Notices

help! I'm at the end mentally. Idk what to do

Old 08-11-2014, 09:35 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Us
Posts: 3
Unhappy help! I'm at the end mentally. Idk what to do

To make a long story short my boyfriend and I have been together going on 9 years on and off. We've had our ups and downs we had broken up and I started talking to someone else and he went crazy and turned to the roxys. He had also met a party girl who enabled him and didn't help the situation. He was heavily addicted for a year and a half. This girl had gotten pregnant and kept the baby(the whole time she's smoking these pills while pregnant) ,I was completely devastated. He has turned to dope. He swears up and down he wants to get clean and he doesn't want this is his life anymore. But he constantly everyday goes and buys it? I'm oblivious to drugs. I've never done them and never will. He keeps telling me he's going to get suboxones. But it's always dope everyday. And this child's mother freaks out on him and threatens to call the cops if he doesn't get her drugs. I'm at the end. I seriously don't know what to do anymore. All I want is for him to get clean. Get rid of her and get back to being him. I just want the guy back that I fell in love with. Please help. I don't know what to do anymore
Jaydee1014 is offline  
Old 08-11-2014, 09:44 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
MelindaFlowers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Jaydee,

You sound like a very sweet and caring person. Imagine what life would look like with a healthy guy? If you continue with this guy, the mother of the child will be in your life forever. Have you considered an Alanon meeting?
MelindaFlowers is offline  
Old 08-12-2014, 03:43 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Notmyrealname's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
End your relationship with this man and move on with your life. Life's too short to deal with an oxycontin-addicted guy who goes "crazy" who has a baby with a "party girl" who smokes oxy "all the time" even through pregnancy. That is not the team of horses to which you want to hitch your wagon.

Kenny Rogers told us "you gotta know when to hold 'em, you gotta know when to fold 'em" -- I think you're in the latter category at this point.

Good luck.
Notmyrealname is offline  
Old 08-12-2014, 03:55 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
GracieLou's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by Jaydee1014 View Post
I don't know what to do anymore
There is nothing you can do. He has to decide when or if he wants help and it does not appear he is there.

He keeps you hanging on with fake promises of change but does not change. His actions speak louder than his words.

It sounds as if you are at the end of the rope, it is time to let your end of the rope go. Life is to short and precious to spend your days worrying and hoping he will change. I am not going to tell you he won’t but it does not seem it will be anytime soon.

If it meant to be, it will be. In the meantime, move on and get yourself out of the vicious cycle of active addiction.

Nothing changes, if nothing changes. It is time for you to make the change by stopping your nightmare by moving on. I know that is easier said then done but it is the best choice for you. Think of yourself, let him worry about him.
GracieLou is offline  
Old 08-12-2014, 04:10 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Elodie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: East Coast of the US
Posts: 283
You have to take care of yourself first and foremost. You can't fix this person or help him if he doesn't want help.

Have you considered calling CPS? Two people actively abusing drugs should not be caring for an innocent baby. There are too many horror stories out there already, I'd hate to see another one.
Elodie is offline  
Old 08-12-2014, 04:37 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
FreeOwl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
yep. time to care for yourself my friend.

We cannot save anyone else. If he's serious about wanting to get help, give him the contact numbers for some local detox centers or NA. Beyond that, it's his ball game. The words and actions you describe are those of an addict caught in a cycle that only the addict himself can break.
FreeOwl is offline  
Old 08-12-2014, 04:39 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Alphabet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 465
If you stay with him, this girl and her child will continue to be in your life.

I sincerely hope he, and she, get the help they need. For now, though, you need to think of what's best and healthiest for you.
Alphabet is offline  
Old 08-12-2014, 06:39 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
ultradad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 888
We can't change or control another person.
ultradad is offline  
Old 08-12-2014, 06:45 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,325
As others have said, it's time to step back and take care of yourself. Alanon could be very helpful for you.

He will seek support if and when he is ready to stop using drugs.
Anna is offline  
Old 08-12-2014, 03:14 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Us
Posts: 3
Believe it or not with all these empty promises getting fed to me everyday. It is getting easier to let go. I know I'm stupid and I know I deserve so much better. I guess I'm just stuck in the past and I need to move on from that. I have considered calling CPS but she already had 2 cases on her. She "passed her drug test" by using clean pee. Plus i know you can do it anonymously but they would know it's me and it would just be the "jealous ex girlfriend" trying to be spiteful. I met this little boy and he is a absolute sweet heart. Just makes me so angry because they both are on drugs and can get away with it
Jaydee1014 is offline  
Old 08-12-2014, 03:21 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
PurpleKnight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Don't put your life on hold, waiting around for someone else to sort out their addiction, your life could very easily pass you by, he could change, and that would be great, but what if he doesn't?!!

You need to continue with living your own life!!
PurpleKnight is offline  
Old 08-12-2014, 03:27 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,668
Call children's services. If she's already got two cases with them I'm sure they'd want to know what's going on.

And let bf go. He's not committed to you or to being clean. It's time to move on and do what's best for you.
least is offline  
Old 08-12-2014, 06:13 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
newhope01's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Originally Posted by Jaydee1014 View Post
Believe it or not with all these empty promises getting fed to me everyday. It is getting easier to let go. I know I'm stupid and I know I deserve so much better. I guess I'm just stuck in the past and I need to move on from that. I have considered calling CPS but she already had 2 cases on her. She "passed her drug test" by using clean pee. Plus i know you can do it anonymously but they would know it's me and it would just be the "jealous ex girlfriend" trying to be spiteful. I met this little boy and he is a absolute sweet heart. Just makes me so angry because they both are on drugs and can get away with it
You are not stupid and that kind of thinking is very self-defeating. You obviously care very much for your ex-boyfriend and the two helpless children involved in this awful mess.

You need to contact CPS and to hell with the false accusations that you are a jealous ex-girlfriend. You know the truth and those kids need help and are unable to help themselves.

And as PP said, please take care of yourself too. Its easy to become too sympathetic and begin to enable bad behaviors while bringing yourself down in the process. There is a forum here for those who have loved ones who suffer from addiciton: Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information .
newhope01 is offline  
Old 08-12-2014, 07:03 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 155
Hey, you thought about calling CPS etc. What makes you think, let's just say you could make her magically disappear.......he would suddenly return to normal? In my opinion, probably not going to happen EVEN IF she goes away.

Like everyone has been saying. Take care of yourself.
Gronk is offline  
Old 08-12-2014, 07:41 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Low
Member
 
Low's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Ojai, CA
Posts: 137
I don't know, he sounds like a real catch to me.....
Low is offline  
Old 08-12-2014, 08:36 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
bunnezjp's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Grayslake, IL
Posts: 732
As Weyoun would say..."TIME TO GO!" (Trekkies will get it)

Take care of yourself, whatever you decide to do. Good advice all around.
bunnezjp is offline  
Old 08-12-2014, 09:42 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
MelindaFlowers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
I think the whole situation sounds like bad news.
MelindaFlowers is offline  
Old 08-12-2014, 09:53 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Us
Posts: 3
I definitely am taking care of myself. I come first. it's a little hard to kick someone to the curb who got caught up in the wrong crowd and who has a problem. He's been in my life for almost 10 years and I know this isn't him. I still haven't given up yet because deep down i know he's still the person i met. He despised drugs and anything to do with them. .. I came here for advice and to get it off my chest so I don't need smart remarks and negativity , "Low"
Jaydee1014 is offline  
Old 08-12-2014, 10:02 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
MelindaFlowers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Jaydee,

Can I ask a question? In your original post you said you just "want him to get rid of her and get back to being him." What do you think of the prospect of the baby's mother being in your life indefinitely?
MelindaFlowers is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:39 AM.