Family dynamics in recovery...
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Deep South
Posts: 71
Family dynamics in recovery...
Preface: I work the 12 steps of AA, and I have been sober for five months and change. My father was/is an alcoholic, and my brother is an alcoholic/addict. Neither are or have ever been interested in recovery.
I've been really solid in my sobriety for the past couple months and it's been mostly great, a "pink cloud" if you will. Then, out of nowhere, my mom starts going for my jugular. Bashing my meetings and my sobriety with comments about how I'm "still awful" so why do I "even bother" with this, etc. I recently told my story at a speaker meeting, one of my siblings asked how it went, and she scoffed and rolled her eyes when I responded that it went well and I was glad I did it. It's been really hard and triggering to be around her, and unfortunately I have to live with her at this point in time. I've done my fifth step on her (it's looking like I might need to do another one) and made my amends to her. Things were fine until they weren't, and it's really sending my serenity into a tailspin. I'm being told this is codependent behavior for a caretaker but I don't really know what to do with that?? I don't understand, really, I have not spent much time on that side of the equation. I was kind of hoping someone here could shed some light on how to approach this situation, if I even should, or some perspective regarding why she seems bent on taking shots at my recovery all of a sudden...
I've been really solid in my sobriety for the past couple months and it's been mostly great, a "pink cloud" if you will. Then, out of nowhere, my mom starts going for my jugular. Bashing my meetings and my sobriety with comments about how I'm "still awful" so why do I "even bother" with this, etc. I recently told my story at a speaker meeting, one of my siblings asked how it went, and she scoffed and rolled her eyes when I responded that it went well and I was glad I did it. It's been really hard and triggering to be around her, and unfortunately I have to live with her at this point in time. I've done my fifth step on her (it's looking like I might need to do another one) and made my amends to her. Things were fine until they weren't, and it's really sending my serenity into a tailspin. I'm being told this is codependent behavior for a caretaker but I don't really know what to do with that?? I don't understand, really, I have not spent much time on that side of the equation. I was kind of hoping someone here could shed some light on how to approach this situation, if I even should, or some perspective regarding why she seems bent on taking shots at my recovery all of a sudden...
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
I'm not an expert but I know that relationships are complicated; family ones even more so. By getting sober you're finding your own power and strength and messing up the dynamics of your family. Maybe they're threatened by it? Maybe you getting better makes them feel worse? Maybe it's guilt?
I'm not sure. But I am sure that you have to do what's best for you. Sobriety is saving your life- stay the course!
Hopefully someone will have more concrete advise. Til then hang tough!
I'm not sure. But I am sure that you have to do what's best for you. Sobriety is saving your life- stay the course!
Hopefully someone will have more concrete advise. Til then hang tough!
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