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Old 08-13-2014, 04:56 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Guilt


I had 8 months of sobriety before my 1 day relapse and now I am at 1 month or so. I have stopped counting days as religiously as before.

I feel huge guilt and shame over my relapse. My parents told me that they cried. My dad looks like he has aged. It is just the two of us in the house at the moment.

It's hard at the moment. I don't have a job so...I am signing up for volunteer work and hopefully I will get volunteer work teaching English to some guy from Madagascar a few hours a week. Teaching is what I am qualified in and I would be happy to do this.

I feel like I am waiting for something. I don't know what though.
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Old 08-13-2014, 05:08 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi Tetra, I'm also not working and it does sap your morale. I've started volunteering for the Salvation Army and it's helped a lot. Plus they seem to always have cakes and donuts, lol.

Do you see yourself relapsing again, or has it put you off forever?
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Old 08-13-2014, 05:11 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Don't let 1/270 of your former behavior bring you down. You drank 1 day out of 270. Then you quit again. Sounds like a victory to me.

I firmly believe that my AV will use anything, including reinforcing negative self-image emotions, to get me to drink again. Blame any thoughts that lead to drinking again on your AV, dismiss them, get on with improving your life.
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Old 08-13-2014, 05:44 AM   #4 (permalink)
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1 drink in 9 months is still good going!!

Small steps Tetra, hang in there!!
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Old 08-13-2014, 06:01 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I agree with the others, try not to beat yourself up too much or wallow in the guilt. You managed to pick yourself up quickly and got right back on track, try to focus on that. It didn't turn into days/weeks and you nipped it in the bud quickly.
I think volunteering is a great idea! I know if I were unemployed again, that is def. a route I will take to get out of myself and help others.
Hang in there
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Old 08-13-2014, 06:39 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Try to focus on moving forward with your life. Let go of the mistakes and guilt involved and try to figure out a way to get a job you enjoy and some independence.
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Old 08-13-2014, 06:58 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi, Tetra.

I'm with Anna on the part about trying out your wings and gradually developing some independence.

I think your sense of self-worth should come from your own positive achievements and attributes (as well as from the HP, who "don't make no junk"). I fear that now you are too defined by your parents' every fleeting mood.

The counselor told your dad that your small relapse was only a blip. It's on him if he's still all torn up over it. You have proved that you've already moved far beyond your relapse.

I think your parents need counseling, probably even more than you do.
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Old 08-13-2014, 07:43 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Tetra,

Congrats on a month or so! Have you tried a program of recovery? AA has worked really well for me and has helped with the "What am I waiting for" moments : ) All the best to you!
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Old 08-13-2014, 08:28 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Well, I've just applied for four new jobs and had a cup of green tea and I feel a bit brighter.

I tend to feel better when I set myself XYZ things to do throughout the day.
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Old 08-13-2014, 10:38 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Everyone needs some kind of purpose, Tetra. It keeps you focused. I hope you wind up getting a job that works for you.
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I realized I could probably go on drinking like this for maybe two or three more years, or live for another two or three decades...but not both. Suddenly the choice became crystal clear.
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Old 08-13-2014, 10:41 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Congrats on all your sober days. That really rocks.
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