MrBen

I relapsed a few weeks ago and haven't stopped drinking until today. I cut down before I quit this time and am experiencing no withdrawal, which is good. I've also been smoking again. As I always do when drinking.

There was no big reason for my relapse, just stress and I think, arrogance that I could handle it. Luckily I managed to keep my job through this, although I'm sure co-workers must have noticed me sweating and red eyed certain mornings. I only missed one particularly early start when I couldn't stop throwing up.

A few days ago I decided that I wasn't going to give up all I've worked for drinking and decided to cut down and quit. I'm having some cravings for smoking but not drinking, I have a fitness test on sunday and it is absolutely essential I don't smoke. Frankly, I'm cutting it fine as it is.

I'm dissappointed in myself and trying not to dwell on things and instead look to the future. I made a choice, a bad one. Now I need to start again, there's no short cuts here. That's pretty much where I am right now, I need to work on myself and the reasons I drink more. It'll take time, patience and sometimes it will be tough.

So here we go, new sobriety date 13th august 2014. Lets do this.

GracieLou

Welcome back. I am glad you are here and got back on the horse.

This is a good start. It is simple but not easy. Hang in there!

Cowgirlie

Oh hey Mr Ben, I enjoyed reading your posts; sorry to hear you've been drinking and smoking again but I totally believe you can do this! Welcome back

FreeOwl

welcome back....

let's make this a tremendous comeback story.

You can do this, and we're here to help.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back MrBen!!

Go at it again with a new plan, you can do this!!

Raider

Very glad to see you back.

IOAA2

Hi. Great you made it back. I and many didn’t make sobriety our main goal and I almost gave up after 2 years of beating myself. Being undisciplined sure didn’t help either. Things changed when I was finally able to get honest with myself about MY drinking and accept the fact I cannot drink alcohol in safety. In other I needed to surrender my old habits and thinking and it was a time to start working and doing things I didn’t want to.

BE WELL

jezza

Hey Welcome back Mr Ben!! Don't beat yourself up too much.. I had a nasty relapse as well about the same time as you... Must have had something to do with the moon!!

songthread

Welcome back - you can do this!

not2late

Welcome back. Stay with us. I've been flip topping and it has to stop. August 12 for me.

HighOnFreedom

Mr.Ben, im sorry to hear of the relapse!! As we all know we have relapses under our belt!! The most important thing is that you recognized it and got back up!! Many use the fact they relapsed as a reason to stay where they are.. You can and will conquer it, remain strong stay close to whatever it is that gives you hope in life and strength!! Its not how you fall, its how you get up!! You life is to valuable to stay in bondage to a liquid that will destroy everything you have ever worked for... There are many things out there that you can peace in rather than alcohol!! Stand up and Stay Strong!!

CuteNGayYay

Welcome back Mr.Ben. I was just welcomed back 4 days ago.. learn from it. put it behind and kick some serious a*s!

SoberHoopsFan

Welcome back, you had some sober time before, just build off of that and maybe tweak some things if they weren't working.

SoberComposer

Great job on catching yourself and stopping! As we know, the delusion of alcohol enjoyment is blinding, unforgiving, and so easy to slip into years or decades. It sounds like you know what you want out of life though and drinking is not in it. I feel mistakes are to learn from and not grieve over so I hope your feeling good about catching yourself and quitting

Dee74

Welcome back Mr Ben - what do you think you need to do differently this time?

D

MrBen

Thanks guys, all the support is much appreciated.

I need to work on my emotional issues, mainly anxiety, stop beating myself up so much. For example working 7 days a week because I'm on a zero hours contract and am paranoid about not getting work next month, it's not worth it if it makes me want to drink when I get home.

I'm trying to implement this "be kinder to yourself" mantra regarding my training on Sunday, I can't control it, all I can do is prepare and hope for the best. All this time worrying is time wasted and is damaging my recovery.

Same with my weight. I know I'm overweight, I can't worry the pounds off. I make a diet, I stick to it and monitor my progress, that's all I can do.

I've starting making to do lists and I spend an hour in the afternoon to consider my problems and think of the most pragmatic way of dealing with them, then write tomorrow's list. This allows me a kind of "worry period" where if I'm anxious I can think "well I'll think about this properly later" and turn my mind to something else.

I'm still feeling quite anxious at the moment but I'm still coming off alcohol and my problems always spike a few days after quitting, so I'm thinking that's temporary.