ?
forget it all my friend and focus on you and how your going to do things in your life that you enjoy doing
do you fish ? play sports ? any sort of outside activity that will get you out of your home and out and about ?
there really is so much you can do just for you that will make you more happy within yourself
but its down to you to put the effort in
do you have a drink problem ? do you attend aa meetings ? for me they got me out and about and amonst people were i have made some great firends and i am no longer feeling alone in this world anymore
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
I'm sorry you feel so down. When I don't feel like taking care of myself I try to focus on taking care of something else. How about today finding your own purpose. You could start here in the safety of this forum. Make today's purpose to help someone else. Find some posts you relate to and post your own ideas or advice. It sounds counter-productive to look beyond yourself but you might find that by helping others you also help yourself. Sending you a big hug.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
I'm sorry you feel so down at this time.
My suggestion is for you to take action, do something, do one thing that helps you to feel better today. And doing something for someone else is a good place to start.
My suggestion is for you to take action, do something, do one thing that helps you to feel better today. And doing something for someone else is a good place to start.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Skywalker - I agree with everyone that getting out of your head would be essential. Posting here is great and please keep doing that, but being locked inside the house all the time can be brutal on our mental health. If you don't feel comfortable reaching out to people in the 3D world yet, maybe just go for walks in an area that you find interesting, relaxing, beautiful, or anything you enjoy seeing. No need for hard exercise, just get outside a bit. I know it's not easy to be helpful to others when we feel depressed but it can help shift the focus a little.
Could you maybe start to set small goals and start to work towards them? Eg. going on a small walk daily or so... changing something in your diet... making a few posts on SR on other people's threads daily... whatever you can, little things. They might help snap you out of the funk a bit and then you might feel more inspired to do more.
Trying a few meetings might also be good: there no one would care about your age or how you look and you could see others who are familiar with serious emotional pain and some solutions.
Could you maybe start to set small goals and start to work towards them? Eg. going on a small walk daily or so... changing something in your diet... making a few posts on SR on other people's threads daily... whatever you can, little things. They might help snap you out of the funk a bit and then you might feel more inspired to do more.
Trying a few meetings might also be good: there no one would care about your age or how you look and you could see others who are familiar with serious emotional pain and some solutions.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I believe there's purpose and meaning where you find it. Please don't give up on you. Even if others do. You have this shot at life... make of it what you will/can. Start with small changes, as Haennie said. Small steps, changes.
Make room for one or two things you can enjoy without others' approval... if work and exercise are all you're doing, try and do something fun or relaxing to break up the monotony.
Make room for one or two things you can enjoy without others' approval... if work and exercise are all you're doing, try and do something fun or relaxing to break up the monotony.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Originally Posted by haennie 
Skywalker - I agree with everyone that getting out of your head would be essential. Posting here is great and please keep doing that, but being locked inside the house all the time can be brutal on our mental health. If you don't feel comfortable reaching out to people in the 3D world yet, maybe just go for walks in an area that you find interesting, relaxing, beautiful, or anything you enjoy seeing. No need for hard exercise, just get outside a bit. I know it's not easy to be helpful to others when we feel depressed but it can help shift the focus a little.
Could you maybe start to set small goals and start to work towards them? Eg. going on a small walk daily or so... changing something in your diet... making a few posts on SR on other people's threads daily... whatever you can, little things. They might help snap you out of the funk a bit and then you might feel more inspired to do more.
Trying a few meetings might also be good: there no one would care about your age or how you look and you could see others who are familiar with serious emotional pain and some solutions.
Could you maybe start to set small goals and start to work towards them? Eg. going on a small walk daily or so... changing something in your diet... making a few posts on SR on other people's threads daily... whatever you can, little things. They might help snap you out of the funk a bit and then you might feel more inspired to do more.
Trying a few meetings might also be good: there no one would care about your age or how you look and you could see others who are familiar with serious emotional pain and some solutions.
These are great suggestions, all of them. I especially agree with just getting outside even if you aren't ready to fully engage. I often feel very lonely where I am. Sometimes I don't know how to meet or talk to new people, but just going out and being around other people helps. Just sit in a cafe and have a coffee or something. You don't have to make eye contact or talk to anyone, just being around other human beings can be helpful.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: WI
Posts: 529
Yep. Sometimes, our purpose is only to watch the clouds in the sky or the bees pollinating the flowers. I'm in the process of divorce, at the age of 55, and I get really down about it. I was diagnosed as clinically depressed years ago and the simplest little thing can make me plunge down into the depths.
Last night, I walked over to the lake and tried to see the meteor shower. I only saw one meteor, but it was really bright. Yay! That little break from the normal routine really helped me.
Last night, I walked over to the lake and tried to see the meteor shower. I only saw one meteor, but it was really bright. Yay! That little break from the normal routine really helped me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 47
Originally Posted by Windancer
Im sorry you feel that way MasterSkyWalker. I have often felt that will, and likely will again. I try to remember in my dark moments that "This too, shall pass". Even though we may feel like pain is eternal and will never end, it indeed does .
Are you seeing a therapist for your feelings? Or if that isn't an option, it appears something in your life requires tweaking.......How long have you been sober? I know it takes a while for our minds and bodies to recover after such abuse from booze. Im only on day 10 of sobriety and I really have a roller coaster of emotions.....
. Are you seeing a therapist for your feelings? Or if that isn't an option, it appears something in your life requires tweaking.......How long have you been sober? I know it takes a while for our minds and bodies to recover after such abuse from booze. Im only on day 10 of sobriety and I really have a roller coaster of emotions.....
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
Originally Posted by MasterSkywalker
i had 62 days clean as of august 3rd and then I slipped one day, been sober 10 days after that... I don't see a therapist until the 21st for my mental issues... im not sure I can afford to attend outpatient alcohol counseling since im on a budget and cant afford to waste gas... ill never be comfortable going to a meeting with strangers... ive tried in years past and I always cant deal with it... I get physically sick when im around people who I don't know... I have to shop at 12am because society makes me ill... I don't like people... so I guess since im not motivated to change that, ill always be this way...
i went to meetings and sat at the back i didnt have to do anything as the people came to me
they gave me phone numbers and told me to call them if i was feeling down or low or lonely etc
some would even pop over to keep me company and i found i actualy liked it now with not being on my own
so from one simple little thing i did it just grew over time into a totaly new way of living
i had all those doubts and fears in my head like you have
ie i dont like people, i dont like this or that, i dont want to do this or i dont want to do that
i couldn't see it was my own head and how it thinks that might be a problem for me
also i was just so full of fear but again i didnt know it was fear till much later on
its so very scary to let go of what we are so used to doing even if it means staying indoors were we are safe, for me i had to just make a start
putting one foot in front of the other
but it is really up to you what you do as no one will force you, if you want a way out there is one
have you thought about ringing up the aa hotline number and having a chat with them ?
if you told them how you feel i am sure they would arrange someone to come out and chat to you 1 to 1 ? there is no selling involved and you can tell them to go to hell it would only be offered if you thought it might help you as your scared of being in crowds etc
good luck to you
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by MasterSkywalker
.. so I guess since im not motivated to change that, ill always be this way...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
MS, I completely agree with Scott and others here. You CAN make a change and you are worth it. Your story is not unique and your addiction compounds your social anxiety issues.
The changes you need to make might be uncomfortable at first but will be better in the long run.
Back in my late 20's i spent nearly 2 years cooped up in a condo. I went to work, but other than that, I stayed alone, mornings, nights and weekends. I didn't participate with friends or family on anything. It was a terrible cycle.
I drove myself crazy. I was drinking so much and each morning I would wake up and tell myself that was the last day of drinking for me. Each night when i came home from work, I had forgotten about my plan not to drink and it was game on!
Once I broke the isolation cycle, my life got much better. Although I was still drinking heavily, participation with the outside world made a huge impact on my mental and physical states.
Fast forward a decade or so and i'm finally on day 39.
Take little steps toward improving your ability to get out and socialize. As others have suggested go on walks where it will not be crowded, see if there are any hobbies you might enjoy; this might take trying a few that you don't think you will enjoy right now, but you haven't tried yet.
You can do this, you need to be positive about moving forward.
You CAN do this and we will support you as much as we can. You have to put forth the effort, though, for any type of change to manifest itself into the life you want to be living.
I am assuming you DO want to live a better life since you are reaching out here for help.
Best of luck MS!
The changes you need to make might be uncomfortable at first but will be better in the long run.
Back in my late 20's i spent nearly 2 years cooped up in a condo. I went to work, but other than that, I stayed alone, mornings, nights and weekends. I didn't participate with friends or family on anything. It was a terrible cycle.
I drove myself crazy. I was drinking so much and each morning I would wake up and tell myself that was the last day of drinking for me. Each night when i came home from work, I had forgotten about my plan not to drink and it was game on!
Once I broke the isolation cycle, my life got much better. Although I was still drinking heavily, participation with the outside world made a huge impact on my mental and physical states.
Fast forward a decade or so and i'm finally on day 39.
Take little steps toward improving your ability to get out and socialize. As others have suggested go on walks where it will not be crowded, see if there are any hobbies you might enjoy; this might take trying a few that you don't think you will enjoy right now, but you haven't tried yet.
You can do this, you need to be positive about moving forward.
You CAN do this and we will support you as much as we can. You have to put forth the effort, though, for any type of change to manifest itself into the life you want to be living.
I am assuming you DO want to live a better life since you are reaching out here for help.
Best of luck MS!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,235
There is a purpose in life. You will
eventually realize that being sober
and passing on how you have remained
sober, healthy and happy to the newcomer
is your purpose.
It certainly is mine and has been for
24 yrs. I had to get out of my selfishness,
self-centeredness, learn a program of
recovery, the hows and whys it affects
me mentally, physically, emotionally as
well as spiritually.
In time, I realized that I am just one
of many in this world. That it takes
many of us to make a difference in
the world of recovery, life.
The longer I move away from my addiction
each day I don't drink and incorporate some
important tools of recovery consisting of
steps and principles in my everyday life,
the more healthier I get in mind, body and
soul.
No one just miraculously get sober or clean
without some work done on ourselves. We
have to learn to clear away the clutter of
our past demons of guilt, remorse, lieing,
stealing, cheating, loathing, selfishness,
and many other character defects that sit
heavy on our shoulders.
Working with a recovery program to help
remain sober or clean, work with a physician
for medical issues, our chemical imbalances,
physical pain, work with theraphyist for
physcological problems, and a Faith in a
Power greater than ourselves that we find
in church, or religious upbringing, nature,
or whatever you choose to strengthen you.
It takes time and work and slowly you will
receive all those little miracles in recovery
and life that we are blessed with and grateful
for.
Find someone you see the good in and
quietly follow them, not stalk them by
no means...lol, but look to them and say
to urself, hey, that is who id like to be like.
I want what he or she has. Find out how
they are living and follow in their footsteps
and you will see the results are pretty positive.
eventually realize that being sober
and passing on how you have remained
sober, healthy and happy to the newcomer
is your purpose.
It certainly is mine and has been for
24 yrs. I had to get out of my selfishness,
self-centeredness, learn a program of
recovery, the hows and whys it affects
me mentally, physically, emotionally as
well as spiritually.
In time, I realized that I am just one
of many in this world. That it takes
many of us to make a difference in
the world of recovery, life.
The longer I move away from my addiction
each day I don't drink and incorporate some
important tools of recovery consisting of
steps and principles in my everyday life,
the more healthier I get in mind, body and
soul.
No one just miraculously get sober or clean
without some work done on ourselves. We
have to learn to clear away the clutter of
our past demons of guilt, remorse, lieing,
stealing, cheating, loathing, selfishness,
and many other character defects that sit
heavy on our shoulders.
Working with a recovery program to help
remain sober or clean, work with a physician
for medical issues, our chemical imbalances,
physical pain, work with theraphyist for
physcological problems, and a Faith in a
Power greater than ourselves that we find
in church, or religious upbringing, nature,
or whatever you choose to strengthen you.
It takes time and work and slowly you will
receive all those little miracles in recovery
and life that we are blessed with and grateful
for.
Find someone you see the good in and
quietly follow them, not stalk them by
no means...lol, but look to them and say
to urself, hey, that is who id like to be like.
I want what he or she has. Find out how
they are living and follow in their footsteps
and you will see the results are pretty positive.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 47
you're all correct... although being 12 days sober im not ready to journey out and be around strangers... ive been to AA tons of times and each time it has been a terrible experience with the members ignoring me and not talking to me... i told them i was a newcomer and it didnt matter, they looked at me like i was lying to them, like i wasnt serious...
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