is there a purpose?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
I'd like a little more info too Master S. 
You're not alone, a lot of us do suffer from social anxiety, and find it hard to make small talk let alone meaningful relationships.
If you talk about it a little more maybe we can help you and you'll be helping us in turn?
D
You're not alone, a lot of us do suffer from social anxiety, and find it hard to make small talk let alone meaningful relationships.
If you talk about it a little more maybe we can help you and you'll be helping us in turn?
D
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: CA.....Hometown : Sioux Falls
Posts: 2,624
I'm home almost all the time and live out of town. I have problems with people too. Seems all my life I've been crapped on, abused or invisible. Never fit in. I have social anxiety but only around certain types of people and certain places. Like crowds or even support groups. I FORCE myself out once a week. One place I enjoy going to is a second hand store. Nobody gets judged there and they are courteous and friendly, average down to earth people. People smile.No snobs yet. Almost all are alone like me. Sometimes I'll find a real bargain or just buy some little thing. Just a suggestion..it helps me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 47
Originally Posted by Melina 
What would be the most positive and welcoming way someone could help you, Master Skywalker? What does assistance and recovery look like to you? What would be your best case scenario for stopping drinking and getting on with a great life sober?
Paint the picture for me. I know there are a lot of snobby and rude ppl around. I've been lucky that I've never met one in my searches to get sober but I do have to deal with them at my job everyday.
I want more information on the rude and snobby ppl that surround your attempts at getting sober so we can shoot them all down with SR awesomeness.
My best,
Melina
Paint the picture for me. I know there are a lot of snobby and rude ppl around. I've been lucky that I've never met one in my searches to get sober but I do have to deal with them at my job everyday.
I want more information on the rude and snobby ppl that surround your attempts at getting sober so we can shoot them all down with SR awesomeness.
My best,
Melina
ok, i will explain the times i had gone to AA here and had bad experiences... one time i went, and they asked for newcomers, i raised my hand... they preceded with the meeting and not talk about being new to the program... they had whatever topic THEY wanted to talk about... after the meeting, NOT one person came to me, NOT one and im NOT lying... the next day i went to the same meeting, and another new person came in... well they treated this guy like he was a saint or something, talked about being a new member and afterwards gave him a sheet filled with numbers... WHY NOT ME? why was i excluded from this group? other meetings i had gone too went the same way... i would raise my hand, say im new, they would continue on with their meeting and after it was over... nothing... i was like a void to them and it really hurt me... why am i so different? i never said anything out of place, i always passed and said id like to listen... i mean, it pisses me off to think these people didnt want me around.. like they were ALL better than me... how can i have faith in something when the people involved are such snobs...
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
I've been following your path for a few weeks now and I got to tell you: AA ain't for you. Sobriety through other people ain't for you. You and the majority of people in the world are not going to get along in any endeavor. I like you. You have sense. but you think the key is other people. It isn't. The key is you.
Sobriety is very simple.
I don't drink.
That's it. All there is.
Sobriety is very simple.
I don't drink.
That's it. All there is.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: CA.....Hometown : Sioux Falls
Posts: 2,624
I'm going this alone. I have no people and no support, just here. I used Rational Recovery/AVRT and here a couple of years ago and got to 2 months. A friend gave me a pain med for my shoulder and that's all it took and I returned to drinking. It activated my addiction. I'm using the same method. If you search "rational recovery crash course" there is how the whole thing works. in a few pages. There's more to the site and a book called Rational Recovery if needed, but this is a great start. There's one thing you can try.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Tennessee,USA
Posts: 94
Master skywalker,you are giving these snobs and rude people way too much power. You mentioned you had a lot of anxiety,is it possible that at the meeting you were timid and gave off an impression that you were very uncomfortable with people speaking with you.
I am one of the world's biggest loner. In the past I've had severe mental and anxiety issues.
My personna of people were,they are rude or they don't like me. When in reality it was me giving the vibes to them that I didn't like them. The not making eye contact or me delibertley going the long way around just so I wouldn't crosspaths and have to speak. After my anxiety issus got better, I found out that if I gave someone a warm hello with eye contact,that's what I got in return.
I'm not trying to put stuff in your head,saying it's your fault. I just see some of myself in the things you said. I always thought it was the other person with the faults. Instead it was me.
I am one of the world's biggest loner. In the past I've had severe mental and anxiety issues.
My personna of people were,they are rude or they don't like me. When in reality it was me giving the vibes to them that I didn't like them. The not making eye contact or me delibertley going the long way around just so I wouldn't crosspaths and have to speak. After my anxiety issus got better, I found out that if I gave someone a warm hello with eye contact,that's what I got in return.
I'm not trying to put stuff in your head,saying it's your fault. I just see some of myself in the things you said. I always thought it was the other person with the faults. Instead it was me.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by autumn2
Master skywalker,you are giving these snobs and rude people way too much power.
You are looking for something residing outside of yourself...like someone else has the key in their pocket and they are refusing to give it.
I was both empowered and freaked out when I realized that the most inhospitable place I encountered was the one within me. I was who I was trying to escape...
Those others got nothing you need...it's in you. Yup, you are going to continue to get picked last for the team simply because you so desperately want to be picked...you are giving a bunch of others the power to validate you. Ain't their job.
You need to validate you. Do you want to be your friend? You need to find some light within you to start kicking some azz within yourself. Get up in that ogre's grill and knock it down to size.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Hampshire, UK
Posts: 53
I can feel your pain, and I understand it too - im on day 7 and only this week realising how empty my life has become. Alcohol covered that up for me - not anymore.
Like everyone has said, we need to plan, we need to do things that we find difficult in order to make them easier. (How hard that's gonna be can't be underestimated.)
Right now, SR is my link to people.
Like everyone has said, we need to plan, we need to do things that we find difficult in order to make them easier. (How hard that's gonna be can't be underestimated.)
Right now, SR is my link to people.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 47
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
Both Autumn and Trach have nailed it here in my books.
You are looking for something residing outside of yourself...like someone else has the key in their pocket and they are refusing to give it.
I was both empowered and freaked out when I realized that the most inhospitable place I encountered was the one within me. I was who I was trying to escape...
Those others got nothing you need...it's in you. Yup, you are going to continue to get picked last for the team simply because you so desperately want to be picked...you are giving a bunch of others the power to validate you. Ain't their job.
You need to validate you. Do you want to be your friend? You need to find some light within you to start kicking some azz within yourself. Get up in that ogre's grill and knock it down to size.
You are looking for something residing outside of yourself...like someone else has the key in their pocket and they are refusing to give it.
I was both empowered and freaked out when I realized that the most inhospitable place I encountered was the one within me. I was who I was trying to escape...
Those others got nothing you need...it's in you. Yup, you are going to continue to get picked last for the team simply because you so desperately want to be picked...you are giving a bunch of others the power to validate you. Ain't their job.
You need to validate you. Do you want to be your friend? You need to find some light within you to start kicking some azz within yourself. Get up in that ogre's grill and knock it down to size.
i dont understand where you're coming from... since i have a huge reading comprehension issue, words dont register correctly with me...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 638
Have you tried something like a smaller group or meeting with only few people, making ignoring you impossible? Sometimes it's hard to figure out what goes on in people's minds. But they just went on with the meeting, maybe nobody actually noticed you?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 468
Originally Posted by Melina
What would be the most positive and welcoming way someone could help you, Master Skywalker? What does assistance and recovery look like to you? What would be your best case scenario for stopping drinking and getting on with a great life sober?
Meanwhile, dare I say, you seem to be focusing on the negative.
Some suggestions:
Try a book or two on positive thinking, such as James Allen's "As A Man Thinketh".
Try looking for a few things to appreciate every day, even if they are small things that no one else would understand.
At the end of the day, try looking back and remembering the good things or moments of the day.
Try deciding on one or two things to accomplish every day. Again, they could be little things that only matter to you. That might give you a little something to look back on and be satisfied about.
Try going to AA meetings and being the one who goes up to the shy one, the newcomer, the outsider to say "hello, how's it going?" Lead by example!
See whether you can find ways to improve your situation or even just your outlook. If you think you can't, then you can't. BUT, if you think you can, then you can!
Best wishes,
K
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 47
Originally Posted by ForgetfulKevin
Master S, I would also be interested to know your answers to Melina's questions.
Meanwhile, dare I say, you seem to be focusing on the negative.
Some suggestions:
Try a book or two on positive thinking, such as James Allen's "As A Man Thinketh".
Try looking for a few things to appreciate every day, even if they are small things that no one else would understand.
At the end of the day, try looking back and remembering the good things or moments of the day.
Try deciding on one or two things to accomplish every day. Again, they could be little things that only matter to you. That might give you a little something to look back on and be satisfied about.
Try going to AA meetings and being the one who goes up to the shy one, the newcomer, the outsider to say "hello, how's it going?" Lead by example!
See whether you can find ways to improve your situation or even just your outlook. If you think you can't, then you can't. BUT, if you think you can, then you can!
Best wishes,
K
Meanwhile, dare I say, you seem to be focusing on the negative.
Some suggestions:
Try a book or two on positive thinking, such as James Allen's "As A Man Thinketh".
Try looking for a few things to appreciate every day, even if they are small things that no one else would understand.
At the end of the day, try looking back and remembering the good things or moments of the day.
Try deciding on one or two things to accomplish every day. Again, they could be little things that only matter to you. That might give you a little something to look back on and be satisfied about.
Try going to AA meetings and being the one who goes up to the shy one, the newcomer, the outsider to say "hello, how's it going?" Lead by example!
See whether you can find ways to improve your situation or even just your outlook. If you think you can't, then you can't. BUT, if you think you can, then you can!
Best wishes,
K
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by MasterSkywalker
well maybe if you understood depression, which i have, then it would be easy to see why i am negative and unmotivated...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 47
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
Many people here have depression and understand it very clearly, along with with a host of other psychological and physical ailments. While they can be debilitating, they are treatable and separate from alcoholism. Help is available if you should choose to accept it.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
I have battled depression my entire life. A couple years ago, I was involuntarily hospitalized and diagnosed with a psychological condition. Depression is one symptom of the condition. I take medications for my condition now, which reduce but not eliminate the symptoms.
Alcohol consumption makes depression worse, and it flushes any medications of of your body.
Alcohol consumption makes depression worse, and it flushes any medications of of your body.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
You asked in the OP... What is left? Why exist? You seem to be depressed and you don't like yourself at the moment, is that right?
I'm just trying to grasp where you are coming from, what your goal might be.
So no one is accepting of you, and you don't accept yourself yet. That is a very tough place. I've been there. I was there last year. And I sometimes bounce back into that hard place of struggling hard to find what I like about myself.
I do know one thing... I don't need others to like me, or validate me, or want to be around me. I exist. I am. I choose to just run with that.
I look forward to the sunrise, the sunset, my coffee. It's those little things. My cats, my dog. My books.
None of those require other people to like me. None of them actually require me to like myself! In fact, my dog likes the hell out of me and that's a nice feeling. She likes me much more than I like myself at times!
There are plenty of small things (that are actually big things) to live for.
I'm just trying to grasp where you are coming from, what your goal might be.
So no one is accepting of you, and you don't accept yourself yet. That is a very tough place. I've been there. I was there last year. And I sometimes bounce back into that hard place of struggling hard to find what I like about myself.
I do know one thing... I don't need others to like me, or validate me, or want to be around me. I exist. I am. I choose to just run with that.
I look forward to the sunrise, the sunset, my coffee. It's those little things. My cats, my dog. My books.
None of those require other people to like me. None of them actually require me to like myself! In fact, my dog likes the hell out of me and that's a nice feeling. She likes me much more than I like myself at times!
There are plenty of small things (that are actually big things) to live for.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 468
Originally Posted by MasterSkywalker
yes and i have been waiting 4 months to see a therapist too. its not like im sitting here doing nothing... please dont assume things about me...
They might be able to prescribe something that would help while you are waiting to see a therapist.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
This afternoon I was sorting out my NFL fantasy team ahead of the season kick off in a few weeks time, and I thought about how much fun it is to interact with other people throughout the season in one of the many thousands of fantasy leagues across the world, everyone pulled together because of a common interest!!
Remembering your a football fan, I wondered if it was something that you could get involved in, meet others, chat, football being the common interest?
Just thought I'd throw that out there as an activity suggestion!!
Remembering your a football fan, I wondered if it was something that you could get involved in, meet others, chat, football being the common interest?
Just thought I'd throw that out there as an activity suggestion!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: East Coast of the US
Posts: 283
Hey guys,
I've been reading this thread, and I just wanted to say thank you. I know your comments are directed to MS, but there is so much wisdom and great advice here, just reading all your suggestions ended up helping me! I'm really grateful for that.
So thanks to MS for starting this thread, and thanks to everyone for responding, because like I said, it helped me greatly and I'm sure it will help anyone else who reads it.
I've been reading this thread, and I just wanted to say thank you. I know your comments are directed to MS, but there is so much wisdom and great advice here, just reading all your suggestions ended up helping me! I'm really grateful for that.
So thanks to MS for starting this thread, and thanks to everyone for responding, because like I said, it helped me greatly and I'm sure it will help anyone else who reads it.
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