Thatdeliveryguy

After to responding to one of my other post on here from the other day I realized something! Take a deep breath, I know a community of addicts is going to be surprised by this, I LIE! Yep I am a liar, I lie often, I lie to others, I lie to myself, hell I lie just because if I didn't it makes me feel like something is out of place.

It only took many months of relapse, disappointing everyone around me, almost losing my job ( now actually think about quitting for health reasons), and even more lost friendships and support around me to realize I LIE.

Why do I lie, I suppose I lie because of fear of disappointment, rejection, making things that are half right good, I don't even know why sometimes, I suppose lying in and of itself is addicting.

Why am I saying this in a newcomers forum, well I am saying this because I am certain many of you have/do lie. After my latest relapse, I haven't been perfect I still lie, but I am trying to identify when I do it make it right, and or just telling the truth.

As strange as it sounds be honest has had less of a fall out then I originally thought. I think lying is one of the components that add to our addictive behavior and that secrecy keeps the habit going. So in an effort to stop the cycle and help people help me, I am trying as hard as I can to kill the liar that lies within. Can't say I won't ever lie again, but just like stopping drinking, no lying doesn't hurt. And most of all it most certainly is one of the tools I am using in my sobriety this time around.

TDG, stay safe and sober friends

Isabel9885

Thanks for your post. I identify myself as a lying alcoholic. Everything you wrote rang true with me. Good luck in your recovery.

IWillWin

Yeah - my pants were on fire too. Alcohol inevitably led to lying...and lying...and then lying some more just because. Hell, I even lied to people about things they knew to be 100% true and I did so with a straight face and fake tears. Ugh.

I have been working toward living the most honest life I can in my sobriety. Most importantly, honesty with myself. I believed my own bulls*#t for a long time and look where that got me. Honesty within brings me serenity the majority of the time - 2 years sober and going strong

Thanks for your post - it made me think about truth in my life and I appreciate the reminder.

DrakeCKC

Addiction/lying go hand in hand... especially to ourselves.

Ptcapote

I think lying kind of becomes second nature to addicts because we spend so much of our time hiding or excusing our behavior. God only knows, I lied about everything. Even things it made absolutely no sense to lie about.

The worst part was I am the absolute crappiest liar in the universe, always have been. Add to that fact that I couldn't remember whom I told what to? It was like the worst soap opera/reality show on the planet. I had the same person dying multiple times in one year because I couldn't remember that I had already used that excuse for one of my all-too-frequent absences from work. I was too nervous about karma to kill anyone "real" so these relatives were all fictionalized but still...when your co-workers remember who is dead and who isn't in your own family? That's some jacked up stuff.

Even when I stopped drinking, it took me awhile to stop lying. It was automatic. It would just happen before I was even cognizant what was happening. And, again, stupid, inconsequential stuff.

12 Step programs basically make being honest (really honest, even about the hard stuff) a cornerstone of recovery and, as you rightly surmised, most other drunks and addicts can tell a lie pretty easily so you don't get away with much. So I kind of had to reverse engineer my brain not to lie and, after a year or so of not doing it, I can tell you it comes much easier than lying these days. It's not always pretty, but at least it's real. I have gone back to people now even when I told a "white" lie (like "I was late because of traffic") because it weighed too heavy on my heart. They think I'm nuts...but it keeps my side of the street clean, so to speak.

Anyway, good topic and good decision on your part to stop. It'll definitely strengthen your reserve to stay sober. (And it's probably good for your karma too, if you believe in such things )

joshlyman

Hey-I lied about everything too. And I mean everything. Sometimes I went to bars alone and pretended to be an entirely different person. I could never remember what I said so if god forbid I ran into someone from that night it was horrible. And don't get me started on all the lies I told regarding money I spent on alcohol and drunken purchases. I'm sure American Express has a red flag next to my name because of how many charges I disputed because I never remembered actually making them.

So happy to live an honest life now! I still lie about things I don't have to lie about (petty stuff) but I'm growing and learning.

Thanks for sharing.

mapp

This is an excellent topic. Thank you...lots to acknowledge and mull over

Croissant

I wouldn't say I chronically lied in my personal life, (towards the end, I was so isolated, it was just myself I was lying to) - but work yes.

I remember my last lie. " I can't come in today, I'm sick".

That was the day I couldn't bear the lies anymore, to myself and to work because I was hungover.

It went against the whole grain of who I am. I couldn't take it anymore.

DrakeCKC

Very good point and so true.

PurpleKnight

My life became revolved around my addiction, facilitating it at any cost, so naturally lies came into the picture to hide, preserve the things in my life like my job and at the same time fuel my drinking!!

In hindsight it just made life so complicated and difficult!! Sobriety has made life a lot easier!!

Eddiebuckle

TDG,

The most insidious lies are the ones we tell ourselves; they are the basis of self delusion, which allows us to continue drinking and drugging as the consequences pile up. We continue to whistle past the graveyard, hanging on to the thought that tomorrow will somehow be different. This is how I spent a few decades of my life. For me, recognizing the lie for what it is was the first step in getting sober.

Thanks for sharing.

MichaelJo

Thanks for sharing.

I have lied to everyone I know. For money & To justify what I do. I lie to myself that I can find money to pay it back in a week. But, I can't. I never purposely work out how much money I have to pay out from my wages as I know what I owe is more than what I earn.

Starting to see that now.

I was addicted to everything by the way!

Although I am clean from all for 3 days.

GracieLou

We are as sick as our secrets.

It is a vicious cycle just like addiction. Once we lie then we are stuck in that hole. We need to lie to protect the lie. It never ends.

I was a call in sick liar but I never thought I outright lied until I learned that omitting the truth was also a lie. Not telling something for the purpose of getting what I wanted was no different than out right lying for the purpose of getting what I wanted.

It was manipulation and it took practice to stop doing it. I would be telling somebody something and the thought to say it a certain way or to leave out some enlightening information pops into my head. Today I can stop myself and say the truth.

This also helped me to not say things that I shouldn't just for the sake of being honest. At times I tried so hard to be honest that I hurt others. Basically I had to learn to keep my mouth shut if I determine that what I am going to say is really no help or maybe it is not my business to help.

I love and hate the tenth step. I hate admitting I am wrong and having to go back and apologize but I love it because it keeps me honest and helps me maintain my side of the street. I am responsible for my actions no matter what I am feeling at the time.

DisplacedGRITS

I was a habitual liar. I lied about everything and i lied to everyone. I had to lie. It was absolutely necessary for me to lie. I lied to live, i lived to lie and my life revolved around drinking and planning to drink. I lied to save my face. I lied because i had to. You don't drink the way i drank and not lie. It was all about survival. I would tell you the sky was orange on a clear blue day if that's what i thought i had to tell you to convince you that i was fine. Hell, i'd convince myself that the sky really was orange, that somehow, we'd been calling it blue all this time because someone down the line got orange and blue mixed up.

My lying was absolutely necessary. When i cast aside my lies, i found it impossible to drink. So long as i practice bear ass nekkid honesty, i find that my life cannot support drinking. It's not easy but a wise alcoholic once told me that i can either save my ass or my face. I've given up on saving my face. The miracle is that so long as i live in honesty, i find that i don't need to lie to save my face. My face simply isn't in constant peril anymore! I accept that i'm going to make mistakes in life. So long as i'm willing to be honest about my mistakes and accept the results of my actions, i don't have to lie. I don't have to drink.

IOAA2

Hi. For me I needed to get honest with myself about my drinking and things connected to my drinking. PERIOD! With that it was easier to accept the fact that I cannot drink in safety. That happened after drinking in misery for 2 years after joining the fellowship. I’m grateful I didn’t end up like RW, RIP.

BE WELL

aasharon90

Progress Not Perfection.

With a program of recovery and Faith,
I work towards, progress towards living
an honest, healthy life. It's not perfect
by no means because of some character
defects that still need tweeking, correcting,
but in time, one day at a time, I will
realize that being dishonest slows me
down.

One day, not too too terribly long ago,
I was released from that bondage of
self, lieing, unfaithfulness, and a gift,
miracle in recovery happened.

I was FREE. A FREEDOM I had not
experienced before and that was
enough to realize I like being FREE
and chose not to lie, be deceitful,
any longer.

I LUV FREEDOM in Recovery. Absolutely
FREE.

Now I can RIDE FREE.

You can too..!!

umuller

Good day to all,

Short summary: My daughter, 25 is now a recovering addict......1 week 3 days.

More than a week ago my daughter had a break down and told us about her using drugs and told us who got it for her and who used it with her. Now these people are making her out as being a liar and a crazy person. They say they don't know what she's talking about.

Now, my daughter was using only occasionally when she was visiting these people or they visiting her. We checked the facts and she is telling the truth. The other people however is using more frequently. At times, every day.

This morning my daughter got a message from the one telling my daughter how bad my daughter is and she should be ashamed to have told the things. How do I know who is lying and who is not??????

GracieLou

You don't. You can have faith and believe your daughter if you want or not.

At this point it does not really matter. If she is trying to get sober then concentrate on that. You can help, but only so much. She needs to take charge of her recovery.

If she remains sober the truth may eventually come out.

She can't blame others. It does not matter where she got it or who she used with. She was not forced. It was her choice to do it just as it is her choice to get and remain sober.

MIRecovery

My moment of truth came when a guy at an AA meeting said, "Hell, I lie about how long it takes me to mow my yard."

For the first time I saw myself for who I was not the fictional me that I had invented in my mind. This is when the whole mental house of cards came tumbling down and I started to realize that I had to make some major changes.

Charlie117926

TDG:

You could not have said it better. Your post is an exact picture of my life with addiction. I have lied so much to cover my issues (drinking / drugs) that you would not (or maybe you would) believe the lies I have slung against the wall to cover my butt.

My wife of 12 years is fairly naïve to alcohol / drugs and addiction. She has never used and in 12 years of marriage she has drank one time (wedding night.) I have lied, covered those lies with more lies.

When money is missing out comes the lies. Do you know how many times I have "tuned up my vehicle," "changed brakes" or "had to run to the hardware store" to "buy something to fix something" just to cover the lost dollars? Its a vicious, demented and sad cycle.

Do you know how many little "fender benders" I have been in to cover for my late days at the bars (said I would be home "late from work" when I am really at the bar.) Weird thing is I have no damage to my vehicle and no insurance claims. Hmm...how odd...more lies. Looking back, I am embarrassed.

This was one of the determining factors for me to get sober, as the guilt of the lies are too much and worse yet, lying to my own children. Now how sad is that. It's not just sad, Its abhorrent.

It's a sad day when you cant even look in the mirror and identify yourself as an upstanding husband and father.

Sorry for ranting so much about this, but your post really hit home with me. Stay strong TDG, you can do this.